a few home declarations

the knowledge that we are soon moving into our own home, a real house, has slowly been sinking in over the past week.  it all happened so FAST.  barring anything crazy happening in the next week, we'll be closing within a month! 

of course this means i've been thinking a lot about how i want the house to look, what i want to do to it and in it, scanning blogs and paying more attention to home and garden magazines.  in my head i'm making a list of things i do and don't want to do, and i have a feeling this is going to turn into some kind of home-owning manifesto for amanda.  after the jump is a short list of things i'm going to try to adhere to.

grumpy pants

we should leave this in the boychik's room just for spite

man, i have been seriously super grumpy lately.  i think that's what being stressed out does to me, and we're all kind of in a heightened state of "oh my god there's so much to do" and also antsy to get the hell out of this house and into the new one.  i think the only one of us that isn't a grouch right now is the girlchild, and she has been a refreshing change of pace.  if i could have two days alone in the house, i think i could get a lot done and feel a lot less fussy, but the problem about having a family is that you can't kick them out for a few days because you want to.  you need a good reason, and i don't really have one.  also, i need to get over my thing where i only work on house stuff when they're gone.  after all, we're about to get married and they're not going anywhere any time soon.  i am actually going to have to adapt, i can put it off no longer.  at least the kids are back in school today and D works; i feel a great big productive streak coming on already.

lately i'm all about reading home and design blogs and am having five million ideas for things i want to do to the house.  we had the inspection this weekend, so this morning i meet with the realtor to go over the findings and maybe re-negotiate the price.  the report really didn't find much though; there are a few things that will need to be repaired and/or replaced in a few years, so we'll need to set up a fund for that sort of thing, but overall, there aren't any glaring defects.  yay!

you know what i am really excited about?

having my own tiny space to make a studio in.  i know i don't do a lot of drawing or painting or doodling, but when i do, i am very happy.  that little weird "closet" behind the master bedroom closet calls to me at night, and i've spent days now daydreaming about how i want to paint it and where i want to mount the cork.  right now i have a very steve zissou theme in mind, meaning i need to pick out exactly the right shade of blue for the walls, and obviously paint my desk red.  who's excited?  THIS GIRL.

guess who isn't really working on anything wedding related at all?

that would be me.  shit, all i can think about are things i want to do to the new house, as in painting, and things i want to do at the new house, like barbequeing.

in reality, i don't have a ton of stuff left to do.  the invitations took FOREVER because i'm a tard and making them all by hand was not my smartest idea.  at the same time, they turned out cute, so i shouldn't bitch.  there's still plenty of stuff that needs to be bought, though.  the kids need outfits, the tables need tablecloths, the centerpieces need centers, yadda yadda.  we should also probably get a marriage license, assign the pies to our loved ones, and make a menu.

honestly, i'm overwhelmed.  sometimes happily so, sometimes in a spazzed out kind of way.  this is a lot to do in a short amount of time, and while it's all very excited, it's also a lot of work.  a month and a half left, i should probably be doing something other than blogging! 

when it rains it pours

that saying also applies to good things, thank goodness.  in about two months i'll be married, have a new-ish last name (i'm still trying to decide if i'll hyphenate or not!), and guess what?  i'll also be a homeowner.  well, mostly a homeowner.  my amazing in-laws are helping us buy our very first home!  we've been talking about it with them for a while now, but had decided last week that we should really just focus on the wedding stuff, and look at houses after that was all over.  then, we all (independent of each other) saw this house come on the market that we thought looked great.  one thing led to another, we saw the house, fell more in love with it, made and offer, and TA-DAAH!  as it stands right now we move in the monday after the wedding.  isn't that crazy?

it's a great house, just big enough for the four of us, with both a sitting room and a living room, a nice big backyard, a deck, a garage with a shop built into it, and this weird "storage" room off the master bedroom that is so becoming my little craft cave.  it was a great price, we discovered that we actually know the owners, and our experience with the realtors and inspectors and all that has been good. 

to be honest, my brain is going a thousand different ways at once.  i wonder how we're going to take down the wallpaper in the kid's rooms (it's kind of dated and too young for the kids), what i'm going to paint the bedroom, how much it will cost us to buy a refurbished or used washer/drier set,  what will come with us and what we'll get rid of, what other sorts of things i should put on the bridal registry that we'll need a new place, etc.  i literally couldn't sleep last night i was so excited.  i've been in rentals now for 14 years; being able to make a place really, truly my own is just totally fucking thrilling.  it's blowing my mind! 

and here, my dears, is our lovely new place,

i'll let you know when the house-warming party is! 

creepy crawlies

the boychik and i rented some scary movies tonight, because that's what we do when we have the house to ourselves, and we both agreed that paranormal activity looked interesting.  you know, we wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 

we watched almost the entire movie with blankets up near our noses so we could hide if we needed to.  it was creepy in it's everyday-ness, kind of like the blair witch project, but you know, IN YOUR HOUSE.  *shiver*  we tried to put something else in afterward, and the dvd player made a very wrong noise, and we had to shut that shit off, and then we giggled nervously in the living room at our ridiculousness. 

he'll kill me for telling you this, but i can't help it!  we are feeling creeped out.  scary movie night just bit us in the ass! 

hey! how have you been?

things around here have been quiet.  i still have a lot of wedding stuff to work on, most of which i'm ignoring.  i'm a jackass procrastinator at heart.  most of what i have left to do is decoration stuff, and i find that just like baking, i only like to do it after 8 at night.  today i was talking to another girl at work about her upcoming wedding, and she kind of made me feel shitty about my wedding, but then i realized i just tend to feel kind of shitty when i talk to that girl anyway.  she's an eye-roller.  so, i stopped feeling shitty because i realized i was being dumb, and ate a BLT with my boy at lunch.  i'm always amazed at the power a good sandwich wields; you just can't be in a bad mood with a belly full of bacon and homemade garlic mayo.  TRY IT, i dare you. 

oh, and look!  i totally got a ring,

is it gauche to post photos of your engagement ring on a blog?!  if so, sorry.  for a while i was wearing my great-grandmother's engagement ring, which i loved, but D thought it was important for me to have my own ring.  it took a while to get this one, but now that i have it, i am a happy, happy girl.  this has the vintage look i love, but is clean and streamlined as well.  it's not terribly fussy, but oh my, it is sparkly.  i understand now why ladies love diamonds.  the magpie in me can't stop looking at my hand! 

the RSVP cards are coming in fast and furious (yay!).  i read somewhere in my wedding planning about making sure that you put some sort of identification on your rsvp cards; a number that corresponds to a guest, just in case they forget to write their name on the card.  that was great advice, but i got one yesterday that not only didn't have the respondents name on it, but i also forgot to add the numerical code on the front, so i really have no idea who sent it!  whoever it is is totally coming to my wedding, though.  who will the mystery guest be?!  i guess we'll have to wait and see.   

hmmmm

guess what happens when you fall asleep on the couch at 7?  you wake up at midnight, and then wonder if you can go back to sleep! i always do this the night before work.  dork.

i made quite possibly the most amazing lima bean dish tonight, which i know for some of you might sound like cooking the impossible, but honestly; lima beans have to be my favorite bean to cook.  if done right they are creamy little pockets of yum. i kind of made up the recipe as i went along, so i need to write it all down because it was so good.  i cooked a whole pound of dried beans, and we had a little less than a serving left after dinner.  the kids especially loved it, and that totally made me feel like a rockstar.  they are such good eaters!  completely open to trying anything once, and they tend to love stuff you'd have a hard time selling other kids.  they can probably name more veggies than your average grocery store checkout clerk, and know the difference between a parsnip and a rutabaga.  in short, they are pretty much the perfect people to cook for.

i'm going to try to go back to sleep.  wish me luck!  

menstruation nation

tonight we were watching bob's burgers (quickly becoming my new favorite cartoon) and at one point, the youngest daughter is saying she doesn't want to hang out with her older sister and mother because they are the "menstruation nation."  if i'd had milk in my mouth, it would have come out my nose at that point, i laughed so hard.  the truth is, as much as the girlchild loves me and my mother, i can tell she feels the same way sometimes, and just wants to hang out with her brother and pop because with them the subject of periods and cramps and annoying things like bloating never come up.  i am, indeed, part of the menstruation nation.  i can totally remember feeling the same way about my mom and aunts, and it's ridiculous and hilarious to be on the other side of that.  you'll be happy to know she found it funny as well, and not just because i cackled when the kid said it.

yeah, i cackle.  just like my mother!

a small treatise on the subject of motherhood

i think part of makes me want to talk about mothering and motherhood and being a step-parent is that for me it's so new.  three years ago, this was not what i thought i'd be doing.  at the most, by now i thought i'd be knocked up or with an infant; not with a 12 year old and a 16 year old.  i don't think i was specifically against that, it just wasn't something i thought of as a possibility.   i've been doing some parenting now for about two years, and while i understand that being a step-parent is different from being a bio-parent, i find myself at times balking against the distinctions.  this week i worked with a tech who i hate, and i remembered why when he kept asking about the kids, and only referred to them as "D's kids."  he kept pointing out that we haven't been together that long (personally, i think two years of 24 hours a day, 7 days a week isn't anything to sneeze at), and when i said something about "my" kids, he actually corrected me.  which i guess is his right, but honestly?  if these aren't my kids, then shit.  i've been investing way too much time, energy and love.

what makes all of this extra poignant to me is that my pop didn't get to meet them, or see me parent.  they only know him through stories, and while those are pretty good, they aren't as awesome as he was as a grandparent.  it's the anniversary of his death today (i always want to call it a "deathiversary" but you know, even i understand that's in poor taste), and while every day without him is hard, today always makes me think of him a bit more.  instead of getting all maudlin, i had a drink in his honor (or four), watched a zombie movie with the kids, and made a nice dinner.  i think he would have liked my little family, and i think he would approve of me spending time with them and thinking of him today.

and this part is embarrassing, but he showed up in a dream of mine this week where we just hung out and talked.  we were in class together, and making fun of the teacher, and just chit chatting about every day stuff.   honestly?  while i don't believe in an afterlife, those dreams always make me feel great.  like maybe he's visiting in his own way, from wherever you go after you become worm food.  it might just be my brain's way of dealing with shit, but i don't care.  i'm glad to see him. 

ugh

it's kind of a funny story

is a movie with my favorite bearded man (this week), zach galifianakis. i watched it tonight, and found it kind of sweet, and enjoyable. nothing groundbreaking about it, but it was nice. they used this version of the pixies "where is my mind?", though, and just listen. it's so lovely!

also, while poking around the youtubes, i found this version by placebo. it's excellent!

meatloaf secrets

your bridal shower ideas were awesome!  i'm sure once i get to mine and have that mimosa (or bellini) in my hand, i will have a good time.  i think i do want to go with the recipe route; one of my absolute favorite xmas gifts ever has been a binder my mom made me of all our favorite family recipes.  she has a pie in there my pop LOVED, my favorite aunt's curried rice and lamb chop recipe, my sister's favorite biscotti.  when my mother gave them to my sister and i, she had us open them up at the same time, and in the front of each was an old polaroid of us each cooking as kids.  we both burst into tears, which is weird, because honestly, we aren't a weeping bunch of women.  it was just so sweet, so thoughtful, and so useful.  we knew how mom made her meatloaf, the exact recipe for twisty xmas cookies, and she had recruited friends and family members to contribute.  it was touching. 

also, today i was pretty awesome stepmom.  the boychik is sick (walking death is what i think they call it), so i not only got him some yogurt to counteract the antibiotics he's taking, i also rented jackass 3 because i know how much he loves those douchebags.  to be fair, i loved jackass 1, it's just that the more jackasses they do, the less i am impressed.  however, i will watch grown men try to hit hard boiled eggs with their penises if it makes my boy happy.  i also brought home megamind for the girlchild and i, because we like cartoons and will ferrell. 

i made a list of the things i have left to do as far as wedding stuff goes, and it's about 15 things long.  in my humble opinion, with two months left to go, that is not so terrible.  if you think otherwise, um, please don't tell me. 

bridal shower ideas?

i was supposed to go meet my mom and aunt for pizza and to talk about the bridal shower they want to throw, but mom got caught up at work and we had to reschedule.  which is good because  i was also supposed to look up ideas for a theme, but i only came up with a few.  a recipe/cookbook shower would be nice; we can never have enough recipes!  plus, it's kind of cool to see what other people like to cook.  i heard about a "stock the bar" bridal shower and i thought at first, "awesome! booze!" but then i got to thinking, and realized that with all that booze in the house, maybe i wouldn't get any work done on wedding preparations.  you know if forced to choose between a dirty martini or making tissue paper pom poms, i might go with the olives and vodka.  we could actually use some real, grown-up furniture, so i thought maybe asking people to bring ikea gift cards would be nice, but i worry that that is too specific and too greedy sounding.

i'll admit having a shower isn't my idea of a good time (i have successfully avoided going to a lot of bridal showers because the games and forced girl-time can be a bit much, also what the fuck is up with toilet paper dresses?! that's a waste of toilet paper!), but you know what i have learned about weddings?  they are all about "me" and "my" day, unless of course, someone disagrees.  or one of my mom's friends tsk-tsks my choices.  or i decide to do something that maybe isn't super traditional.  i'm just going with the flow now.  do you have any good ideas for a relaxed bridal shower?  if so, you have to let me know, or else i will force you to eat tea sandwiches and make ribbon bouquets.  (i know i'm not supposed to plan or have anything to do with my own shower, but i've already been drafted! at least i can contribute some ideas, right?)

ugh!

i did a lot of work on invites this weekend.  we also did some comparison shopping of food and stuff, to get an idea of what are options are.

i just realized i have a ton of things to do for the wedding.  why did i put that countdown clock up there?  it just makes me crazy.  i guess it's also keeping me honest and on my toes.  also, it's always sunny in philadelphia has played a major part in my wedding preparations, just so you know. let's go knit some kitten mittons!

nuts! we spring forward tonight.

i always forget.  while i love the additional sunlight (or being awake through it, rather than the actual appearance of more sun), i hate losing that precious hour of sleep.

this weekend was kind of a bummer.  i was supposed to go to portland this weekend for the shamrock run, but honestly, my wallet put the kibosh on that.  i knew weddings were expensive before we started planning one, but i guess i thought that wouldn't apply to me because i am not having a "traditional" wedding.  we still have people to feed, invites to send, and through all that, daily life marches on.  kids need to see the dentist, we have a leak somewhere around the tub that needs to be fixed, and for some reason uncle sam still thinks i should be paying him for going to college.  sheesh.

even though i am bummed out that i had to stay home, i tried to make the most of my time here.  i worked on my wedding registry with my mother-in-law (who works at a big bed/bath store), had a nice lunch with her, and then came home and recruited the girlchild in helping me with invite stuff.  we got a bunch of stuff cut out, a whole lot of stuff stamped, and a million envelopes addressed. we also watched a few retarded and fun movies, and i have a good idea of what else i want to get done this weekend.  like santa i am making a list, and checking that shit twice.

it's not as fun as seeing my friends and nephews, but it will have to do this weekend.  sigh.

oh, and i almost forgot the really annoying part of my day;

intrest in pintrest?

i joined pintrest a while ago, to keep pictures of wedding ideas and crafts all in one place, and to see what my friends were up to on it.  so far, it's a fun little tool; i like the photos and short comments, it's neat to see what other people are looking at, and all that jazz.  i found this photo today on someone's board though, with the caption, "sexy bones."  i re-pinned it with my own comment, "this is so fucked up, i saw this on another board with the actual words 'sexy bones' on it. yeah, anorexia is super hot."  before today, i think three other people have commented on my pins or re-pinned them.  i totally surpassed that number today! 

first and foremost, i admit: i am a fat chick.  chubby, zaftig, curvy, fat, whatever.  i haven't always been this size, and i'm not always 100% happy with my body, but i don't know many women who are.  when i saw this photo and the words sexy + bones together, it made me sick to my stomach.  not because i'm a jealous fat girl, which some of the comments to my post implied, but because, really?! this is hot? i understand it's an awkward and not natural position this woman is in, unless you're a lingerie model (they hang out like this all time!), and that it places emphasis on her hip bones, but STILL.  this woman is seriously thin.  this angle, those jutting hip bones, aren't what i think of when i think of healthy.  in fact, bones poking through skin don't strike me as sexy or healthy in general.

i got a couple of responses from butt-hurt "skinny" girls who said that making fun of skinny is as bad as making fun of fat, but you know what?  i don't buy it.  plus, the point wasn't just to make fun of skinny, i'm pointing my finger at how this is the type of body women are supposed to aim for.  that we can remove a woman's head and in essence, entire personality, and reduce to her a torso that we want to fuck or look like.  that it's okay to do this and not question it.  that as women we're only worth the parts and pieces of us that other people find attractive.  that saying anything in opposition to that view is to "out" yourself as jealous, petty, and fat.  i already know that being fat isn't okay, trust me.  i'm not just saying this because i'm a pouty, pissed off chick who can't put down the ben & jerry's, and wishes that she could be so thin that other women would feel envious.  (the whole "i have to make other women hate/envy/notice me to have worth" paradigm is a topic we'll cover at another time!)  more than anything, it's upsetting to me that beauty is portrayed in such a narrow way, to such exclusion of all the other types and kinds.  words like "thinspiration" make me gag.   

let's start a revolution, let's just like ourselves as we are.  let's be healthy and happy and interesting.  let's make weirdo clothes to wear and delight in what makes us different, let's stop forcing ourselves to be anything but who we are.  let's try to be nice to our bodies and be stoked about the things they can do, and stop beating ourselves up for what we think are our shortcomings.  let's stop focusing on all the little parts, the abs, the butts, the thighs, and be grateful for health, and mobility and look at who we are as a whole.  if we want anyone to stop objectifying us, to stop treating us as property and chattel, then we need to start looking at ourselves that way too.

(yeah, i'm a feminist.  i don't think that's a bad word.)      

broken record

i spent NINE HOURS yesterday working on my wedding invitations.  NINE HOURS.  if they had super-cap-locks, you can bet i'd be using it right now.  most of that time was spent trying to make my mother's printer cooperate, adjusting it, calibrating it, filling it with new ink and arguing with it.  it was frustrating to not only have to re-write, type and set my invites, but having to deal with that old printer was like salting the wound.  i thought that going over there to work on the invites would be kind of relaxing; i could work and drink coffee out of her awesome keurig, play with maggie and may while things were printing, and visit with mom.  none of that happened but the coffee drinking.  the printer was also quite possibly the SLOWEST PRINTER ON EARTH, and for all those hours working, i didn't even get it all done!  the RSVP cards still need to be finished; her printer did not like the small paper size and basically just sprayed toner at random or just spit out blank sheets until i decided to call it a night.

it was draining work, even thought it was really just me doing nerdy stuff and formatting things.  i came home, watched SNL with the girlchild (miley fucking cyrus was actually pretty fucking funny, much to my chagrin), went to bed at about 2 and woke up this morning with D at 8.  i got up for a few hours and then decided it was cold and i wanted to go back to bed, and the next thing i knew it was 2 in the afternoon!  my mother likes to call me "mattress ass" and honestly, you can see why.  i can't believe the morning got so far away from me!  i'm glad that a big chunk of the printing is done; i can spend some time tonight and tomorrow cutting and putting things together, and hopefully this week i can get to a printer that will accept and work with my small RSVP cards.  it cheers me up to know that the end result of all this work are cute invitations, but days like yesterday made me wish i'd just bought a box of them at the craft store.  (which we all know i could have never done! that would have felt like cheating!)      

aaargh!

i was having a pretty good day earlier.  my work schedule was just right; full without being crazy busy, the weather was sunny (albeit windy), and all my patients were interesting folks.  then i got a nice long lunch break and got to go out to lunch with my boyfriend.  we went to our favorite local tavern, the trainwreck, and i ate a ridiculously delicious salad that i had never tried before; an oriental chicken salad.  i don't know why i never tried it before, the chicken was tender and had a great gingery soy marinade/sauce, it had seaweed salad in it (awesome!) and cashews and the dressing had just the right amount of heat in it.  it also had grapefruit segments in it, and normally i hate grapefruit (unless it's in juice form and mixed liberally with vodka) but this was divine.  honestly, i could talk about that salad all day.  unfortunately, my boyfriend was in a crappy mood and guess what?  by the end of lunch, i was too.  instead of hanging out with him afterward, i dropped him off and went back to work. 

i came home still kind of annoyed at how crabby he was this afternoon and thought i would get some work done printing parts of our invites when the computer i was working on just stopped working.  you can turn it on, and all it does is beep at you.  like a dumbass, i didn't back up any of my wedding invite documents on a memory stick or email them to myself because the computer had been working great for the past week.  in fact, yesterday i worked on it for hours without it seizing up!  sure, that computer has had some issues in the past, but it also is the only one with word on it and the only one that printer likes to talk to, so while i knew i was taking a chance i did it anyway.  i could kick myself.  i'm going to have to hope that the magical computer fixing elves show up soon so i can retrieve my documents, or find another computer with word that i can use and re-work everything.  which sounds like so much fun.  SO MUCH FUN.  as a consolation prize, i cut some paper tonight.  whoo. 

so i had half of a good day, an amazing salad, and then an annoying afternoon and evening.  aren't you glad i told you all about it?! 

evidently i am a big fan of the west coast

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