names

yesterday, at D's family easter celebration, i announced that i would be taking D's last name.  for a while i toyed with the idea of still having a hyphen; keeping my father's last name and adding D's to it.  the more i'm with d and the kids, though, the more i think i'd like it if we all had the same last name.  we have a joke where whenever someone does something awesome, we say " Go, Team R!" like the venture brothers, which is kind of how this all started.  yesterday, when i said, "oh, i'm just going to be a r----," D's dad actually put his hand on mine, sighed and said, "thank you."  i told him after he bought me a house, i kind of thought that's the least i could do, and he said, "oh! you didn't have to do that!" and we had a good laugh and i realized i'm doing the right thing.  it makes him happy, it makes the kids happy, and i'll always be a bentley, regardless of what my last name is.

plus, only having one last name sounds kind of nice.  you spend 33 years explaining your hyphen and tell me how you feel about it. 

country roads

this will come as no surprise to anyone, but i've been kind of stressed out lately.  excited and happy too, but also anxious and busy.  the wedding is less than a month away, and it feels like we still have a lot to do.  the week after that we have to move four people out of a house we've lived in for years, and the thought of that is so daunting to me.  i hate moving all by myself, i can hardly bring myself to pack things in any kind of neat or orderly way, i always wait until the last minute and throw things in trash bags and boxes, then procrastinate for MONTHS with the unpacking.  you've seen me move enough times to know that's true! only this time, i'm kind of a grown-up, suddenly have kids, and kind of need to set a better example.  it's also a lot more important to get set up easily and comfortably in the new house, because kids need stability and their toothbrushes.  on occasion the thought of all my responsibilities kind of strikes me dumb.

in addition to all the fun stresses of getting married and having a home of our very own, the kid's mom has come back on the scene.  it's been about 8 years since anyone has heard from her, and guess what brought her back this time?  facebook.  (dear facebook, i hate you even more now. congratulations!)  it's a weird and touchy situation all around; with one kid trying to make contact, and one kid not wanting to have anything to do with her.  D isn't thrilled to have to talk about it either, and we're worried that the kids will end up disappointed or hurt.  to be honest, so far the contact that's been made between her and the kids hasn't looked too promising.  i hope i'm wrong.

today was a crazy beautiful day, though.  spring in the pacific northwest has taken forever to show up, and this is the first sunny, warm day we've had in forever.  the kids were out with their friends, D was at work, so i took a nice long drive.  i forgot my MP3 player, but found some tapes in the car, and spent hours driving around listening to jane's addiction.  by the time i got home, i felt considerably more cheerful.  the sun, the sights, the aimless wandering all did me good.  since coming home i've gotten some wedding stuff done, made plans to do more wedding stuff with my mother-in-law on monday, and tidied up the house.  it's amazing what a long stretch of road does for my mood.

the evils of facebook

i broke up facebook months ago; at least i thought i did.  turns out, they never really remove your account, they just "deactivate" it, and you're still there, just looking like that asshole who never posts.  which i guess in my case, was kind of true.  it's kind of a long story why facebook became kind of an issue again, but there are things i kind of feel like i need to be paying attention to.  being a quiet and benign presence there can't hurt my parenting skills, let's put it that way.  it's not really the most terrible thing to happen to me; logging in tonight i changed my last name for the first of what i hear is going to be many times, and i got to see what kids i haven't talked to in forever are doing, and i did a little spring cleaning.  i got rid of some friends that had been only work friends (and a long time ago, at that), i pared things down to close friends and family.  my list is much smaller, and the people on there now are people who post things that are actually fun to read.  yay for that.  still, being on there makes me feel strange, and i can't tell if this will be a lasting thing, or if i'll just deactivate again.

also, i think D and i figured out what we song we want to use for our first dance today.  honestly, it came on the radio and we started talking about how awesome it was, and then i said, "hey, we could use this for our first dance."  we came home and listened to it a few more times, and i think we're decided!  we're keeping it a secret though, at D's request.  i will say this: it's not anything either of us would have thought we'd pick.  which is kind of what makes it so rad.   

my newest crush

*dreamy! handy!*

this guy, antonio ballatore.  he has a show on HGTV, called the antonio treatment, which i have quickly become obsessed with.  i guess he's been on tv for a while, but i only recently discovered him.  i tried to find a photo of him with his awesome glasses, but this will do.  isn't he handsome?  his decorating is also totally fucking insane, and i mean that in the best way possible.  his rooms look bizarre and beautiful, and he's got what i think of as a coney island aesthetic.  plus, he's tall, he can obviously grow a beard, and he's got a super cool dog.  swoon alert!

just check out some of these awesome rooms for yourself, and try to tell me they aren't ridiculously wonderful.  i can only hope some of my house looks so good someday!  

a few home declarations

the knowledge that we are soon moving into our own home, a real house, has slowly been sinking in over the past week.  it all happened so FAST.  barring anything crazy happening in the next week, we'll be closing within a month! 

of course this means i've been thinking a lot about how i want the house to look, what i want to do to it and in it, scanning blogs and paying more attention to home and garden magazines.  in my head i'm making a list of things i do and don't want to do, and i have a feeling this is going to turn into some kind of home-owning manifesto for amanda.  after the jump is a short list of things i'm going to try to adhere to.

grumpy pants

we should leave this in the boychik's room just for spite

man, i have been seriously super grumpy lately.  i think that's what being stressed out does to me, and we're all kind of in a heightened state of "oh my god there's so much to do" and also antsy to get the hell out of this house and into the new one.  i think the only one of us that isn't a grouch right now is the girlchild, and she has been a refreshing change of pace.  if i could have two days alone in the house, i think i could get a lot done and feel a lot less fussy, but the problem about having a family is that you can't kick them out for a few days because you want to.  you need a good reason, and i don't really have one.  also, i need to get over my thing where i only work on house stuff when they're gone.  after all, we're about to get married and they're not going anywhere any time soon.  i am actually going to have to adapt, i can put it off no longer.  at least the kids are back in school today and D works; i feel a great big productive streak coming on already.

lately i'm all about reading home and design blogs and am having five million ideas for things i want to do to the house.  we had the inspection this weekend, so this morning i meet with the realtor to go over the findings and maybe re-negotiate the price.  the report really didn't find much though; there are a few things that will need to be repaired and/or replaced in a few years, so we'll need to set up a fund for that sort of thing, but overall, there aren't any glaring defects.  yay!

you know what i am really excited about?

having my own tiny space to make a studio in.  i know i don't do a lot of drawing or painting or doodling, but when i do, i am very happy.  that little weird "closet" behind the master bedroom closet calls to me at night, and i've spent days now daydreaming about how i want to paint it and where i want to mount the cork.  right now i have a very steve zissou theme in mind, meaning i need to pick out exactly the right shade of blue for the walls, and obviously paint my desk red.  who's excited?  THIS GIRL.

guess who isn't really working on anything wedding related at all?

that would be me.  shit, all i can think about are things i want to do to the new house, as in painting, and things i want to do at the new house, like barbequeing.

in reality, i don't have a ton of stuff left to do.  the invitations took FOREVER because i'm a tard and making them all by hand was not my smartest idea.  at the same time, they turned out cute, so i shouldn't bitch.  there's still plenty of stuff that needs to be bought, though.  the kids need outfits, the tables need tablecloths, the centerpieces need centers, yadda yadda.  we should also probably get a marriage license, assign the pies to our loved ones, and make a menu.

honestly, i'm overwhelmed.  sometimes happily so, sometimes in a spazzed out kind of way.  this is a lot to do in a short amount of time, and while it's all very excited, it's also a lot of work.  a month and a half left, i should probably be doing something other than blogging! 

when it rains it pours

that saying also applies to good things, thank goodness.  in about two months i'll be married, have a new-ish last name (i'm still trying to decide if i'll hyphenate or not!), and guess what?  i'll also be a homeowner.  well, mostly a homeowner.  my amazing in-laws are helping us buy our very first home!  we've been talking about it with them for a while now, but had decided last week that we should really just focus on the wedding stuff, and look at houses after that was all over.  then, we all (independent of each other) saw this house come on the market that we thought looked great.  one thing led to another, we saw the house, fell more in love with it, made and offer, and TA-DAAH!  as it stands right now we move in the monday after the wedding.  isn't that crazy?

it's a great house, just big enough for the four of us, with both a sitting room and a living room, a nice big backyard, a deck, a garage with a shop built into it, and this weird "storage" room off the master bedroom that is so becoming my little craft cave.  it was a great price, we discovered that we actually know the owners, and our experience with the realtors and inspectors and all that has been good. 

to be honest, my brain is going a thousand different ways at once.  i wonder how we're going to take down the wallpaper in the kid's rooms (it's kind of dated and too young for the kids), what i'm going to paint the bedroom, how much it will cost us to buy a refurbished or used washer/drier set,  what will come with us and what we'll get rid of, what other sorts of things i should put on the bridal registry that we'll need a new place, etc.  i literally couldn't sleep last night i was so excited.  i've been in rentals now for 14 years; being able to make a place really, truly my own is just totally fucking thrilling.  it's blowing my mind! 

and here, my dears, is our lovely new place,

i'll let you know when the house-warming party is! 

creepy crawlies

the boychik and i rented some scary movies tonight, because that's what we do when we have the house to ourselves, and we both agreed that paranormal activity looked interesting.  you know, we wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 

we watched almost the entire movie with blankets up near our noses so we could hide if we needed to.  it was creepy in it's everyday-ness, kind of like the blair witch project, but you know, IN YOUR HOUSE.  *shiver*  we tried to put something else in afterward, and the dvd player made a very wrong noise, and we had to shut that shit off, and then we giggled nervously in the living room at our ridiculousness. 

he'll kill me for telling you this, but i can't help it!  we are feeling creeped out.  scary movie night just bit us in the ass! 

hey! how have you been?

things around here have been quiet.  i still have a lot of wedding stuff to work on, most of which i'm ignoring.  i'm a jackass procrastinator at heart.  most of what i have left to do is decoration stuff, and i find that just like baking, i only like to do it after 8 at night.  today i was talking to another girl at work about her upcoming wedding, and she kind of made me feel shitty about my wedding, but then i realized i just tend to feel kind of shitty when i talk to that girl anyway.  she's an eye-roller.  so, i stopped feeling shitty because i realized i was being dumb, and ate a BLT with my boy at lunch.  i'm always amazed at the power a good sandwich wields; you just can't be in a bad mood with a belly full of bacon and homemade garlic mayo.  TRY IT, i dare you. 

oh, and look!  i totally got a ring,

is it gauche to post photos of your engagement ring on a blog?!  if so, sorry.  for a while i was wearing my great-grandmother's engagement ring, which i loved, but D thought it was important for me to have my own ring.  it took a while to get this one, but now that i have it, i am a happy, happy girl.  this has the vintage look i love, but is clean and streamlined as well.  it's not terribly fussy, but oh my, it is sparkly.  i understand now why ladies love diamonds.  the magpie in me can't stop looking at my hand! 

the RSVP cards are coming in fast and furious (yay!).  i read somewhere in my wedding planning about making sure that you put some sort of identification on your rsvp cards; a number that corresponds to a guest, just in case they forget to write their name on the card.  that was great advice, but i got one yesterday that not only didn't have the respondents name on it, but i also forgot to add the numerical code on the front, so i really have no idea who sent it!  whoever it is is totally coming to my wedding, though.  who will the mystery guest be?!  i guess we'll have to wait and see.   

hmmmm

guess what happens when you fall asleep on the couch at 7?  you wake up at midnight, and then wonder if you can go back to sleep! i always do this the night before work.  dork.

i made quite possibly the most amazing lima bean dish tonight, which i know for some of you might sound like cooking the impossible, but honestly; lima beans have to be my favorite bean to cook.  if done right they are creamy little pockets of yum. i kind of made up the recipe as i went along, so i need to write it all down because it was so good.  i cooked a whole pound of dried beans, and we had a little less than a serving left after dinner.  the kids especially loved it, and that totally made me feel like a rockstar.  they are such good eaters!  completely open to trying anything once, and they tend to love stuff you'd have a hard time selling other kids.  they can probably name more veggies than your average grocery store checkout clerk, and know the difference between a parsnip and a rutabaga.  in short, they are pretty much the perfect people to cook for.

i'm going to try to go back to sleep.  wish me luck!  

menstruation nation

tonight we were watching bob's burgers (quickly becoming my new favorite cartoon) and at one point, the youngest daughter is saying she doesn't want to hang out with her older sister and mother because they are the "menstruation nation."  if i'd had milk in my mouth, it would have come out my nose at that point, i laughed so hard.  the truth is, as much as the girlchild loves me and my mother, i can tell she feels the same way sometimes, and just wants to hang out with her brother and pop because with them the subject of periods and cramps and annoying things like bloating never come up.  i am, indeed, part of the menstruation nation.  i can totally remember feeling the same way about my mom and aunts, and it's ridiculous and hilarious to be on the other side of that.  you'll be happy to know she found it funny as well, and not just because i cackled when the kid said it.

yeah, i cackle.  just like my mother!

a small treatise on the subject of motherhood

i think part of makes me want to talk about mothering and motherhood and being a step-parent is that for me it's so new.  three years ago, this was not what i thought i'd be doing.  at the most, by now i thought i'd be knocked up or with an infant; not with a 12 year old and a 16 year old.  i don't think i was specifically against that, it just wasn't something i thought of as a possibility.   i've been doing some parenting now for about two years, and while i understand that being a step-parent is different from being a bio-parent, i find myself at times balking against the distinctions.  this week i worked with a tech who i hate, and i remembered why when he kept asking about the kids, and only referred to them as "D's kids."  he kept pointing out that we haven't been together that long (personally, i think two years of 24 hours a day, 7 days a week isn't anything to sneeze at), and when i said something about "my" kids, he actually corrected me.  which i guess is his right, but honestly?  if these aren't my kids, then shit.  i've been investing way too much time, energy and love.

what makes all of this extra poignant to me is that my pop didn't get to meet them, or see me parent.  they only know him through stories, and while those are pretty good, they aren't as awesome as he was as a grandparent.  it's the anniversary of his death today (i always want to call it a "deathiversary" but you know, even i understand that's in poor taste), and while every day without him is hard, today always makes me think of him a bit more.  instead of getting all maudlin, i had a drink in his honor (or four), watched a zombie movie with the kids, and made a nice dinner.  i think he would have liked my little family, and i think he would approve of me spending time with them and thinking of him today.

and this part is embarrassing, but he showed up in a dream of mine this week where we just hung out and talked.  we were in class together, and making fun of the teacher, and just chit chatting about every day stuff.   honestly?  while i don't believe in an afterlife, those dreams always make me feel great.  like maybe he's visiting in his own way, from wherever you go after you become worm food.  it might just be my brain's way of dealing with shit, but i don't care.  i'm glad to see him. 

ugh

it's kind of a funny story

is a movie with my favorite bearded man (this week), zach galifianakis. i watched it tonight, and found it kind of sweet, and enjoyable. nothing groundbreaking about it, but it was nice. they used this version of the pixies "where is my mind?", though, and just listen. it's so lovely!

also, while poking around the youtubes, i found this version by placebo. it's excellent!

meatloaf secrets

your bridal shower ideas were awesome!  i'm sure once i get to mine and have that mimosa (or bellini) in my hand, i will have a good time.  i think i do want to go with the recipe route; one of my absolute favorite xmas gifts ever has been a binder my mom made me of all our favorite family recipes.  she has a pie in there my pop LOVED, my favorite aunt's curried rice and lamb chop recipe, my sister's favorite biscotti.  when my mother gave them to my sister and i, she had us open them up at the same time, and in the front of each was an old polaroid of us each cooking as kids.  we both burst into tears, which is weird, because honestly, we aren't a weeping bunch of women.  it was just so sweet, so thoughtful, and so useful.  we knew how mom made her meatloaf, the exact recipe for twisty xmas cookies, and she had recruited friends and family members to contribute.  it was touching. 

also, today i was pretty awesome stepmom.  the boychik is sick (walking death is what i think they call it), so i not only got him some yogurt to counteract the antibiotics he's taking, i also rented jackass 3 because i know how much he loves those douchebags.  to be fair, i loved jackass 1, it's just that the more jackasses they do, the less i am impressed.  however, i will watch grown men try to hit hard boiled eggs with their penises if it makes my boy happy.  i also brought home megamind for the girlchild and i, because we like cartoons and will ferrell. 

i made a list of the things i have left to do as far as wedding stuff goes, and it's about 15 things long.  in my humble opinion, with two months left to go, that is not so terrible.  if you think otherwise, um, please don't tell me. 

bridal shower ideas?

i was supposed to go meet my mom and aunt for pizza and to talk about the bridal shower they want to throw, but mom got caught up at work and we had to reschedule.  which is good because  i was also supposed to look up ideas for a theme, but i only came up with a few.  a recipe/cookbook shower would be nice; we can never have enough recipes!  plus, it's kind of cool to see what other people like to cook.  i heard about a "stock the bar" bridal shower and i thought at first, "awesome! booze!" but then i got to thinking, and realized that with all that booze in the house, maybe i wouldn't get any work done on wedding preparations.  you know if forced to choose between a dirty martini or making tissue paper pom poms, i might go with the olives and vodka.  we could actually use some real, grown-up furniture, so i thought maybe asking people to bring ikea gift cards would be nice, but i worry that that is too specific and too greedy sounding.

i'll admit having a shower isn't my idea of a good time (i have successfully avoided going to a lot of bridal showers because the games and forced girl-time can be a bit much, also what the fuck is up with toilet paper dresses?! that's a waste of toilet paper!), but you know what i have learned about weddings?  they are all about "me" and "my" day, unless of course, someone disagrees.  or one of my mom's friends tsk-tsks my choices.  or i decide to do something that maybe isn't super traditional.  i'm just going with the flow now.  do you have any good ideas for a relaxed bridal shower?  if so, you have to let me know, or else i will force you to eat tea sandwiches and make ribbon bouquets.  (i know i'm not supposed to plan or have anything to do with my own shower, but i've already been drafted! at least i can contribute some ideas, right?)

ugh!

i did a lot of work on invites this weekend.  we also did some comparison shopping of food and stuff, to get an idea of what are options are.

i just realized i have a ton of things to do for the wedding.  why did i put that countdown clock up there?  it just makes me crazy.  i guess it's also keeping me honest and on my toes.  also, it's always sunny in philadelphia has played a major part in my wedding preparations, just so you know. let's go knit some kitten mittons!

nuts! we spring forward tonight.

i always forget.  while i love the additional sunlight (or being awake through it, rather than the actual appearance of more sun), i hate losing that precious hour of sleep.

this weekend was kind of a bummer.  i was supposed to go to portland this weekend for the shamrock run, but honestly, my wallet put the kibosh on that.  i knew weddings were expensive before we started planning one, but i guess i thought that wouldn't apply to me because i am not having a "traditional" wedding.  we still have people to feed, invites to send, and through all that, daily life marches on.  kids need to see the dentist, we have a leak somewhere around the tub that needs to be fixed, and for some reason uncle sam still thinks i should be paying him for going to college.  sheesh.

even though i am bummed out that i had to stay home, i tried to make the most of my time here.  i worked on my wedding registry with my mother-in-law (who works at a big bed/bath store), had a nice lunch with her, and then came home and recruited the girlchild in helping me with invite stuff.  we got a bunch of stuff cut out, a whole lot of stuff stamped, and a million envelopes addressed. we also watched a few retarded and fun movies, and i have a good idea of what else i want to get done this weekend.  like santa i am making a list, and checking that shit twice.

it's not as fun as seeing my friends and nephews, but it will have to do this weekend.  sigh.

oh, and i almost forgot the really annoying part of my day;