painfully exciting

i went looking on-line last night for a new pair of low top chucks. you know, the ones me and every other hipster has been wearing since high school. in fact, i think the pair i have now i actually bought right after high school. personally, i like to wear them with a dress or skirt, because i look extra-cute in them that way. i'm digressing. i did some looking, found my shoes, and then was browsing the other converse shoes when i happened upon these beauties. they are just like my classic low-top chucks, but they are leather, with velcro straps. i nearly had a heart attack i was so excited. look at them! are they not gorgeous? don't they scream my name? even though they weren't available in my exact size (i have small feet that come in a half size, when not all men's/boy's shoes come in half sizes), i'm used to wearing my chucks a half size too big or small, plus you always have to stick an insole them to begin with. lucky for me (unlucky for my checking account) a certain on-line shoe store has a credit card of mine on file. in short, five minutes after seeing these lovelies they were ordered and now all i have to do is wait. that's the exciting part.

the painful part is my left hand. i think i'm knitting too much, typing too much, and that that weird undiagnosed hand thing might actually be something i need to have looked at. my hands new favorite trick is to spazz out, seize up, and/or go numb. one of my roommates thinks it might be carpal tunnel, but i've never heard of it presenting in the hand as a weird, painful crease. although i do have tingling as well as decreased gripping ability. i can't hold anything with my left hand if i grip it like an "o" for long, i have to put my thumb on the same side as my fingers, making a "c" instead. i might be wrong, though, and this could be carpal tunnel. my mom had carpal tunnel so bad she actually had to have surgery to correct it. she was all frakenstein-y for weeks and pop had to help her get dressed and stuff for a while, but she's much better now. i don't know, i could self-diagnose myself from here to next week, but the point is my hand hurts and i can't wait to have health insurance. once i get it i'm staying in town long enough to see a whole lot of doctors. i want to see an eye doctor, a hand doctor, someone about my back and my bum knee and maybe a real shrink. oh, and a dermataologist and dentist. it's going to rule.

also, that whole john mark karr bullshit? he's extra freaky for sure, and i admit i was sort of fascinated by the whole thing in a way that made me feel guilty as well as creeped out, but we all knew it wasn't him. he's too batshit crazy for that, although i do think he's been messing with little girls for way too long and i'm glad they've at least got him for that. it just all seemed too easy, too strange, and oddly convenient. i know there's no proof of it, but i've always thought the killer was more close to home, and that once we found out who it was it would be even worse because of that.

sadness and stupidness

it monsooned the other day here. of course the second the rain started coming down hard, the cat decided she needed to go outside. i thought she'd hang out under the overhang watching the rain and staying dry, but she disappeared for over and hour. there was a massive amount of lightening and thunder, and i was sort of worried. i mean, what if the cat got hit by lightening? that would make me a collossal jerk for letting her out in the first place. she came inside happy and soaking wet later, let me rub her down with a towel, then insisted on getting me all wet by sitting in my lap and licking herself clean. such a strange little creature.
i enjoy lambics. this was the first time i had the cherry, and it was lovely. nothing like a nice fruity beer while a girl gets some knitting done.
then! the saddest news of the week, that sweater i'm making had to be frogged. the whole ten inches, ripped out and started over again. goddamn. i made a very amatuer mistake, using the wrong size needles for the body. when i realized what i'd done i spent some time measuring the piece, trying to figure out if it would fit the way it was, trying to convince myself i could forge ahead and everything would be fine, but in the end i realized it was going to have to be ripped out. i'm not going to spend upwards of $100 and countless hours working on a sweater that doesn't fit and makes me sad to look at. ripping it all out was sad at the time, but it's a temporary sort of sadness. once the sweater is done and lovely and my favorite thing to curl up in i'll think aobut the frogging and be glad i did it. i hope!

last night a boy i sort of know harassed me all night long about making him a sweater like the one has now and loves, but i told him over and over again NO. all knitters know that you only make sweaters for people you are married to or are related to. sweaters are a big deal, they are work and stress and the ultimate sign of "hey, i like you." some boy i kind of know is not getting a sweater from me. "but i'll buy the yarn!" um, no. you can't give me back the hours it will take to make it, and plus, you haven't bought me a big, shiny ring. you aren't my cousin, my kid, or a sibling. you do not qualify for a sweater. the end!

dumb question

i'm up too late (have to work early tomorrow and i admit i'm sleepy) trying to figure out why when i downloaded the latest firefox i lost my scroll bar. i can't scroll from side to side on pages that are wide. i also can't zoom to the bottom or tops of pages that are very long. this annoys me to no end. can you help me? did i download it wrong? is there somewhere i can go to fix it? i tried edit and view and tools, and haven't found anything. i'm feeling dorky for being irritated by this, and even dorkier for not being able to figure it out.

favorite part of tonight: saying to my roommate, "we only had two beers" and having her say back, "yeah, but it was 42 oz of beer." math!

i melted

today was a really hot day. not so hot that i burst into flames, but almost.

i had to work at an outdoor event all day, on campus, and it was the hottest day of the week. naturally. had to get up at the crack of dawn (i was at work at 7 in the morning, which for me is early), haul a ton of stuff that we didn't sell up what felt like a million flights of stairs, and then we sat there. after that, we sat there some more, and then finished up the day with some sitting. it was beyond boring, but i did do some reading, and almost finished the very last mitten that's currently on my schedule. i would have gotten it done, but i have this weird muscle-cramp in my left hand that decided to act up today. once i get health insurance, the first thing i'm doing is seeing a doctor about that hand because since december there's been this bizarro crease in it and i can't open it up all the way without huge pain. oh wait, i was complaining about my incredibly hot and boring day. um yeah, so my hand hurts, i'm tired of being sweaty, and spending all day tomorrow in an air-conditioned store actually sounds kind of fun right now.

my ebay auctions ended today, and i earned about what i wanted. if i had made $20 more i would have been happier, but i almost made half of what i spent on the yarn for my new sweater, which showed up today! it was such a small little box i almost had a heart attack. the balls of yarn looked so teeny, i immediatedly freaked out that it won't be enough for an actual sweater that will fit my chubby body. of course the only way to make myself feel better was to start knitting right away so i could see how it knitted up. hurty hand be damned! i only got a few inches of the front (or back, they're the same) done, but already i feel like it's going to fit just fine, and i'm excited about making my very first sweater.

excited, sweaty, tired and hey! futurama just came on. must be time for bed.

dude, those are my boobs

more importantly, that's my new brothers and sisters shirt! the show last night was great, i was really happy i went out. hangover be damned! having a red beer when i got there helped, too.

seeing dave made me really happy. the place the show was at, the hi-dive, was pretty cool. not too divey, not too pretentious, just right. i got to hear a new song the band recorded while they were in l.a., and i got to see the inside of a real, honest-to-goodness tour bus. it was a good night out. there are some pictures over here.

i'm conflicted about moving right now. on the one hand, i want to go home now. on the other, waiting a few more months means saving more money, not having to worry about getting a new job right away, having more time to get my ducks in a row. on the other hand, who cares about debt when i have a job that's retarded, working for a company who's been yanking my chain about hiring me for months. i could be at home with my people sooner rather than later. i don't know. the people i work with i honestly like, the job itself i'm so-so about, the company is kind of massive and oppressive and i still have to pay through the nose to see a doctor for anything. at this point i'm even thinking about selling my car and just about everything else, packing the rest of it up, shipping it and getting on a plane. i miss my people more than anything, but i made my bed, and there's a certain amount of sucking it up and just dealing with this reasonably that should probably be done.

oy

ahem. i am a bit hung over. however, i did learn last night that riding bikes while tipsy is just about the greatest thing ever. i mean it, it's not just fun, it's like the most fun thing in the whole wide world! i met up with some friends for drinks downtown, and when we were done and ready to go home i got to ride the pegs on kevin's bike. that was fun, but when we got back to the house i took one of the bikes out myself and just rode around the block. it was all quiet and dark and beautiful, and i rode past still houses and parked cars, looking at the stars and getting my hair all messy. it was wonderful. i want to get myself a little beach cruiser so i can ride around town all the time.


i'm going into denver tonight, which should be fun, but it would be more fun if i weren't so tired and my head didn't hurt so much. i took some ibuprofen, and i've been drinking tons of water (and some soda), so i think by the time i have to leave i'll be fine. i have an hour and a half to get it together, wish me luck.

not exactly milk and cookies

but it is beer and cookies. a co-worker is having a birthday barbeque, and so i made her cookies. tollhouse chocolate chip, the greatest cookie recipe of all time. i don't know why anyone bothers to make another chocolate chip recipe, this is the one. baking made me wishful for fall, though. i'm done with the sun and heat, give me a nice cloudy day, leaves changing color, and air that smells like fireplaces.

the list: law & order edition

it wasn't just me that noticed that good old crush vincent d'onofrio wasn't on my official list. this is because i felt like law & order consumes enough of my life as it is, and i didn't want all my slots filled with nothing but good looking television detectives. that's why i'm making the list: law & order edition.

1. detective robert "bobby" goren. weird, smart, neurotic, tall, with slightly curly hair. in short, my dream man. i will also admit that the first boy i ever kissed and the first boy i ever went all the way with were the same way. i don't know if it's just me or all women, but there's this thing about your first that always sticks with you. it's like a weird imprint that you can't quite shake.
   
2. detective elliot stabler. there was this one episode where stabler is talking to his wife at home and he has these teensy aqua bikini briefs on, and i was simultaneously grossed out and totally excited. i mean, if the briefs had been black, i would have been a little upset (because i believe men should only wear boxers), but i could have lived with it. the sheer fact of their bizarro color makes this one of my most shameful secrets: i liked him in teensy manties*. no, i loved him.
   
3. detective reynaldo "ray" curtis. hotness on a stick. that beautiful face, that great hair, that conviction to get the bad guy and the way he worked with lenny all made me fall for him. i wanted to be mrs. detective curtis for a long time.
   
4. detective mike logan. a little bit of a loose cannon, stereotypically fightin' irish kind of guy, i loved his plaid ties almost as much as i loved his hair. um, i think i might have a problem with hair. i've mentioned it a lot already, but i can't help it. hair is very important to me. in any case, logan was all firey and sometimes a total jerkface, but always a solid guy and i dreamt about meeting him in a cop bar and taking him home.
   
5. dr. emil skoda. unlikely choice, i know, given that he has no hair (and that photo of him on imdb is bad) but i've always had a soft spot for skoda. i think it's his deep voice i love, and his sad eyes. i love dr. huang too, but i know he's gay in real life and i've never been one to have a hopeless gay crush.
   

*manties are man-panties, which is what i call anything that isn't a pair of boxer shorts.

a regular post for those of you who don't knit

before my roommate's went camping i found a box of zoo pals cutlery at the store and brought them home, where i snuck them into their cooler before they went. they found them as they were unpacking and cracked up, but then they found an octopus fork. i had no idea it was in there. NO IDEA. if i had known one of the designs was a happy pink octo, i would have taken them all out of the box. thankfully they brought a few home, and i made this one into a magnet for the fridge. it's not enough that this incredibly adorable fork exists, i have to be able to see it all the time as well.

i took the catapus painting off the watercolor paper block this afternoon, so i could paint another picture (of one of these) and found it was the last piece of paper on the block. how could i have not realized that?

done!

well, the knitting part of this blanket is all done. it does still need to be washed and blocked, but i'm happy it's finished. it wasn't the hardest project i've ever undertaken as far as the knitting went (it was a pretty basic pattern) but it did require a lot of paying attention and making sure i took notes as i went along. i am not the kind of knitter who can remember which row she left off on, or memorize patterns easily. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it did mean i had to get used to carrying around a pencil with my knitting. the end result was totally worth it though; it's a lovely little blankie that is crazy soft and snuggly. plus, it was the first time i tried something like this and realized that with some preparation i could do it. this definitely bolstered my knitting self-esteem.

because i feel sort of guilty about spending big money on yarn, i put up some from my stash on ebay. that's originally how i got started on ebay; buying yarn. it's a great resource for buying and selling yarn, because we all buy yarns that we don't use or are looking for a bargain. sometimes just clearing out your stash is a good feeling too. some yarns hang out forever, constant reminders of a project you never finished, some are leftovers from a project you did finish, and some is just stuff you buy thinking "oh this is pretty i'll find something to do with it" and then never do. i have three yarn baskets, and they are pretty close to full. when they get that way, i get rid of some. it's just that time of year! plus, maybe selling some will defray the cost of my very expensive sweater (which probably isn't that expensive when you think about it, it's just more than i've ever spent on a project). i'm nervous about making that sweater because i have yet to finish a project that big, but i'm sort of sick of smaller projects, and have done really well this past year starting and finishing all my projects. i think i'm ready. wish me luck.

also, if you don't knit or don't care about knitting, this post was kind of crappy, huh? oops.

bye bye, paycheck

i spent $80 tonight on yarn. seriously. why? because i'm absolutely dying to make this sweater, and a thorough internet search found very few sources of the yarn indicated in the pattern. normally this does not bother me since i very rarely actually follow patterns all the way through. i don't remember the last time i actually used the yarn they tell you to in the pattern. however, this yarn i know for a fact to be ridiculously soft and delicious, and please! it's stripey. i was doomed from the start. i also love the boatneck, and while i wanted to do the stripes in red which i found impossible to find, i did secure some nice grey for the stripes. the end result will probably be a bit less mod and a little more goth. i've started one sweater in my entire knitting career, and did not finish it. i think i was too green when i started it, and now i have no desire for a brown cardigan. (the yarn will likely be recycled into another project, hopefully one i will finish.) this will be different i think because i'm getting faster with my knitting, i'm infinitely more patient, and i'm actually better at what i do and feel more comfortable doing it. buying $80 worth of yarn might be a gamble, but i truly love this sweater and want it to be my own.

also, i'm watching no reservations on tv right now and thinking maybe anthony bourdain might need to be on my list. he's smart, he's funny, he's a great writer, has that great thick hair, and knows the value of a well-made cocktail. plus, he just ate sheep stomach like it was no big deal. he could be my boyfriend.

shallow

i'm embarassed to admit this, but the news of chris robinson and kate hudson breaking up makes me sad. it's not like i love either one of them that much, or even know them for christ's sake, but i liked their whole "happy hippy family" vibe. even if "happy hippy" was really more like "insanely wealthy with long hair." they just seemed cute and happy.

nocturnal mole girl

there is something about 11:30 at night that makes me want to clean stuff, fold clothes, make the bed, do a mud mask and pull out the vacuum. it goes totally against my slug-like nature. maybe i'm nocturnal. do you think there's something wrong with me?

i bought some cute yarn today, finished everything but the thumb on a new pair of mittens, picked up some magazines (stupid interweave knits came in a bag this month, making it impossible for me not to buy. i had to know what was in there!) , got all the stuff i've been meaning to mail but avoiding together, and now the venture brothers are on, so i might become less productive. although the past few weeks i've missed big chunks of the venture brothers because they come on at exactly the same time as my instudrious attacks.

last night i stayed up until three because i found the fuse channel and had to watch massive amounts of music videos. i grew up with early mtv, and can't help my deep love of teensy movies set to music. i also discovered another reason to love the raconteurs: their video for steady as she goes. 1: little jack lawrence has a villianous mustache, 2: paul reubens is in it, 3: jack white's incredible cuteness. while watching videos last night i also started thinking about adding danger mouse to my list. i don't have any musicians on there, plus he's super cute, has great hair and judging by his work with the cartoon network, would indulge me in my love of cartoons. then i saw the video for 30 seconds to mars, and realized that jared leto is still pretty, but still strikes me as pretty dumb as well. i hate how in interviews with his band he's always in a unibomber hoodie like we won't recognize him as jordan catalano. sorry, jordan, that's not going to happen. yay for rocking the eyeliner, though! we need more men wearing makeup, as far as i'm concerned.

this is the end

i've had the house to myself for most of the week, with my roommates out camping since tuesday. i haven't done anything super fun or revolutionary while they're gone, outside of making a frozen pizza and waiting a full 24 hours before i wash a dirty dish, but it was a good time anyhow. since tonight is my last night i bought a bottle of sofia and finished off the leftover pizza, now i'm going to finish some mittens for jude and watch some horrible tv. (saturday television is horrible because tv stations expect us to be out, you know, having a life. when i get my own tv station, i'm going to cater it to insomniacs, introverts and spinsters.)

i had a guy at work today get all fussy with me and he said, "i'm sorry i'm being so confrontational" and i said "you're nothing compared to some customers." after that, he calmed down. weird. also, this week i ordered a phone from the company i work for. after eight months, they got me! i still won't have an employee plan (what with being the longest-temp-on-earth), but i do have a "friends and family" family plan that kicks ass and a teensy, tiny pink phone is on it's way to me. i swoon when i think about it, and have already named it justine. when i talk about it i sing the old dolly parton song, "jolene" with her name instead. dork!

i got a haircut yesterday and today i actually got up, blew it out like i was supposed to, and put in mousse. MOUSSE. the end is near, kids.

be honest

when you blog, do you have a specific audience in mind? sometimes i think about the kinds of people who seem to read my blog (or rather, the people that post comments. those are the only readers that you learn anything about!) when i'm writing something up, sometimes i'll think of a specific person when i write about a particular topic, sometimes i think about how people might react at a lack of posting, or i'll swear less because i think someone might not like it so much. i leave stuff out because i'm not comfortable sharing with everyone, and i feel guilty sometimes about that. which is dumb, because damn this is a blog and not anything terribly important. even the word "blog" makes it impossible to take too seriously. i just wonder what sorts of things you might think about when you blog, if you think long and hard before posting (like i sometimes do) or if you just let your fingers do their thing and deal with the effects later (which is another way i work). i'm more curious than anything else. i've been thinking about this for a while, and just wanted to know what you thought.

i mean, in the grand scheme of things it's not like my blog is of worldwide importance, at the same time, it is very important to me. this last year was difficult in a lot of ways, but i always had a place where i could say/write what i was thinking, and that's been enormously good for me. plus, i've been blogging for what? three years now? that's a long time. i started it in my basement apartment with a free trial of typepad, messing with settings until super late at night on my crappy old laptop, buying domain names later, and even learning a little coding along the way. it's a part of my life that i have a hard time explaining to anyone who doesn't get it, like why i feel the need to post entries about movies and nervous breakdowns and books and my lists. then when i think i've thought about it enough, i like to ask you why you do it.

plus, the mustache totally won. i'm going to go shopping for one now! and do a little drawing just to be on the safe side, because really, it was a close race.

day off!

lately my days off are basically the exact opposite of productive, but i am determined to make tomorrow's day off count. i've already booked a hair appointment, looked into a paint-your-own-pottery place (more on that in a sec), put some clothes both in the washer AND the drier, and done some sketches for a shirt and the pottery place. i'm also looking up good haircut photos for my hairdresser. i might keep the bangs and get a long shag haircut. i kind of want a whole bunch of crazy layers that i can mess with in the morning and that make bed head look good. why is it all hairdressing photos on line are so awful? i might have to do a little sketch for that, too. also i have five million emails to respond to, a book to read, a kitten to pet, and some pjs to crawl into.

oh! the pottery place. minnie said it first, but i'm not going to lie, i've been thinking about it for months. i want to make a big kraken platter. and maybe some kraken mugs. and possibly a bowl. i mean really, you know i could put him on anything.

the list

do you remember the list from friends? it goes like this; you make a list of five famous people that you have permission to sleep with no matter what. once you make the list, if you run into one of those people and have the chance to have sex with them, you can, with no recrimination from your partner. my sister and i have been talking about the list for weeks now, and we've made a few modifications. along with the original five, we have decided that you can indeed make changes to the list, however, all parties must be notified of said change and if you happen to run into someone you bumped off the list, you cannot take it back. we've also added two alternates to the list, one being "someone famous old enough to be a parent" and "person of the gender you don't normally sleep with." this means if you are a hetero guy, you can add one man to your list, since i date boys i can add one girl, etc. this means seven total people on the list!

yes, it's true i don't have a boyfriend right now, but since the list has been so agonizing to make i don't feel weird trying to put it together now. you know, it's like buying cute underwear just in case. even with all the weeks i've had to put my list together, i still only have two spots definitely filled. two. this isn't brain surgery, and yet i can't figure it out. right now this is my tentative list:

1. andy samberg. i know, i know, not exactly brad pitt but five million times smarter and funnier and with all that great hair. he's for sure on the list, for the hair alone.
   
2. andy garcia. he's got this way of talking that makes me all tingly in the swimsuit area region. i think he's the only reason i like the godfather III (that and it lets me indulge in my envy of sofia coppola), but i'm not sure he'll stay on the list.
3. luke wilson. my sister and i argued over who got which wilson brother, since we both like them both. it was decided that luke was more my type and owen was more hers.
   
4. i do sort of love jason schwartzman, but then i listened to his commentary in i heart huckabees, and i don't think i could actually talk to him. he's sort of pretentious and annoying. but he was max fischer!
   
5. mark wahlberg. markie mark mark mark...there is something about that man that makes me weak in the knees. although to be honest, i feel bad about this one because of his cute girlfriend and his kids. i'm not sure he's on the list. although i'd bump schwartzman for him.
   
6. the rock. i could never actually get the rock, but he's so handsome! and huge! and seems like an honestly nice guy. he's dreamy, all manly but with a soft interior.
   
7. i sometimes think i would add johnny knoxville to the list, but he seem kind of...trampy. so no, he's off.
   
8. adrien brody should be in the final five, mainly because he made a very special "guest appearance" in a dream once and i loved him in dummy (which is a film no one has seen but is really very good). added bonus: getting to shout "yo, adrien!" when i wanted his attention.
   
9. jean reno. i can't tell if he should be in the final five or as the alternate "old enough to be my pop" category. he just seems kind of intense and brooding and i like his accent. plus, the professional is one of my favorite films.
   

in the "old enough to be my parent category," it's a tie between jim jarmusch and bill murray. i have a feeling if pressed, i will go with jim. in the "person of the gender i don't normally sleep with" i'd have to say it's either milla jovovich or lili taylor. or maybe anjelica huston, although i don't really want to make out with her so much as i want to have coffee and have her help me with my make-up.

i need to whittle the list down, obviously. and you need to start making yours and tell me what they are. together we can get our lists together! i just know it!

other folks to consider: robert downy jr., jake gylenhall, ben stiller, naomi watts, ewan mcgregor, eddie izzard, john lurie, chris noth, chris meloni, stephen malkmus, ira glass, johnathon goldstein, and hugh jackman.

today was a long day

but i finished my cute new children's mittens, spent a whole day at work (which was actually pretty productive), and am now seriously thinking about vacuuming my bedroom. someday, that is.

right now i have some pj's i needed to be in about four hours ago.

oh! and my friend dave's band, brothers and sisters, is coming to denver! they will be at the hi-dive Aug 20. i know it's a sunday, but you should all go anyway. they're a great live show, and we can have a beer and it will be fun. promise. i'll bug you about it more as the date gets closer!

sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

a.k.a. lazy. lazy, lazy. i feel like i went to bed early last night, after falling asleep on the couch for an hour. i woke up at 9:30 and fell back asleep, staying in bed until NOON. then i got up, ate some avocado on toast, watched the end of brazil, and fell asleep one more time. it's now three in the afternoon, i've gotten nothing done today (except taking out the recycling), and i can't decide if i should make a cup of coffee and go to the grocery store, or settle into the couch with a book for yet another nap. i have a feeling i'm going to just piss away the rest of this day off, but i can't figure out why i'm so tired and i don't feel like arguing with it. a book and the couch it is! maybe i'll do the cup of joe as well, and see where that takes me.

the highlight of my day

wasn't the two cocktails that made me all soft and pillow-y, rather, it was the crazy old hippy who hugged me at work today. there's something about a dirty old man with a long ponytail and a yen for composting toilets that pleases me tremendously. he asked my name, and when i told him he sighed and said, "that's wonderful, i love that name." then he wanted to know my last name, which i told him, but then added that someday i hope it's "pants." he laughed out loud and said, "amanda pants, i will be back to see you." then he hugged me and left and my co-workers made fun of me for being a softy for old hippy guys. what can i say? three magic words and i'm yours. "off the grid."

dorkiness aside, the mustache so far is winning the race. i'm looking over here for the perfect one. i'm also drawing some pictures, and looking through past photos trying to find one i like. i'm thinking about growing my bangs out. i'm chasing the cat around the house on a regular basis, which she complains loudly about but i think she secretly loves. i have a load of laundry that needs to go into the drier. i actually interviewed for that other job at work. i don't think i'll get it, but i did get a free cup of coffee out of the deal. also, i watched the machinist the other night and realized that i will never again want to make out with christian bale. once you see all of a man's vertebrae, it's over.

urine trouble!

guess who had to pee in another cup today? that's right, ME! my boss tells me the other day i have to fill out another online application at work, and that i have to take another urine test. i tell him i might need to take to a couple of days to flush all the pcp out of my system. then i ask him where and when and so today, on my day off no less, i got to pee in yet another cup. i've almost peed in as many cups as months i've lived here. whoo! he assures me that this is the last test i'll have to take before they "hire" me, and i told him i'll believe it when i see it.

we also have a work meeting tonight at some irish-pub-meets-red-robin, which is annoying (again, it's my day off) but i'll be getting paid to eat a free meal so whatever. i did tell the boss that if he does this again, schedule a work meeting for my day off, i'll be quitting. it's retarded.

other than that, i napped, made my first children's mitten (photos to come soon), made a salami sandwich and watched word wars. not a bad day off, in all. i'm looking for a good sci-fi book to read right now too, if you have any suggestions leave them in the comments!

here is a photo of the first small red mitten all done. it needs to be blocked and washed still, that will make it less lumpy around the edges. it's so little! and worked up so quick!

p.s. so far in the poll, 'stache is winning, with cartoon me and photo me running a close second. i'll let you know the final results on monday. or tuesday.

to 'stache, or not to 'stache

i have something kind of super-top-secret in the works, only it's less "secret" than "i don't want to jinx it" but i have to submit a photo of myself and this is freaking me out a little. one, i don't always take the best photos. two, i am chubby. three, this is a photo that is more important than my senior photo as far as i am concerned. i am pondering the following and need your advice. please answer my poll!

these are the looks i am considering:

1. fake mustache. you know i love the 'stache right now like no one else. i am jealous that only boys get to wear them with impunity. i want my own, and this way i will get to have one and also keep my identity sort of secret. plus! i will look all villianous.
2. draw a cartoon me. mom suggested this one after i told her i wanted to wear a fake mustache in my photo. she likes the little cartoony me i draw, and thinks i could make a nice one of those. i think she did not find the faux 'stache idea as funny as i did.
   
3. try to take a normal photo of myself. this will involve hours of patience and my tripod, but it's possible i could get a photo of myself that i like. also, i could make it black and white, which might look cool.
4. ask everyone i know to send me the photos of my they have and try to find a good on there. i could also ask a friend to take some photos, but i might get sort of self-concious and act all weird about it.
   

take the poll, yo and let me know.

what look should i rock in the mystery photo? mustache! curly mustache! cartoon. try to take a normal old picture of myself that doesn't suck. ask someone nicely to do that for me. View Results Make your own poll

si o no?

another set of the fetching fingerless mittens from knitty. this time i used a creamy wool with some thin, sparkly silver yarn thrown in for good measure. i can't tell if i love them or hate them. the silver bits are pretty subtle, but kind of punk rock. i don't know. i'm feeling all self-conscious and weird today.

mainly it's because i ran into some photos a girl i used to be friends with posted on flickr (oh flickr i love you but sometimes not so much!) and it made me sad. don't get me wrong, this was (is) a girl i decided i didn't want to be friends with, and so i stopped being friends with her, but it was not exactly a good break-up. i had another blog at the time, and she had one, and she said a lot of shitty things about me on hers, and i said things to her that might not have been very nice, but at the same time i was having a really hard time explaining why i did not want to be friends with her anymore and she just kept beating at a dead horse until i got sort of snippy. jesus, that was a long sentence. the thing is, i just didn't like how she treated her other friends. i didn't know her for very long, but these were people she grew up and she was doing things that if i were on the other end of, i would have been pretty upset. i've been friends with enough people in my day to know that how you see someone treating their friends is how they will someday treat you, and so i got off that ride because i knew how it ended. shitty? maybe. that whole "best girl friend" thing makes me nervous anyway (for a number of reasons that i'm not going to bore you with), and at the time i was hanging out with a bunch of kids i didn't think i could trust and wasn't comfortable with, and so i stopping hanging out with them. she wouldn't let it go, and i tried so hard to just say, "look, i don't want to be friends. the end," but she insisted on knowing why and i said some things that were probably pretty hurtful. however, i said them in private and she let it all out on the blogosphere, and now when i see her photos (which i am compelled to look at) i feel sad because i really did like her, sad that i can't make friends, like a loser for not having that many, and like the home i love i can't go back to because i would hate to run into her and basically everyone else i have a weird past with.

the friends i have i adore, and i feel lucky to have them, but that whole easy way i used to have of meeting people and making them my own is gone. maybe i'm too picky, maybe i'm too difficult to get along with, maybe i really am a drama queen, but i can see a difference in myself from a few years ago to now. i'm decidedly less open, and i don't know if this is a phase i'm going through, along with my early-midlife-crisis, or what. i joke about my impending spinster-hood, but i worry about being alone sometimes. and i worry that those mittens are butt-ugly.

baby names, etc

no, i'm not knocked up. but i know someone who is! since no one knows what the bun in the oven will be (other than baby, that is), the list of possible names are being made. i love thinking about what the baby might be called, and i love looking at lists of names and their meanings. of course, in order to determine whether or not the name works for me, i try yelling it after tiernan. i figure at some point someone will have to hang their head out the door yelling for them to come in, and i want it to sound all good together. so if it doesn't good right after T, then it's not on my list.
also, my niece has evidently found where the bong is hidden. i joke! baby knows hugs are better than drugs. this picture is my favorite right now for a few reasons, one being that she's beginning to look more and more like her own little person. she has her own expressions, she's starting to interact with people, and she cracks me up. is it weird to miss her and have not actually met her?

i'm addicted to the on demand on my tv. lately all i watch are old hitchcock movies. tonight's movie was spellbound, where once again i was faced with gregory peck's impossible handsomeness. he sounds amazing, and that face! i know it's not classically handsome, not pretty like newman or brando, but if i i could have had a shot at that man back in the day, he would have been in trouble. big trouble. also, ingrid bergman was insanely beautiful. the whole movie was sort of over-dramatic (like most were at the time), and the ideas about psychoanalysis were hilarious, but i enjoyed it very much and left the movie thinking more about how maybe i should do something with my hair more often and invest in a lipstick i like. hitchcock makes me feel sort of dumpy. oddly enough, in a good way.

i had a beer and a bowl of raisin bran for dinner. too hot for cooking.