Friday, May 30, 2008

okay-dokey artichoke-y

sometimes you just have to buck up and put on some eyeliner and pretend things are going to be okay. that's my new strategy; things are going to be okay because i say so. because they have to be, and because i'm through feeling bad about this and wallowing around the house feeling sickly and retarded. it's one thing to be embarrassed and ashamed about dating and living with ed, but that can't be all i do.

i'm going to have to throw more money at these problems until they go away, and that's also okay. i have plenty of ramen and groceries and gas in my car, i can make it a week then next friday i get paid again. i've got my bike for running errands and my friends to listen to me, and books to read and socks to knit and family who love me.

i'm serious. things are going to be fine because i say so and that is final.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you and the fisherman had split because you didn't have things in common, were headed in different life directions, etc, it'd be a whole different ball of wax.

He was a drunk and at the very least, not responsible and verbally abusive. None of this was your fault. So he turned your head, you thought you loved him, that's not a reflection on you. The heart makes the mind do things it knows it shouldn't. You didn't get married, you didn't get knocked up and you learned something, and hopefully had a few good times.

You are most definitely going to be and are fine.

Anne said...

And now that you can make your own cheese, you can cut some of the bills, eh?