Tuesday, May 20, 2008

it's like a white-trash soap opera


full windsor, originally uploaded by pinprick.

i'm not sure what's going to happen next. i called ed's last boss and found that he is indeed in king salmon, running a boat for the summer. i told him what he did, just so he would know what kind of asshole he's dealing with, and thinking maybe there is a slight chance he'll feel like a dick and help me out. then i kept thinking and wondered, did he have this planned all along? did he start that last fight expecting me to act the way i did to set all this in action? part of me thinks that this was all done very deliberately; after all, he cashed my rent check weeks before he left. another part of me thinks he isn't that smart or clever, then i realize he was totally smart enough to fool for me for quite a while so maybe he is.

i'm glad he's gone. my father is less furious at me than i expected, which is a bit of a surprise. he's not thrilled with me, and is disappointed i picked someone so wrong on so many levels, but he and mom both say they're just happy i didn't get married or knocked up. they feel like i got off easy, aside from the money issues. i'm upset about that because ed knew how hard i was working for that little bit of savings, how much it meant to me, and then he left me in a lurch and now it's all gone. it's all gone and my rent isn't even paid. what little i had set aside is gone and he's probably laughing his ass off about it.

if i think too hard about this i cry, because not only did i get royally fucked over, but i'm lucky that i did and ashamed that it came down to this. that's the part that is so hard to convey; how worthless and awful i feel. take ugly and multiply but a thousand, give it a wicked hangover and break out a front tooth and that's how feel. emotionally sucker-punched. by him in a bad way, and by my family in a good way. they don't have to stand by me, they have every right to want to tell me to grow up and take care of this on my own, but all i get are hugs and glasses of wine and kisses and soothing noises. i really am the luckiest girl on earth, even if i do feel shitty.

good riddance to bad garbage, right?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I remember saying I had a good feeling about this guy. Never listen to me again! If you want to sell me a few dish towels and an exorbidant mark-up feel free....

Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say. I am so angry for you and glad your family is so good to you when you need them to be.

Also, Eric got all goombah about it and said he wishes he could break his fingers, for what that's worth.

Anonymous said...

What a friggin douchebag. I wish for him an eternity of administering enemas to Dr Phil in Hell. All the while suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, and an infestation of pubic lice, with nothing to listen to but the greatest hits of Celine Dion and Mariah Carey.

I completely understand how you feel, and it will get better. What you need to remember at all times is HE is the asshole, not you. You are guilty only of giving your affections to somebody completely unworthy, we've all done it! Learning experience...NEXT!!

April said...

We all make mistakes so don't beat yourself up about it. If you need to get away to the city we would love to have you!!

Spacebeer said...

I will help Eric break his fingers...

Grrrrrr.

Anonymous said...

I don't even know you or Ed, and I'd like to punch him in the face.

wixlet said...

I'm in line to kick the guy's ass, too. Jeezis. He seemed to make you really happy for so long.

I don't have a lot that I'd be able to contribute, but if anyone else is up for passing the hat, well, now might be a good time.

swatymyers said...

You know, part of me is wondering if there isn't some way that you can legally have his wages withheld. I don't know if it's filing a police report, going through legal aid (or if it's even worth the aggravation) but I feel like there needs to be some kind of justice here lest he do it to some other girl.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just - wow. I've been a bit out of the blog world lately and am now just catching up. As others have said, I'm so so sorry to hear all of this. And glad that you have your family to turn to for hugs!