digital fisherman

shipyard 1, originally uploaded by pinprick.

you would think that living on a boat and fishing for a living would be a very quaint, old-timey way of life. which in a lot of ways it is, but they also have computers and cell phones and tvs on boats now, meaning i can have a tiny fling with a fisherman and spend most of my time text messaging him instead of just talking to him on the phone.

truth be told i am just so bad on the phone, just so impossibly awkward and uncomfortable, that even talking to some guy i don't know that well and who swears like, well, a sailor (my people for crying out loud!) it would be easier but it's not. i can hardly talk to my friends without sounding like i have a massive head injury. i like to think i sound okay in real life; that i have conversations with people i know and they are easy and fun and i can string together a coherent sentence, but maybe that's not even true! maybe i hate the phone the same way i hate hearing myself on tape; it just doesn't sound like me to me, but to everyone else, it totally does. truthfully, it takes me years sometimes to get all comfy with talking to a particular person on the phone. years in which i over analyze anything i might have said and wonder if it came out right or how else i could have worded it, years i which i cringe at every third word that comes out of my face.

the fisherman fling (which is what i now think it should be called) is still going on, oddly enough. i sort of thought it would be a one-time, "dude, you're never going to believe what i did this one time," sort of story to add to my repertoire of dating lore, but instead it's a small thing now. a tiny thing with a very clear expiration date; he's only in town for a while, i'm only in town for a while, he's way too young for me, but we have fun together. he's straight-forward, which i like in everyone but especially appreciate in people i make out with; he's a little shorter than i am, which evidently I LOVE*; he's got the whole freckles/reddish hair thing that seems to be my M.O. lately; and he's a nice distraction. i feel like it's been so long since i've been out of the dating loop that i need a few practice runs, you know? get my bearing, see if my old tricks still work, test the waters. ha! "test the waters." the seamen jokes about this are going to rule. if you have any to add, please feel free.

*see all the boys i've dated lately. while they aren't all shorter than i am, they tend to be either a few inches of me or just exactly my height. do i have a type? i mean, i love tall too, but lately i find myself wanting to grope men of shorter stature. i wonder what that means. can you change types in mid-life? is this the equivalent of me going from being a boob guy to being a butt guy?

brokey-broke

blue flowers, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i am poor and should not be spending money. however, this afternoon i ordered lotta jansdotter's book (sorry, you have to look it up!). i saw it mentioned first over on chez shoe's, and still have the blog entry posted as "new" in my bloglines so i wouldn't forget the name of the book. the other day i was out looking for something at a local craft store when i saw the book in person. that was it! i knew i was doomed. i would have bought it right then and there, but you know what, the lady who runs the store is a bit of an ass to me every time i go in there. i'm very particular and jerky about things like that. this is a great craft store, too, and i tried to give the lady who is always working there the benefit of the doubt but i've been in there at least three or four times since i've been home; each time buying all sorts of things, and never once has she been pleasant. that might just be her style, but i have so little use for that shit. getting a good look at the book just made me want it more though, and i can hardly wait to crack into it! there are so many cute pattern in there. i want to make them all.

i tried to watch beerfest today but it was so impossibly bad that i fell asleep. i love a dumb, fun movie as much as the next person, but this was truly uninspired. i also saw vacancy last night, and thought it was fairly good. not the greatest horror movie i've ever seen, but i did enjoy the banter between luke and kate, and it was perfectly paced and fun to watch. i would rate it as a renter. getting out of the house to actually see a movie was just what i needed, i think. i've been watching a lot of them at home (because really, what else is there to do but drink and annoy my pop?), but there's nothing like sitting in a theater to make you feel like you've accomplished something. wink wink.

i need a job.

pretty

shipyard and ocean, originally uploaded by pinprick.

the weather the past few days has been extraordinary. clear and bright and warm(er), it makes me want to take a lot of photos. this afternoon, if i get my shit together, that's exactly what i'm going to do.

went out in anacortes the other night with the only person on the island i can go out for drink with, jen, one of my mom's co-workers. it's possible we graduated from acquaintances to friends the other night, but i think one more night is needed to really make that decision. getting out of the house ruled, though. as much as i enjoy having cocktails, what i love more is the sitting and watching everyone else and thinking/talking about them. at heart i'm a pissy little vouyer. i made out with a fisherman five years my junior, and woke up with a blistering headache. good times!

movies i watched this week: accepted (yes, college educations are overrated. yes, this movie is a bit too long and not all that funny. the mac takes himself a bit seriously for my tastes); season one of kids in the hall (pure genius. we are not arguing this point!); and the hills have eyes (boring eyes). next on my list are beerfest and a man apart. fun loving frat boys and vin diesel! hooray!

it is possible i will go to a carnival tonight, if only to take some pictures of shiny, twirling things and to eat a corndog. it is also possible i will run out of steam before i finish taking a shower. if anyone is in the area and wants to come out and visit me, you are more than welcome to. i can give you the historical tour of my town and feed you delicious things and make you drink awful beer with me. if you love me, you'll indulge me.

the weather's fine

hamilton pool 5, originally uploaded by pinprick.

blogging via flickr only has it's perks, like looking for interesting photos that may or may not have anything to do with my actual post. the sucky thing is not knowing how to embed links, but i know you all know how to use a search engine so you'll be fine. also, when i find errors they have to stay there because i can't get into blogger to fix them. stupid dial-up!

i watched all of 16 blocks last night, even though i didn't particularily like it. could mos def have picked a more annoying accent? and i know bruce willis was supposed to be world-weary but he just looked supremely bored. as was i. however, nothing else was on and i was feverishly working on a baby hat to match the baby blanket i am almost finished knitting. i got the hat done all in one night, which makes me feel like a knitting rockstar.

movies i have also watched: kicking and screaming (stupidly funny. the scene where will ferrell freaks out at the coffee shop is worth watching the whole film for, though.); walk the line (it was fun to see dan john miller, but other than that i thought it was unremarkable. how did reese get an oscar for that?); la ceremonie (dr. mystery might not know this, but i add lots of things to my netflix queue thanks to him. he's right about this one in that isabelle huppert is scary, but he failed to mention her cute braids.); and lots and lots of strangers with candy episodes. mom has all the seasons on dvd, and they are good to watch while quilting.

unemployment is still worriesome to me, but mom and i had a good talk last night about how long i can stay here. in essence, i can stay as long as i need to as long as i pick up after myself and do some dishes sometimes. anyone who has ever lived with me or stayed with me for any length of time knows i tend to leave a trail of schmutz around the house, so i'm working to keep that all in one area. i got the check for my car as well, so i can register my new one and get some insurance, and put some aside for the move. my new roommate won't be ready for another month, so i don't want to move out too much sooner than that, and being here is a little annoying to mom, but also convenient for her. she doesn't have to worry about pop being alone, and i will cook things she leaves out for dinner. right now i'm cooking a chicken so we can have chicken and dumplings for dinner. see? i am not completely useless.

someone should come over and help of drink all this coffee! also, i wish i had a drinking buddy here, or just someone to in see a movie with.

sneaky

green flowers, originally uploaded by pinprick.

with all the sleep i got today, it's no wonder i'm up at three in the morning. i normally pass out on the couch after mom and pop go to bed, then stumble to my room at about one or two, being awake this late is unusual for me here. like it or not, i've adjusted to my folk's sleep schedule.

they won't tell me anything, and get all fussy when i ask, so i've taken to snooping to find out what's going on with my dad. i take stock of medications, look them up on-line to figure out what they are, if they're cancer related, try to figure out if they've known about this longer than they're saying. that makes it sound like i think my parents are liars, but it's not that; they just don't always tell my sister and i stuff. omission, not out-and-out, bald-faced lying, is more their style. i think pop starts chemo next month, but if anyone's ever read a medical document, they know how confusing they can be. might be radiation. could be just a check-up. who knows? i just have to wait and see.

mom wants to take a few days off next week or the week after, go down to portland and visit some of her friends. i think all the worry has her exhausted (she won't admit it, but i don't think she's sleeping), and her friends also happen to be doctors she can talk to. my sister and i are not good at reassuring her. we try, but i don't think any kid is much comfort to their parents. it's not just my dad she's worried about, it's her family. two kids with their own stupid dramas and a husband who's sick. she is our grown-up, the adult, the responsible one in our family, and if i were her i'd be very sleepy. (or drunk.) i can't begrudge her the right to be snippy at me sometimes. it sounds impossibly corny, but she's the glue that holds us together, the bologna in our sandwiches, the center of our wheel. we might squabble amongst each other, but we all go to her. we'd be lost without her. that's enough to tire any woman out.

for now i'll just keep quiet and keep my eyes and ears open. they don't try to hide things very well; it's not like i have to break into locked desk drawers to get answers to some questions, or listen outside locked doors to hushed conversations. they don't want to talk about it right now so i'm not going to push it. and really, what is knowing all the tiny details going to do for me? it won't make the cancer less cancerous.

more waiting. no one ever tells you about the waiting.

more coffee?

fireking, originally uploaded by pinprick.

it's true we drink a crazy amount of coffee at my parent's house. i don't usually drink that much; i've become more of a tea person in my old age (plus, you can drink serious amounts of it without the shakes). however, when i'm here i step up to the plate and drink coffee like i know what i'm doing. this boils down to laziness mainly. i mean, if i have to choose between boiling the kettle for tea or pouring a cup of ready-to-go coffee, i go with what's already done.

things are better on the home front. mom's decided she likes me again, pop is in a pretty good mood, and the dog has taken to following me around the house. i slept in way too late this morning because the room i'm sleeping in doesn't get light; up until two in the afternoon it looks like early morning in there, thanks to all the trees blocking the sun. i went to bed last night around midnight, and slept until eleven this morning. i feel stiff from all the laying around! it's a good thing i don't have anything planned for today outside of more coffee, cutting out blocks for midge's baby quilt, doing some sewing and then going to mom's knitting group tonight. i need to apply for some more jobs too, but damn the internet here is s-l-o-w. maybe tomorrow i'll go to the library and try there.

you know, pop always asks if i have to go potty before he takes a shower. he says it just like that too; "do you have to go potty?" he's been saying that and doing that ever since i can remember. it's nice.

rose city rebels

flower bobby pins, originally uploaded by pinprick.

aaron's friend, rich, thinks they should start a motorcycle club and call it something dangerous. i think they should be the angry clouds, and i even drew him a picture of it so he could see, but he was not buying it. rose city rebels is a good name, but it just doesn't sound tough enough to me. grumpy clouds, on the other hand, are totally fierce.

spending time with all the folks i know in portland kicked ass. henry did warm up to me, and by the time i left he was a cuddly little mess of fun. last night right before we came home from mema's house i picked tiernan up to hug him, and he put his arms around my neck and told me he loved me. i just wanted a hug from the little man, but that totally made my day. who are we kidding? it made my week. i got to see a little of jude, but he was busy with his grandparents for part of the weekend too. good news, he's going to be a big brother! i'm not sure he understands what that means, but he seemed happy about it this afternoon. i've been dying for him to know, because i want to talk about it all the time! i've already got a good start on his new brother or sister's baby blanket and quilt. driving around town and seeing the sights was also great; i've always been fond of portland but i really do feel like moving there is a good idea now. it's a comfortable place. everyone i know there i like, and getting to see tiernan and henry and jude on a regular basis is like icing on the cake.

the drive home was fine. i stopped in chehalis and took a tiny nap, though. i ate my first burgerville burger and it just knocked me out cold. the nice thing about stopping, though, was that it put me in seattle exactly during rush hour traffic. i know that sounds like a bad thing, but it gave me a chance to stop at the happiest place on earth, uwajimaya, and wait it out. yay! i didn't get anything too crazy, and didn't spend too much money, but had a blast wandering through the aisles and then eating some onion tofu. good times.

now i'm home, and to be perfectly honest, i wish i wasn't. mom is being a total jerk, which i'm going to chalk up to her anxiety about dad. even if it's not about me directly, it still sucks. tonight she made a very pointed comment about how she never wanted either one of her kids to move back home, and then later she said she was sad i was leaving but hoping to visit me a lot in portland. okay. mom spent a lot of time encouraging me to come home the past few months; it's true the timing for it was right, but i would have never come back this soon if she hadn't been so enthusiastic about it. i am staying here, but i don't think spending a few weeks at home while i get my shit together is the same as moving back in, and it feels unfair to me that she would put it like that. i don't want to move back in with her or pop any more than they want me to, if we all had our way i'd have a job and place to stay as soon as possible! it's not like it's awful to be here, but i'm used to being on my own just like she and dad are used to having the house to themselves. i feel like we're all fussy and fighty with each other right now because we're all kind of freaked out in our own ways, and as close as we are we all process things at our own speed and take our time to put it into words. you never want to get into a fight with us if you are an immediate, "lets talk this out," sort of person. we are slow like turtle when it comes to saying out loud, "this is freaking me out" or "you are pissing me off." once you say something it is out there FOREVER, no taking it back, and so we don't rush. most of the time i'm okay with that, even a little proud, but right now i'm just tired of feeling tense and nervous. in television and movies cancer is so easily diagnosed, and people start making plans and keeping a stiff upper lip and hugging each other and shit, but in real life we're all just hanging around the house, waiting for the other shoe to drop and acting like jerks.

i spent fifty dollars at uwajimaya, but you know i wanted to spend more. it was as wonderful as i remembered!

hooray!

look at this cute baby face! henry was angry the first day i met him, but since then i think he's warmed up to me. in a few more days he'll like me more (i hope). tiernan is busy being a superhero, but not too busy to cuddle up with me and hold my hand when we cross the street. man, i missed my people. took the max yesterday for the first time, and it was super fun. saw a crazy, funny horror film, ate some delicious things, and today we have even more planned.

in the three days i've spent in portland i've felt more at home than in the year+ i lived in colorado. i don't think i ever would have appreciated that this much if i hadn't gone, though. i feel positively grateful.

we thought we'd know more about pop's cancer yesterday, but mom is telling me that he needs more tests. i don't know if i can believe her or if she's just trying to make me feel better. i wasn't going to come down to portland when i found out he was sick but she practically pushed me out of the house. i think they wanted a few days alone to process this, and i don't blame them for that. while i'm having a fun time here in the rose city part of me does feel guilty i'm not there with them. at the same time i know they worry more when they see me stomping around the house, frowny and anxious. i go home on monday, when dad has more tests, and i guess until then i just do what i'm doing and hope for the best and wait and see. the waiting is so fucking lame, that's what's hardest to deal with right now. not knowing exactly what's going on, knowing that the longer it takes them to figure it out the higher the chances are that they aren't going to say, "oops! we made a mistake, go home, so sorry!" limbo is just not a fun place to hang out.

p.s. real internet, not dial-up is delightful. it's fan-fucking-tastic to be frank. I LOVE IT.

my boys are all so big! being in portland feels amazing. how on earth did i leave? jeez.

on the ferry, on my way to the mainland! my new car is funny: turquoise green and totally an old lady. it's not fast or pretty, but she runs!

my dad has cancer and we still got into a fight!

cherry 1, originally uploaded by pinprick.

what i left out of yesterday's post was that we know it's cancer; when they went in to look at his lymph node they figured that out pretty quickly. they removed the mass (which was honestly big, it freaked me out more than anything), and the lymph node, and then poked around to see if they could find anything else. i knew something was up when mom and dad had been gone for more than a few hours. the procedure was minor and early in the morning, it should have taken a couple of hours and then they should have been home around noon. the later it got, the more worried i got, but i still didn't believe any of this was real until this morning.

mom had been preparing me for all the different things it could be since i came home. i knew something had been going on, but was kept in the dark until the last possible moment. i think the only reason they told me anything at first was because the day pop had to go in for his initial biopsy results i insisted on tagging along. "oh, you're going into town? can i come? i need a set of knitting needles." thinking back on it now, if i had been dad i would have been slightly annoyed when i pouted that we couldn't stop at the yarn store first. he's going in for potential disastrous test results, and his kid is fussy she can't knit while he's in there. lovely! gosh, i'm a great kid. in my defense, i didn't know he'd had the first needle biopsy then. i thought we were seeing his doctor about allergy medication, and was genuinely irked at having to wait to get my needles. after mom told me what was really going on i felt like an ass.

the thing is, we know it's lymphoma, but we don't know what kind. there's a very good chance it just means some radiation/chemo, or a combo of the two, and he's fine. cancer in general isn't cool (did i just say that? am i retarded?!), but he could have a very easily treatable kind of it, and while the treatment isn't going to be fun, it will probably be okay. pop is worried about losing his hair, my sister is in the midst of a freak-out, but mom is being super-stoic. she called me from the hospital to tell me before they came home, and said in her practical-mom way, "if you need to freak out, please do it before we get home. i don't want you upsetting your father." i wasn't allowed to call my sister, so i called the next best thing, anne; i had to try the word "lymphoma" out loud to see if i could say it, and she advised me to stay off-line for a while so i wouldn't be tempted to look up worst-case-scenarios.

for the most part, dad has been in a great mood since the surgery. he's happy he woke up from the anesthesia, and is still on some pain pills. mom thinks this is why he's so pleasant, but he's not like us and doesn't take pills for fun. he got some tylenol 3 and has taken like two of them, whereas my sister or i would have taken as many as we could. we got into an argument tonight about registering my new car (i think it can wait four days, he wants me to do it NOW), and while i felt guilty, i was also relieved. he's still my pop. cancer or no cancer, he's always going to think i'm slightly (!) inept at being a grown-up, and i'm going to bristle at his overbearing nature on occasion. i don't expect some sort of hallmark moment from this. we'll always clash in some ways, and love each other in our own way. that's what being a family is about, isn't it? lymphoma isn't going to turn us into the brady's, and i'm happy about that. my people are more fun anyhow.

i could watch old episodes of the twilight zone for days! man, i love this show. hooray for cable tv!

the only way i can get from here to there

me dad christmas 2, originally uploaded by pinprick.

pop's routine surgery went very routine-y. he was freaked out about going under all the way, and who can blame him? he's had a variety of surgical things done, and all of them he's stayed awake through because he's convinced he will go out like a light and stay that way. needless to say, he's pretty pleased that didn't happen. they took out his entire lymph node (it was scheduled to be just a biopsy), though, and we have more tests to go through and more doctors to talk to. i say "we" but it's really mom and dad going through this. they are the grown-ups; my sister and i are in our own orbit, with one of us doing a lot of crying and one of us saying, "no way" and looking around blankly. frankly, i thought i'd be the one weeping but oddly enough i am just stunned into quietness. dad is in a good mood, thanks to not being killed by the anesthesiologist, and all there is left to do is wait some more and let the doctors and experts figure some shit out. at this point it could go either way and while normally i am a big fan of playing the "what if?" game, this time i just can't. i can only wrap my brain around one possible scenario, and it involves us all laughing heartily and eating dinner. to even think there might be another scenario is like someone knocking the wind out of me or that fuzzy eye feeling right before you throw up. the wait is awful and i hope it ends up that this is just another post we forget about in a few days, that i don't have to grow up all the way just yet, that i can stretch this ridiculous extended adolescence out a few months more. i like having a dad, i want to keep it that way.

for eric

lo siento, originally uploaded by pinprick.

it's sad to know he has one now, i felt better knowing he didn't. however, once he and joolie get a house they love, they can sink the cell phone in a lake or something, and that will undoubtedly be satisfying.

sorry, eric! i hope you only have it for a few months.

morticia addams does an awful lot of knitting on the tv show. i knew i liked her for a reason...

early morning on ferry

early morning on ferry, originally uploaded by pinprick.

which really doesn't do much to distinguish it from yesterday or the day before or even the day before that. napping is my new favorite pastime. i remember being a kid and using naps as a way to "fast-forward" through stuff that bored me. i could will myself to fall asleep anytime and anyplace, so i could wake up and have it be later. man, i was a genius.

pop is having a routine surgery on tuesday. it would be more of a routine if we'd seen it coming, but whatever. he's having some issues with his lymph node and they want to go in and cut a piece out to make sure he's okay. the chances are good it's nothing, but i admit i'm glad to be here. he won't need me for anything thanks to mom, but i feel better knowing i'm close by. of course by close by i mean "in the sewing room" or "sometimes in the den."

my mom is buying me a car, which is both a total relief and a massive amount of new guilt to carry around. she jokes with me by reminding me that i'm just spending my inheritance early, but we know who the real joke is on seeing as i don't have one to spend. maybe my grandmother will leave me some money when she dies. then i can give it back to mom. of course, i'm not holding my breath on that one. the woman doesn't know my middle name, why would she leave me any money? plus, i think she doesn't have any (just like the rest of us!). is talking about money and death gauche? am i the only one who thinks these things? hmmm. anyhow, the point is i'm getting a car and while i'm excited about it because it makes me a little more independent, i'm also totally aware of how ridiculous it is for a 30 year old to have her mom buy her a car. when did i become such a loser? was i always inching toward this and missed the warning signs? i saw a kid i went to high school with and actually really liked the other day and could not for the life of me bring myself to acknowledge that i even saw him, much less stop to talk, because i am so painfully embarrassed about my life right now. people ask all the time what i do and when i tell them i don't they want to know what i want to do and i say things like "trader joe's" and "ikea" and they look at me like i'm fucking crazy. they ask nicely and delicately if i wouldn't rather do something with my degree and i shrug and say "not really." there's no point in mentioning that my degree is worthless because then we have to talk about why i did it and being drunk and getting tattooed is one thing but being drunk and getting a degree in cultural anthropology is another. some folks want to have the "what would you do if you could do anything?" hypothetical conversation, but that just depresses me. it always entails more school or training, more money, more time, and just serves to remind me of all the little ways i fucked up to get to the place i'm at now. i have don't anything seriously fucked-up like get knocked-up in a one night stand, or commit credit card fraud, or done drugs that involve needles and/or battery acid, but even doing the things i was supposed to do didn't make me immune from moving back in with my parent's and having a massive amount of debt that i will be paying off from the grave. being a loser is totally exhausting.

i might need to get off the island. i'm beginning to terrify myself.

(i have been trying to post this for three days. three days! blogger fucking hates the internet connection at my parent's house. fine, i hate you too, blogger. i'm hoping i can use flickr to bypass it.)

daddy doesn't like it when i drink! sucks to be him, and lord knows i'm not even drunk.

pop does not like of having drinks. i an almost 30 and it still annoys him. i rule!

flashback

listening to the end's flashback sunday morning. man, i used to love this show. weekend radio is mainly comprised of nothing but NPR but in high school i used to take four hours out of my public radio diet for flashback sunday. the host is the same, and the show is just as great. being home at times like this totally rules.

blogger hates the island. i've written post after post, quickly saving them, logging in & out, trying to get them published before it craps out.

it's 5 at night, and my pop just made ANOTHER pot of coffee. jealous? you should be.

on striking and breathing

on the island i wake up insanely early. if i'm not up at 7 in the morning i'm surprised. this is mainly due to my allergies; i either can't breathe or wake up with my fists in my eyes, rubbing furiously. today it was both, which was DELIGHTFUL. i joke. i know once i get used to the pollen and mold and puppy i'll be fine, but until then i will be a red, puffy mess, complaining often.

the strike yesterday was fun in a socialist-flag-waving way. i took some photos, which i would show you if i didn't have to re-create the internet every time i use it. maybe tomorrow i will go into town and find a faster connection with pop's laptop or something. the internet out here is a lot like fred flinstone's car.

next week i hope to take a train to portland to see my peeps, and later this week i'm hoping to finally see what i came home for: uwajimaya.

i was up before 5 am! being red is hard work. mom and i are on our way to olympia to strike for more money for mental health care. whoo!

i got locked out of the house by my pop. lucky for me i had my knitting and there are coffee shops in town.

my day in medication

1. wake up, blow nose. stumble out of bed, take an alavert.
   
2. take shower. after shower, use flonase.
   
3. laster in day if still itchy, take a sudafed.
   
4. before bed, take a zyrtec.
   

i love my little brother, i love the island, i love how green and beautiful everything is, but DAMN. i am allergic to it all. i am a sneezy mess all day, and when i'm not sneezing i'm blowing my nose or searching frantically for something to catch the nasal drip with. my pockets are full of half-used tissues, my eyes are pink and everyone who calls says, "are you sick?" in a few days my body will re-adjust to the allergens in the area, but until then i'm a mess. good times.

*i'd use my neti pot if it weren't in a box on it's way across the country as we speak. maybe i'll buy a new one, and then sterilize it and keep it as a "guest" pot when i get settled. i can't believe i packed it up and didn't take it with me! that was dumb of me.

hat!

this is the hat i knit for my friend justin this week. it's a very basic hat, just 4x1 rib stitch, with a few cables thrown in for texture. i wasn't going to make him a hat until this fall, because who needs a hat now? no one. it was the yarn that did it for me; it was too pretty to leave in the store, and i needed an excuse to buy it. it would have taken a few nights watching tv to make, if i didn't rip it out like three times getting it just how i wanted it. i have an average sized head, let's hope he does too. as far as the length goes that will be more of an issue; thanks to all the ribbing this would probably fit a pumpkin.

i kept track of the pattern as i went along, and here it is (albeit a little haphazard!):

Justin's Beanie
Used: size 6 circular needles (16 inches in length), size 6 dpns at the end, one stitch marker and a needle to weave in the ends.

Used a yarn marked “aran,” basically a heavy worsted weight.

Cast on 120 stitches.

Work in a K1, P1 rib for 4 rows.

Switch to K4, P1 rib.

A few inches into the hat I used a very basic cable pattern twice. I didn’t write down where I did them or how many stitches between them, because they were sort of random. Just put them where you want to, or leave them out. I used a Cable 4, to the front style.

At about 6 inches (I think technically I went about 6.25 inches) start your decreasing.

Round 1: *K1, K2tog, K1, P1, repeat from *.

Round 2: K3, P1 around.

Round 3: *K1, K2tog, P1, repeat from *.

Round 4: K2, P1 around.

K2tog all stitches the next few rows, until you are left with 6 stitches left. You will probably switch to DPNs or double circs at this point, because the work is little. At 6 stitches, cut a tail and thread it through them and tie off. Weave all ends in, block lightly if needed, then wear!

dial up forever

my parent's computer hates me. which is reasonable, considering i do nothing but bad-mouth it every chance i get. they have dial up internet out here, which feels absolutely primitive to me. i used to have dial-up when i lived in seattle and did just fine with it for years, but once i got used to high-speed i never even thought of going back. everything. out. here. is. so. slow.

easter was delightful. i would show you pictures, but then i'd have to sit at the computer for the next three days. pretty much everything you could imagine having we had, and seeing my family was great. they all knew i was coming back to visit, but a lot of them didn't know i was coming out here to stay, so that was fun to surprise them with. i think my mom didn't want to jinx herself; she didn't tell anyone my plan, and that's not like her.

i've hit some of the local thrift stores, and a few yarn stores too. at one i found these crazy racist dishtowels that have chinese characters on one side and things like "ungrateful chinaman say 'go to hell'" on the other side. they're pretty awful, but also insanely cute and funny. do you think it makes me an asshole to buy them? i'll take a photo of them so you can see them for yourself. i bought some new knitting needles and a little yarn too; i'm making justin a hat, and i think with what's left over jude will get one too. the color is a pretty variegated blue/green/grey, it will bring out both boys eyes. today i'm going to do some more knitting, drink even more coffee (there is always a pot of it going at my parent's house), maybe watch a movie and clean up a little. if i can get a higher connection rate later today (right now it's 45.2 KBPS) i'll post some photos.

i still feel like i'm on vacation more than anything. soon real life will intrude and i'll be busy looking for work and a place to live, but until then i'm going to watch all the tv i can and drink all the coffee i can as well.

anne, i'm definitely coming down to pdx. i wanted to send you an email, but gmail doesn't like me here either so i'm just going to hope you read this! seattle is great, and the island is beautiful, but i was (am) serious about moving farther south. don't you worry! i'm not changing my mind this time, i promise. portland has been my destination for a while, i just got sidetracked by colorado.

i've been watching huge amounts of spongebob at my folk's house. it rules!

it's raining! whoo! i got a pretty day yesterday, but today feels like home.

home again, home again, jiggety jig

washington is a million times more beautiful than i remember it being. i thought i was all misty about it because it's been a while since i was here last, but DAMN. it did not disappoint. plus, the air smells better here. that sounds dorky, and probably is, but that's the first thing i thought when i got off the plane.

today my pop and i ran some errands, he had a doctor's appointment and i needed a new set of knitting needles because i broke mine in the airport bar*. maybe i broke them. maybe the guy next to me did. in any case, they are broken and i have a baby blanket to work on! i also picked up another set of needles though, because i found a crazy yarn that will make a great hat for J. it's warm to think about hats, but this time when fall hits i'll be ready!

my parent's house is smaller than i remember, but in a good way. being here makes me realize where i get my nest-y tendencies. the room i grew up in is so tiny! all the rooms in all the houses/apartments i've ever lived in have been the smallest, and in my last house i slept in the closet because the room was just way too big. at heart, i am a rodent. sometimes a mole, sometimes a rat. either way, i like my spaces small and cozy.

i have some emails to send out and some stuff to do with mom to help her get ready for easter. in a lot of ways i miss colorado already, but there is nothing in the world like going home.

*absolut pears and soda is my new favorite drink. i think it would also be amazing with 7up.

my parent's house has become a shrine to baby. a big shrine!

touchdown! wa smells great, and seems shinier than i remember. so sparkly!

Dude, i just met the coolest guy in via airport lounge! He bought me drinks!

you can't check your bags until 3 hours before your flight! So i have an hour and half to kill.

i am fucking tired

like with a capital F. i still have a massive amount of stuff to do, because selling the rocket turned out to be a much bigger clusterfuck than i could have imagined. however, it was a pleasant clusterfuck, so whatever. if i had actually been packing and moving the four hours it took to deal with that, i'd have a lot less to do now. the long and short of it is that in order to have the rocket sold and belonging to corey, the nice young man who bought my car, we had to register it in our names, then get a notarized power of attorney so he could then re-register it in his own name. it got me out of the house, which was good because i am totally stir-crazy, but it took a lot longer than i had planned. if corey hadn't been so nice and fun to hang out with, my head would have exploded.

i promise this is my last post for a good long while about moving. i am tired of it in just about every way possible; physically, emotionally, mentally and mathematically. figuring out how to fit everything in my box is breaking my brain. i could not for the life of me figure out how i had so much more stuff, especially considering i am leaving behind two major pieces of furniture (the futon and the green table), but then i remembered i shipped all my books here last time. maybe i should have done that this time. that would have made this a lot easier. also, i keep running out of boxes.

it's going to suck to be aaron in about a month, when he has to help me unpack the box. i'm through soldiering on like a dumbass, next time i'm getting help, even if i have to twist arms to get it.

less than 24 hours! going home! first, going to bed.

if i even THINK about moving in the next year, please kill me. thank you.

i would rather get a brazilian wax than pack up anything else.

!! rock star !!

i bought a four pack of the diet rockstar, which is called "sugar free" because men don't do "diet," in an effort to actually get a lot of shit done today. i'm already feeling good about it.

i would be working on packing right now, but i'm waiting for someone to come by and buy the rocket, and i don't feel like being all sweaty and messy while i try to coax him into buying my busted vehicle. earlier this week (monday) i put an ad up on craigslist detailing exactly what's wrong with the car. i mean it. every little thing that is wrong is on there, as well all the good things about the rocket. i pointed out that it is not running right now, but that it should only take a few hundred dollars to get it up and going, and then it will go forever, as civics do. i placed the price at $300, and told them if they wanted it, they had to move it. so far i've received 32 emails about it. i thought this was going to be a lot harder to unload, and while it's been touch and go (people call and then don't come by, or tell me they'll be here at a certain time and then call an hour later saying this time they're really on their way!), i'm certain i can get rid of the rocket and make a little cash. hopefully in a few hours the rocket will be gone and i can go back to focusing on how much i hate packing.

one of my roommate's is taking me to the airport tomorrow, albeit crazy early. my flight leaves at 6:30 (p.m.) and she's dropping me off at 1:30 (p.m.). this is not a complaint; i'm glad to have a real ride and to not have to pay for a shuttle. i just wonder what i'm going to do for hours. have beers in an airport bar, i suppose. look for a book to read. it's a wonder barnes and noble hasn't moved into airports, they could make a killing. people buying books, magazines, music and coffee. all the things you need on a flight! has anyone spent a long time in DIA? do you have any suggestions?

***edit***the rocket has been sold! of course, he started like a champ this morning after i hooked up the battery. had i known this before the buyer showed up, i probably could have squeezed more money out of him, but that would have seriously affected my car karma. after all, the rocket likes to run, just not all the time. the buyer is going to have to fix it, and probably sooner rather than later. plus, it's out of my garage and my last physical tie to colorado has now been severed. cash money! in my pocket! all is good.

i think i pissed the cat off

she's been meowing non-stop since i woke up this morning to pee, she's been biting my heels and meowing some more, she dug a huge hole in the dirt in my jasmine plant, and did i mention the meowing? because it's not so much a "meow" as an "ungodly loud cat-like noise, repeated often and endlessly." i know part of it is that she doesn't feel good (we are pretty sure she has worms. rock!), and part of it is the line of boxes stretching from my room to all over the damn house. she knows something is up, and she does not like it.

i'm annoyed with her today, but i admit i'm going to miss the hell out of this cat. she's a sweetie pie most of the time, and how many cats do you know that like to sleep under the covers, spooned up against you? not many. i wonder if she'll remember me when i come back to visit?

dodged a bullet

my door-to-door box showed up yesterday, and i filled it with all the stuff i had in the basement. i had only scheduled to have the box for one day, because i was under the impression that i had to be here when it was picked up. after getting up this morning and assessing what still had to be done, i had a tiny nervous breakdown. i don't have a lot of stuff left to put in there, but i still have to get it into boxes first, and i don't think i have enough of those! dammit. so i called over there to try to wiggle my way into an additional day and found out that i don't have to be here for pickup, just for delivery! the point of this story is that they're picking up my box friday, and i have two more days to get shit done. whoo! two days is a lot.

it was hot yesterday, like it's going to be today, and i think i drank my body weight in water. moving is hard work. if i never move again it will be too soon. let's hope i find a place in portland that i love love love and never want to leave. all this moving around once a year was fine in college; i was younger then and my pop helped me. pop lives far away now, and i am entirely too stubborn to ask for any kind of help from anyone else. i hate helping people move, so i never ask anyone to help me. although i'm thinking i need to re-evaluate that stance. i mean, helping kids move really isn't that bad, and if it means someday they'll chip in too...man, i've been going about this all wrong.

okay, off to drink even more water, pack even more boxes, and move out of another state. if you want to come over and help, then okay. i will not stop you.

what i get to go home to

4 months, originally uploaded by Happy O'Neals.

chubby baby! look at his plump little arms and adorable belly. tell me you wouldn't pack up a moving box for a nibble of that.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

the moving box just showed up! so, you know, i'm moving. for real.

from now on, i will only live out of boxes and suitcases! easier to pick up and go. all i need is an air matress and a toothbrush!

packing is impossibly stupid. but you knew that already, didn't you?

bittersweet

my last night out was fun. a lot of fun. so much fun, in fact, that i was pretty much hungover all day yesterday. i finally felt human this morning, although my stomach is still a tiny bit angry at me. note to self: martini's get the job done, but they are a fickle mistress. seeing my friends and having drinks and going to all the bars in town i love was fun. i don't want to leave them behind. my friends, i mean. bars are great but universal. if i can get them out to visit me in portland, maybe they'll love it and stay. why can't i just take all the great part of colorado with me?! is that so much to ask?

look at my pretty corsage! it's true i basically hounded justin into buying it for me, but i loved it. it was fun to wear it around, and girls everywhere we went were all jealous. it was cute the way people reacted. part of me wanted it because it's girly flowers, the other part just wanted something fancy i could hold onto at the end of the night. having something to remember the night by, the way you do at the end of prom, was nice. is nice.

the moving box shows up tomorrow. i should be packing for it, disassembling my furniture, labeling boxes, wrapping up my five hundred virgin mary statues in bubble wrap, but instead i started knitting a new baby blanket and have been watching hours of tv. we only get two channels, both of them are lousy, and yet i sat through a whole hour of cops last night. my eyes have that heavy pressure behind them, like right before you realize you're going to cry, only i'm not crying. it gives me a headache. there's a lot i'm sad about leaving behind, more than i realized until just this week. that makes me both happy and sad, and also makes me want to curl up on the couch and watch some more tv and knit furiously at the celadon blanket, ignoring the inevitable.