that rocked so much

and it was a country show. but it had to be the most kick-ass country music i have ever heard.

i went to see slim cessna's auto club with some friends, who told me that i'd love them based on what they knew about me and music to start with. they were right, and i was in love. munly seems to be in the band, or maybe he was part of last night, but since i've only seen them together i can't think of slim cessna without munly. i'm getting way ahead of myself.

there were two opening bands as well, starting with little darlings. cute name, yes? they were fairly good. for a few songs at the beginning they seemed to be warming up, but once they did i liked them. plus, they had this really tall guy with great sideburns who played the banjo (and he played it well) so i decided even if at times i didn't love them, i still liked them. next were the virginia sisters, who i really, really wanted to love. they had a cute t-shirt for sale, and just about everyone in my family is named virginia, but alas, they were sucky country rock. oh sure, they could rock, but every song sounded exactly like every other song, the lead singer wouldn't take off his knit hat which annoyed me because it was not cold on stage, and then of course he was balding and i thought "oh, that explains it," and the bassist looked like the love child of dean ween and al franken. i'm also fairly sure that southern rock is really only appealing to men. i admit to absent-mindedly doing some toe tapping, but my heart wasn't in it.

the crowd grew steadily during the first two bands, but the moment slim cessna came on-stage the place was suddenly packed and we had to stand up to see. it was like being at a revival show, or at a punk show. i'm not sure a seattle crowd would get it, i think they'd want them to be a lot more ironic and less earnest, but i liked that you couldn't tell if they were singing about jesus in a tounge-in-cheek way, or if they meant it. some audience members put their hands up like you see in big evangelical churches, and people were freaking out left and right. munly and slim were in matching black shirts and pants, big cowboy belt buckles, tan cowboy hats. slim was slender, but you could see where the bones came together in munly. he was like a finely articulated skeleton with a bit of skin thrown on so he wouldn't freak us out. he might have been thin, but he rocked out hard. eveyone did. i haven't seen a band look like they were having that much fun, or needed to rock so bad, in a very long time. the music was fantastic too; raucous and loud and rocking but with banjo! and one of those keyboards that sound like an organ with a section where you can pull a bow, like on a stringed instrument (i have no idea what this is called or where to even look it up). it was country, but it was faster and a lot more raw. i'm finding it hard to explain. you can go over here and download an mp3, and decide for yourself.

i guess the point is, i had a great time, the music was amazing, and i got to have fries afterward.

after some more research, you can find more information about slim cessna's auto club over at alternative tentacles, inlcluding a biography and more mp3s. and you can buy cd's! which i think i might have to do.

hey!

i haven't had a headache in two weeks! for me, this is a long time. then this morning i woke up with a headache and basically everything i've tried to get rid of it hasn't worked. yay! i'm going to try to take some more pills, and see if that helps. i've already tried the gallons of water, the ice pack to the temple, the nice long shower, and the small cup of coffee. all of which have worked for me before at times, but not today.

i shouldn't complain because one headache in two weeks is nothing, but i admit that it makes me super grumpy that i woke up with it. i prefer my head pain to mosey on in later in the day, not be there waiting for me the moment i open my eyes in bed. i think it showed up because it knows i have plans later tonight. stupid headache.

mr. david

i didn't think i liked curb your enthusiasm, based on the snippets i've seen, but then they had it at the library so i rented it anyhow. i am a sucker for free television show dvd's at the library. if it's there, i will rent it. i expected to not like it that much, and just do some knitting instead, but it's actually really funny. i'm not getting much else done.

also, i am very, very, seriously bored. which is retarded because i don't feel like doing anything to start with. i just want to hide out in my room (which i'm doing, dreams do come true!), but i sort of wish there were some people here to entertain me and amuse me. if only i were more exciting.

i've been pretty good so far

but come on, this photo of maggie is too cute to keep to myself. mom knit the baby booties! also, maggie loves to be swaddled and doesn't have much time for free use of her arms or legs. you will also notice that she's wearing an awful lot of pink, which is funny because before she was born my sister and brother-in-law were anti-pink. we bought maggie a lot of blue and black clothes, lots of yellows and greens and neutral colors. she still has more of those than pink clothes, but after they met her they decided pink was a-okay. just look at her and tell me she isn't the cutest thing you've seen all day.
in this picture you can see her cute chin. this was taken her first day home, less than 24 hours old. she was already adorable. today was her first doctor's appointment outside the womb, and she gained 2 oz since birth! most babies don't gain weight, which means that she is obviously the most advanced baby ever. or just really hungry. my sister says all she really does is eat and sleep right now. she's taken to calling her "slug."

today's interview was really great. which makes me all sorts of conflicted. i won't hear back from them until the middle of next week, though. i'm supposed to start the other job on monday, which would be okay, but if i get offered the other job i think i'd rather take that. it's true it's office-y, which sort of sucks, but the office was comfortable and everyone looked happy, and i'd get to see what people with computer-drafting degrees actually do. the lady i talked to today was fantastic. i don't know. to ease my furrowed brow i had a martini when i got home. yay martini!
if babies aren't your thing, though, here is the cat being ridiculously cute in my lap while i enjoy my martini. kittens make martinis better, if you can believe that.

hmmm...

the interview today went pretty well. they guy who will be my boss was super nice, the other kids at the store seemed happy, and just this afternoon they offered me the job.

but...it can't ever be that easy, can it? nope. the place i interviewed at yesterday got me an interview tomorrow, for a reception gig at an architechture/engineering firm. the pay is actually the same, except there's one more day (m-f as opposed to m&t, f&s). also, it's another office job. i'm not sure how i feel about that. there's this part of me that is sick of trying to fit into coporate america, doesn't like being trapped at a desk, and hates the 8-5 grind. i am not, nor have i ever been, much of a morning person. i'm 28 and this is the one thing i know really well about myself. there's part of me that knows that taking that job over the retail one is the smart thing to do, the reasonable thing to do, the grown-up responsible, making more money thing to do. yet i hate the idea and find myself stiffening against it. fuck!

the thing is, working four days a week will mean i'll be making enough to survive. i won't have a ton of money left over, but i would be making enough for rent and food and the bills i have. when i say "not a lot left over" i mean, maybe $200. there's the slim outside chance that i could supplement my income with an extra day here or there, or selling enough stuff on-line. theoretically, i'd have a whole extra day a week that i could devote to making stuff to sell, as well as painting, photography, and all my other little crafty ambitions. i could also tighten my belt, as it were, and cut some of my expenses. this place is close enough that i could walk or ride a bike, i could get rid of netflix (which might kill me but could also make me stronger! plus, i can't cut off the cable because that's something all three of us pay for), i'm already becoming better and better friends with the library, and being broke this long has only renewed my love of top ramen. it could be done, and it could be a way for me to take a break from corporate desk life and get a little more retail experience under my belt. with that, after a while i could move somewhere else. it is possible.

if i take this job with the idea that i'll use that extra day to give the side business a lot more attention, as well as all the artsy stuff, then that means i have to seriously commit to that. i can't spent that extra day goofing off and fucking around doing nothing.

i feel super conflicted. on one hand, this job i was offered sounds right up my alley; no desk, an afternoon schedule, working with other kids as well as seeing all sorts of weirdos wander in and out of the store. when i'm not telling people to "suck it" i'm actually fairly pleasant. i do have a teensy chip on my shoulder when it comes to being treated like a retard by customers, but the same thing happens as a receptionist, only by the same people every day. on the other hand, i'm 28 years old and might be giving up a really good job with benefits and blah blah blah (to be honest, i'm sick to death of working jobs i hate just so i can see a doctor if i get sick. that's fucking bullshit!), and how grown-up can i be if i'm working as a greeter in a cell phone store? my mother almost had a conniption when i mentioned this to her on the phone, which made me feel guilty, and yet is exactly the reason i moved away from home to start with. i've done what she and pop wanted me to do my whole life and all it's gotten me is some serious educational debt and this nagging feeling like nothing i do is ever good enough. i'm not a workaholic, i'm not "ambitious," i work because i have to do and i try to not doing anything that makes me want to kill people.

am i being unreasonable? my head hurts.

yesterday you couldn't shut me up

today? i've started this post about five times already.

um...i had an interview today. blah. i have another tomorrow. work is boring. b-o-r-i-n-g. i looked at technical schools today. that surprises even me. the more i think about it, the more i think, "why not?" i don't consider myself to be math-smart, or even very techno-savvy, but i do spend a lot of time on computers. i do like playing with them and seeing how they work. i like the idea of using computers to do creative stuff, i like merging artistic and practical. also, everyone uses them and if i got a basic associate degree i could work in just about any IT department doing help desk type stuff. i sort of like the sound of that. i've thought about it for the past few weeks, and figure getting an information packet can't hurt.

i took a nap today. which wouldn't be so note-worthy except dude it's been months since i fell asleep without fighting it, especially in the middle of the day. of course the one day i take a nap i get an email invitation to a party that i ended up sleeping through. rock! sleep, you fickle thing. i would shake my little fist at you, but i am too busy trying to figure out how to make myself tired again so i can sleep through the night.

i saw ham on the street again, and chew, he's got two moles. two is not that many and they are not big or hairy, and i don't know, for some reason i want to make out with him. especially considering he made coffee flavored rice crispy treats. then again, he is losing his hair and i grew up surrounded by men with great hair so no hair freaks me out a little. shallow? yes. but also true.

and on a final nerdy note, they are making this american life into a show for showtime. i feel conflicted by this; on one hand i love this american life and want more of it and getting to see more of the love of my life, ira glass, would rule, but we all know i fear change. my hope is that it's enough like the original in that the stories are good and well-told, but different enough to make it feel like it's own entity. and that it comes out on dvd because lord knows i'm not paying for showtime.

p.s. i got a picture of maggie! want to see it? email me.

i'm going to just post ALL DAY LONG

i put in two movies tonight: the first was so incredibly, ridiculously awful that i turned it off after twenty minutes. i picked it out because i have this crush on vincent d'onofirio and am geeky enough to love all things sherlock. because of my nerdy-ness, i hated just about everything i saw. the accents: terrible. the sets: retarded. the storyline: laughable. and the dialouge was the worst because it wasn't even remotely authentic. the second they used the term "hunch" i thought, "oh this is like the awful love-child of columbo and encyclopedia brown. with bad accents." off it went.

next on the list was all about eve. i keep thinking i haven't seen it, but i have. a few times. how can i be so retarded that i forget that? in any case, it's a great film. i miss bette davis. she was complicated and unusual and smart and all those things were considered good things. is it just that there are no women who are as great as bette anymore, or is that those qualities she had aren't as valued? regardless, we have her great movies. yay for them! (and the costumes are delicious as well.)

a few quick notes about unemployment

when i am working, i read the paper every day. scratch that: i read a few papers every day, mainly on-line. i tell people that i read the paper every day because it's important to know what's going on in the world, politically, socially and artistically. when i am not working, i rarely read the paper any day but sunday. conclusion: i read the paper at work because i don't like working.

and i have another interview tomorrow for what i'm sure is another stupid job.

if you don't knit, you can skip this

i like to think of myself as fairly smart. i'm pretty quick on the uptake, and have taught myself a lot of things. also, i am crafty, so i figure i should be a smart crafty girl, right? not always. today while working on the hell* of my socks i realized i'd been making a fairly big mistake, which is why i had to rip it out over three times!

ssk=slip, slip, knit. i thought this was meant literally: slip a stitch, slip another, then knit one. what it really means is: slip a stitch, slip another, then knit those two slipped stitches together. it's essentially the backwards version of K2tog (which is knit two together). the way i was doing it wasn't decreasing a stitch, which is the whole point of ssk, and therefore i was running out of stitches to do my thing and making a lumpy mess! i felt pretty dumb when i figured it out, but better now that i realize my pattern might not be totally full of shit and that at some point this week the chances are good i will have a sock that i knit myself.

whew. also, that link has a handy video that show you how ssk should look.

*ha! i meant "heel" but "hell" works okay too.

(and! i got to hear maggie on the phone today. she's got lungs and is not afraid to use them.)

sleepy now

waiting for baby maggie just about kicked my ass. yesterday i couldn't get in touch with anyone because the hospital my sister was at has a no cell phone policy, which is great for all those newborns that want to sleep and stuff, but hell on family members. i knew they were planning on inducing early in the morning if she hadn't shown up by then, so i called then as early as i could and they were already gone! i spent the rest of the day calling about every hour, getting the voice mail, checking the phone obsessively about every five minutes, pacing and trying to keep busy. no news is generally good news, and i sort of suspected that once labor started my sister wasn't going to let mom out of her sight. she talks a big talk, but i've known her longer than anyone and when it comes right down to it, both of us want mom there when we don't feel good.

my sister went into labor at about two in the morning, but the hospital said she wasn't far enough along, so they sent her home. when they went back in at seven she was dilated to 7 centimeters and they decided inducing wasn't necessary. mom says my sister freaked out more about the IV than she did the actual labor. she kept telling everyone she was having contractions, but everyone said, "if you can talk through them they aren't serious." except i guess either my sister is entirely too badass for her own good or else they just didn't hurt that bad, but she really was having serious contractions. before the birth she wanted all the drugs she could get, but then she didn't take anything until the very end (when she got nervous about pushing out that giant baby head) because she said it just wasn't that bad. my mom was amazed at how calm and easy-going about the whole thing my sister was. she said it was an easy labor, and that my sister was a champ. also that she was pretty damn lucky, because most women's first kids can be the toughest. if this is as bad as it's going to get for her, then maybe she should have lots of kids.

mom, dad and baby spent last night at the hospital and are coming home today. the last i talked to her, my mom was looking forward to a nice bourbon and soda, and maybe more than three hours of sleep. i had a ton of champagne and conked out at about one, only to wake up at seven. i can't sleep now just because i'm thinking of all the things i want to make her; onesies with her name on them, bibs, a nice "welcome home" card. i can't wait to see pictures of her. it's an exciting time. my mom is a grandmother! my pop is a grampa! there's this new baby and i have three other aunts to compete with for title of "best aunt ever." i should get to work.

her name is margaret!

she was born tonight at about 5 p.m, is 6 pounds 7 ounces, has coppery blonde hair and is gorgeous. i know this even though i have not seen her. we are going to call her maggie. i just had a lot of champagne, so please excuse the shortness of this post.

i can't tell you how happy i am she's here. it makes me all choked up just to think of it.

stripes

the start of my stripey socks. the yarn is from switzerland, i've had it for about a year now, trying to get up the courage to actually knit socks. i started another pair this week, but hated the needles that came with the kit. i picked up these needles and figured i would try them out first to see if i like them, and before you know it i'd gotten this much done.

i also found this on boing boing: the stardust recovery program has a webcam. better yet, watch the time-lapse compilations from days past.

nerves

i am a bundle of nerves. raw, exposed, uncomfortable nerves. i feel super on edge, like there are many, many ants in my pants and all of them are having a seizure right now.

first things first: i want the goddamn baby to show. the longer she's in there, the more anxious i get. i'm probably over-thinking the whole thing, but i won't lie, i'm nervous about something bad happening. i won't stop fretting until she's here and all limbs and fingers are accounted for.

secondly: what the hell am i doing? should i keep working, should i go back to school and get a degree that might actually result in my being qualified for a job? the thought of going back to school makes me tired, but i have what might be the world's most useless degree. i've also been feeling massive amounts of guilt and regret over leaving school before finishing my master's degree. i know why i did that at the time, and i don't think getting my degree would have actually done me any good (again, i did something useless!), but goddamn i'm going to be paying that off forever. i honestly wish i'd gotten out sooner, when i wanted to. while i think college was good for me in a lot of ways, i studied something i loved but didn't actually want to work in. i loved teaching while working, but don't love academic politics. i could study forever, but they won't pay you for that. i've always wanted to work in a museum (either art or history), as a tour guide. getting a degree for that would help, but let's face it, those jobs are few and far between. i'm hesitant to spend any more money on school as well, seeing as i pissed that last degree away. then i think about culinary school, which would be super fun and would probably ensure that i could get a job anywhere. after all, people will always eat. working with my mom and sister catering was probably the best time i ever had working, and i'd like to do more of that. then again, i do like kids and maybe teaching them would be worthwhile. there's a program here at the university of colorado that's just for getting your teaching certificate. they have an orientation coming up tomorrow that i just found out about, but there is also on on the 6th of next month. if i could teach high school kids anything, i'd teach history or art. do you think they'd let me keep my ear plugs?

thirdly: i realize that lately i've been complaining a lot. much more than normal, and this bothers me. i don't want to be that girl who bitches and whines and freaks out all the time. sometimes just admitting i'm being boring and wasting my time kvetching is enough to get me to knock it off. it's easy to feel overwhelmed and then just spend all my time voicing my concerns, the trick is to maybe just do something. stop with the talk and on with the doing. that sounds all pop-psychology, even to me, but sometimes this is just something i need to say out loud. and by that i mean, "make you read about it."

and last but not least, have you seen the new cooking show, ham on the street? i have the biggest crush ever on the host, george duran. holy cuteness. maybe i should go to culinary school just to snag a boy who can cook...

false alarm

at about five this morning my sister lost part of her mucus plug (no, i'm not going to tell you what that is, you can look it up!) and had contractions for a few hours. then, of course, they stopped. her water didn't break, and so far today she hasn't had any serious or consistent contractions. it seems as though no matter what, baby wants to be born tomorrow. her name has changed again, for what i'm assured is the very last time. i have to say, the name today is actually pretty cute and i would not oppose it. she'll get two family names, just like my sister, and they will have the same initials. of course, i'll believe it when i see the birth announcement.

i'm having a hard time thinking about anything else. prepare for boring blogging times ahead.

anderson overload

i told you i've been listening to a lot of the life aquatic soundtrack, and watching it too. today in the mail i opened what i thought was junk mail and found an amazon gift certificate! ah, the perks of having an amazon credit card. i spent it right away, obviously. i ordered rushmore and the royal tenenbaums on dvd (i have the royal tenenbaums on vhs, if you can believe that), as well as the seu jorge album of nothing but bowie covers. that's an awful lot of wes anderson, but i think i can handle it.

my computer is acting up, i'm still working on knitting some socks, and i found falafel today. also! my sister is having some contractions. nothing big or serious, but she hasn't really had any before. no matter what, baby's scheduled to be here on monday. being here instead of there with her and mom makes me sort of hate colorado, though. i mean, don't take it personally colorado, but right now i sort of think you suck ass. why do you have to be so far away from california?

my nose is real dry

a post, in the form of a list because i accidentally got sort of tipsy:

1. the air is so dry the inside of my nose is sandpaper. you think i'm joking, but i could sand your night stand with my nostrils.
2. i had drinks with kids from work. when was the last time i did that? months ago. i'd like to say that's because i haven't had a real job in months, but really, it's because sometimes i'm socially autistic.
   
3. nina totenberg on the colbert report: she's not a brunette! i thought she was one of us. instead, she looks like mayim bialik's mom. i was wrong, but she is still so ridiculously adorable. and on NPR! i might need to get a new degree, so i can also be on the radio.
   
4. i took a lot of photos today, because it was my last day at work. i wasn't worried about anyone catching me or making fun of me.
   
5. i got the kids at work to also go out for lunch, and we went to a remarkably good chinese buffet. they had a dim sum table, complete with sticky rice and hom bao. i was a happy, full girl.
   

after listening to the life aquatic all week, i think i might need to watch it again as well. i've only seen it once this month, and that's not enough!

....dammit. i ran into an episode of mtv's made, which normally i hate hate hate, but this one is about this extra-sweet goth girl trying to become a beauty pageant contestant. being a teenager can be really hard, and this show makes me think about that, and also how that made me the amanda i am now. high school was crazy and uncomfortable for me, and seeing this girl go through some of that makes me alternately weepy and cheerful. do you know anyone who had it easy in high school that didn't end up being a total asshole? i didn't think so. this girl is so sweet, so lovely and wonderful that part of me hopes that she succeeds, and then there's this part of me that hopes she stays exactly like she is. regardless of how goth or not she is, she's a wonderful girl. if she wants to do this, i want it for her, at the same time i want her to be exactly who she is.

don't let me drink beer and watch mtv anymore, okay?

psst...hey, you!

um, i'm not actually working today at work, so you could, you know, email me or comment or something. you know, to help pass the time. i'm not going to beg for it, this is just a suggestion.

also these are songs on the musak that i will not miss ever and hope to never hear again:

1. falling, alicia keys. goddamn i hate that song. i mean, i seriously hate it. i loathe it. i wish it would go to hell and never come back. alicia might be a nice enough girl, but that song is just so damn awful.
2. walking in memphis, by the guy who got shot in the head. they play that at least once a day, and while i had a huge soft spot in my heart for memphis thanks to mystery train, now i'm not sure i'd ever go there. oh wait, i would. they have po' boys there, which i'm pretty sure is the king of all sandwiches. sandwiches are by far my favorite food.
3. lady marmalade, by the slutcakes. the original was fun and campy and ridiculous, but making it over with a bunch of girls showing us their vaginas was uneccesary.
4. any and all boy band songs. i just can't get into power ballads sung by boys prettier than me. can't do it. although whenever i hear 98degrees i feel bad for nick. not too bad, seeing as he has lots of money and will always get to say he took jessica's virginity (which should get him bragging rights for the next fifteen minutes), but i do feel sort of bad for him. he seems like a nice enough guy.
5. sugar ray! whores, all of them. songs so bad they get stuck in your brain like those ear-buggies from star trek: wrath of khan. there are so many of their song out there, too. lying in wait to hurt you.

last day!

it's my last day in this shitty office! whoo! remind me to steal some office supplies. i need binder clips and white out and good pens...

this weekend i'm going to wait for baby and watch only movies that deal with working in offices and how retarded that is. this will involve a viewing of office space (duh) as well as clockwatchers, with a bit of the office thrown in for good measure. any other recommendations? i've got a few days to myself after this!

snowsnowSNOW

it snowed all day today! nice, light snow. it makes me feel all cozy, and wanting to stay inside and drink tea and watch movies. i love it.

speaking of movies, a streetcar named desire is really fucking depressing. it's very good, but jesus h. christ it's a downer. which was actually sort of what i was looking for; i'm sort of really keyed up and not sleeping so well. i can't stop thinking about my sister and the baby, quitting my job, finding a new one, and my pop is sick and all by himself. this, out of all the things going on right now, makes me feel really, seriously, horribly guilty. when i first heard he was sick i thought, "oh, that's okay, i'll just go home for a few days." only now going home involves a plane ride, not just an hour or so in a car. it's irrational, i know, but i feel like the worst daughter on earth. the point is, i thought something a little gloomy and talky would help me wind down a bit. it worked for about five blissful minutes. i'm back to feeling anxious now. yay!

tomorrow is my last day at this job. i'm going to have to take another piss test before the second half of my latest interview (the first part of which went fine! it was like all other boring interviews, and at this point i'm real good at them), and hopefully monday i'll do the actual interview with the employer. a lot of companies here prefer to use agencies, which makes the interview process l-o-n-g. whatever. i can't believe i turned down a full-time permanent position. no, i take that back, i can. that tendency i have for burning bridges is evidently something i'm not doing so well controlling, and you know what, at this point i'm going to stop worrying about it. i'm not good at settling, regardless of how reasonable the settling is. nope, i'm just too neurotic for acting reasonably. (insert a shrug of the shoulders here)

i admit to watching the tv guide channel sometimes. normally i'm distracted by it while trying to see what's on and i turn it to mute. tonight, i got all sucked into this show, ready, set, change! it's a campy version of trading spaces/while you were out, and all the boys who build the stuff are ridiculously handsome and hugely tattooed. hello, achilles heel. also, one of them is wearing pink overalls (so. fucking. cute.) and one has great sideburns, and did i mention the arms of tattoos? i'm telling you, i'd let them makeover my house any time.

i could use a nap

what's funny about that is it's not even nine in the morning. the sleep, it has gone away. my tummy hurts too, i'm drinking massive amounts of the ginger crystals today*. i wish my sister would just have her damn baby and let me get some sleep! i am wound up tighter than a $2 watch.

last night i dreamt about the baby. she was in a shoe box, and i wanted to peek inside and see her. my sister told me she wasn't "done" yet, and that i had to wait. "baby will come out when she's ready." so i held the shoe box and said to it, "come out, baby!" it was such a small box, burgundy colored and soft on the outside, warm and heavy to hold. i was trying to be patient, but i really wanted to see her.

what strikes me about this dream isn't that baby was in a shoe box, but my insistence on calling her "baby." until my sister was about two, i never called her anything else. it was always "baby" this and "baby" that. finally my mom got sick of it and insisted i call her by her name.

of course, she's still baby to me. which is probably why i'm so freaked out and excited and nervous and tired.

p.s. it's snowing! not a lot, and it seems sort of dry and light, but everytime it snows i get excited. something about snowy weather makes me feel all cozy and happy to be inside. even if by "inside" i mean "goofing off instead of actually working."

*scroll down to the bottom of the page!