stampgasm!

i got a lot of work done on my wedding invitations this weekend.  i went from literally a box of paper just sitting there to a whole stack of things done and ready to go, word documents finalized, and plans aplenty.  i think it scared D a little; suddenly i seemed to know exactly what was going on and had a lot of stuff done.  which is just how i work. 

a lot of my plans for hand-drawn and written invitation elements kind of fell by the wayside once i started working.  for one thing, doing the conversion from doodle in my sketchbook to pdf file is a bigger undertaking than i can manage on my own (which is so sad considering that i worked at kinko's long enough to actually learn all of that shit!), and for another, the way i was writing everything looked great at one size, but was harder to read at the actual size we needed.  a lot of folks getting invitations are D's older relatives, and once i shrunk down my calligraphy work it was harder to read.  i'm also going to say this even though it sounds shitty and cynical, but not everyone is going to keep our wedding invitations.  making an elaborate piece of paper art that people are eventually going to throw away seemed kind of sad.  i'm happy with the compromise i made; i think my home-printed word documents come very close to the spirit of my curly handwriting, i like the paper i picked a lot, and the end result is simple, clean and easy to read.  there are pretty acorn touches, a little bit of yarn (of course!), and personal touches throughout.  yeah, if time and money and knowledge were infinite, my invitations would be a bit fancier.  as it stands, i think they're sweet and interesting and best of all, on their way to being all done. 

buying this paper cutter was one of those expenses i probably shouldn't have splurged on, but good goddamn, I LOVE IT.  i've been really digging on all kinds of paper work and letter and card making these day anyhow, and being able to work on my invitations any time at all has been awesome.  i know printing them myself is kind of cheap, but if i can't afford letterpress at least i can trim all my paper myself!  i admit, i've been enjoying working on the invitations, at night when the kids go to bed, watching tv with a beer, cutting and stamping and setting things up like my own little assembly-line.  it feels good to have such a big project to work on, and even better watching it all come together. 

ahem

this sums up how i feel about the oscars the best.  not only did i not watch, but i didn't even feel like checking out the pretty dresses and shit on the internet today.  i'm either becoming a) a crotchety old lady or b) maybe more grown up, but in a less crotchety way.  whatever.   

things that are awesome about this sunday

1. having a laptop, so i can compute in the living room while drinking coffee.
2. spiking said coffee with cocoa.
3. having a boyfriend in the kitchen making pitas.
4. internet shopping on the couch.  
5. reading the NYtimes.
6. garlic toast for breakfast.
7. knitting! 

beware my lasers!

this is what happens when i remember that i have leftover holiday champagne and peach juice.  bellinis and fake knuckle tattoos! what makes this joke truly funny is fake punching the air with my fists and yelling "pew! pew!"

what can i say? i am easily amused. 

snow day!

a lot of folks up here in the pacific northwest got a snow day today.  last night it snowed almost 20 inches where i live, which is tremendous for us.  i didn't have to go to work early today, but i knew i had patients so i got up and took my shower and frowned around the house for a while, until my tech called and said the two patients we had scheduled for today had canceled. suddenly, i had the day off, and that frown seemed kind of ridiculous.  the kids also had the day off, and D had the day off, so there was a whole lot of loafing going on over here.  it was great.  we pulled our old futon mattress out into the living room, watched movies, drank cheladas (dear whoever invented the chelada, i love you!), made a giant pot of bean soup, and did i mention the lazing about?!  the girlchild built tunnels in the snow for most of the day, the cat went a bit stir crazy, and the boychik went out for a bike ride to see what sort of shape the rest of the neighborhood was in.  that gave D and i some alone time, ahem, and i have to say, being a grown up on a snow day is AWESOME.  truly.  our schedules have been wonky lately, and getting two minutes alone with D at any time has been kind of a miracle; having a whole hour or so to ourselves this afternoon felt downright decadent.  i know that a lot of parents and couples have that feeling, and those moments when you realize that for weeks all you've been talking about has been kids and bills and what's for dinner, and then suddenly you can talk about other stuff, and it's like "oh yeah, this is why we started dating!"  having a grown up conversation about anything else feels so novel.  today's topics were food concessions, geodesic housing, and i admit, we snuck in a little talk of bills and wedding planning.  it was really, really nice.

it was also my pop's birthday today, and while part of me was sad (of course) i was glad i could stay home with my little family and be sad with them.  when he was born, my grandmother was terribly ill with a bout of tuberculosis.  in fact, when she realized she was pregnant with him, her doctors all advised her strongly not to go through with the pregnancy because she was already so sick.  in 1948, if a doctor advised you (out loud) in the midwest to terminate your pregnancy, you had to be seriously unwell.  the day he was born, right afterward they swept her off to a sanitarium and sent him to live with an aunt who already had nine of her own children; but she always said pop was her 10th.  he was there for six months before his mother was well enough to even see him.  he was a wanted baby, though, and everyone did what they could to take care of him while my grandmother was sick.  if he were alive today, i would have bought him some candy he liked, some sort of toy or something ridiculous.  he wasn't much for big gifts; he liked weird, small things.  i drew him a birthday card one year with a robot on the front and he always kept it tucked in the china hutch behind his seat at the kitchen table.  that sort of thing was what he dug, and i appreciated that.  i wish i could have called him today and told him to have a good day, and sent him something dumb in the mail (like those cadbury fruit and nut bars! he loved those), but having a dinner he would have liked and remembering him was pretty good too.  i have days where remembering him doesn't hurt so badly, but days like today are kind of a challenge.  being able to stay home and enjoy the snow made it easier.  

oh, the angst of youth

i poke fun at the boychik's angst, shudder at the thought of the girlchild going through puberty and subjecting me to the horrors i previously visited upon my own (sainted) mother, but tonight i watched a show on independent lens about william s. burroughs and remembered that as far as angst and ennui go, none of us has a thing on old bill.

the beats were a huge part of my adolescence.  i don't even say that in an ironic way; i was terribly earnest and passionate about my love of the beats.  i read everything i could get my hands on, delighting in lawrence ferlinghetti, devouring ginsberg, prickling at burroughs.  as a young, mostly white girl living on an island, relating to a queer junkie was a stretch for my tiny brain, but the discomfort he provided was sublime.  his words were scratchy and amazing and it was the first time i ever realized that pain and horror and unhappiness could create beauty.  he was truly disenfranchised in a way i couldn't begin to understand, and it was burroughs along with the other beats that really confirmed my love of writing and reading.  it suddenly wasn't just an escape from my own awkwardness, i realized it could be a transformation.  it's almost embarrassing for me to admit this to you, but i know we all have those writers, those artists, who wake something up in us, makes us both more than what we are and also solidly, truly, ourselves.  transcendental acceptance of our own failings.  or something.

i don't think D really liked watching the movie, but i think the boychik got a little something out of it.  if anything, we got to see peter weller in some ridiculous eyeglasses, smoking a cigar and being infinitely smarter than his robocop background might lead to you believe.  also, patti fucking smith.  awesome!  if you get a chance to see this movie, i recommend it.  my favorite transgender, pangender, transhuman, genesis breyer-p.orridge also makes an appearance and that is always something to see.

synchronised tossing and turning

part of me wants to wait up tonight for D to come home, but part of me wants to be in my bed reading right this second.  i try to stay up on saturday nights; it's nice to wait up and see D for a bit before going to bed.  he always works a double on saturdays at the restaurant, so he never gets home until late and as rock star as i am, if i'm going to stay up late i want it to be because 1) i'm tipsy or 2) i'm alone and working on random projects.  by midnight on the weekends i'm kind of sick of hearing the kids bickering and need some alone time.  does that make me a bad person?  i think it's established that i do honestly like the kids, but the do also make me fucking crazy sometimes.  things that do it to me are the disney channel, the constant whiny sounds coming from the couch when one of them is on the wrong side, the way the tv has to be turned up to 70 at all times (really? are they that deaf already?) and how my throw blanket always end up smelling like rancid feet because neither one of them thinks it's important to shower more than once a week. 

well, i guess i'm just suzy fucking sunshine tonight, huh?  excuse me, i'll stop with my own whining. 
maybe i'll just send them to bed so i can have some alone time.  ooh, wouldn't that be novel?  i forget sometimes that i'm a grown up and can do that.  

i got some work done on my invitations today.  i have a good first draft, i bought some awesome brush pens that i'm getting used to, and i think tomorrow i should be able to make one that i like and can use.  my plan is to make a nice hand drawn and lettered version, then scan it and have someone smarter than me turn that scan into a working pdf file.  that way i can change the color of the type to a nice dark brown, and print it here at home on our printer.  here's a sample of what i did tonight,

still fairly rough, but i think for a first draft with a new pen, it's not the worst thing i've ever done. i like the way i worded things, and worst case scenario, i'll just find a font i like and use that.  this part of the wedding stuff is fun, but we only have 90 days left, so maybe i should just get these done and sent out, or else no one will show up at this thing!

what are you going to do...

lately i've been asked by some co-workers what i plan to "do with" my ears on my wedding day.  i've been stretching them for about ten years now; i don't think of them as super big (i'm at 9/16th of a inch), but i suppose to someone who doesn't have stretched ears, they might look big.  to be honest, i was (am) planning on finding a nice pair of white plugs to match my dress, or perhaps a pretty carved pair.  i was surprised when i was asked, though, and i actually didn't know what to say for a second.  i mean, i guess i can see why they would ask; maybe they think my mom doesn't approve or that to some members of my or D's family, they might be frowned upon, but at the same time, i don't think anyone would ask a girl who had regular earrings what they "planned on doing" with their ears.  i think they would ask, "what kind of earrings do you think you'll wear?"  i've also been asked if i'm going to cover up my tattoos with a wrap or make-up, which also kind of surprised me.  i think mainly because i live with my tattoos, and i put them there, i don't think of them too much.  it never occurred to me to  cover them up.  they're just there.  i'm not ashamed of them, the same way i'm not ashamed of my ears, and it's not like anyone in my family is going to be surprised to see them.  i guess some of D's family might not know about the tattoos, but what better time and place for them to learn about them, right?! 

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to get all bullshit on you.  i understand that not everyone chooses the particular forms of body modification that i have, and that there are some generational differences to take into account (everyone who's asked has been older), i just think there are nicer ways to ask.  it sounds kind of judgemental to ask in a way that makes it sound like the tattoos (or ears) in question are a dirty secret to be hidden.  obviously, what i think is pretty might not be what everyone thinks is pretty.  my dress doesn't have a lot of sparkly beads on it, i'm not too keen on wearing a veil or piling my hair up into an elaborate coif, the same way i don't spend a lot of time putting on make-up in the morning.  i think my ears look nice.  i like my tattoos, i think they're pretty and awesome.  more than that, i'm happy with who i am, and i'm marrying a man who is also happy with who i am.  he thinks i'm cute as hell, he likes the way i look and the goofy dances i do in the kitchen.  he's never made fun of my ridiculous big toes (which are indeed, very ridiculous), and if i came home tomorrow with a giant hot dog tattoo on my chest, he'd probably smile and compliment me on my hot buns.  i don't think my wedding day is really the day i want to try to pretend to be a pretty pretty princess.  

felled by an ugly bug

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

the day started out pretty awesome.  i made an old-school potato stamp, and decorated some bags of candy for my little family.  no one got anything too big; just some candy and a cute toy.  i did get D a small book, scenes from an impending marriage by adrian tomine, but let's be honest: that was as much for me as him.

in return, i got some candy and kisses from my sweetie as well. 

i made a beautiful dinner.  roasted some beets for a salad, mixed them with baby greens, candied walnuts (that i candied!), gorgonzola and a homemade vinaigrette.  i had picked up some tiny sirloin steaks to serve as well, which D was on top of. everyone was in a great mood, dinner was coming along beautifully, and then my wedding dress showed up!

it's gorgeous.  simple and pretty and worth every penny.  even without the fancy undergarments, the dress fit well and held all my parts and pieces up and made it all look good.  if i don't lose another pound between here and the wedding, that's okay, because really, this dress looks amazing.  i can see now why a dress that makes you feel so pretty is such a big deal when planning your wedding.  it felt good to wear something so well made and so flattering.

we were all happy about the dress, dinner was delicious and then we got settled in on the couch to watch a little adventure time when it hit me.  my stomach started to feel weird, but i thought maybe i was just really full.  then it started cramping.  then i realized that my chances of keeping down my carefully prepared, lovely and yummy meal were slim to none.  i spent the rest of the night in the bathroom, throwing up any and everything that had crossed my lips for the past 48 hours.  i don't know what caused it, but no one else got it, so hooray!  i spent the night on the couch, awake every thirty minutes, heading to the bathroom, drinking pepto and then heading back to the couch to writhe around in agony.  so romantic, right?  boo.  i'm feeling a bit better now; i spent the day asleep on the couch, ate a little bread and didn't hurl it up (although my stomach did react at first with something akin to indignation), and D is going to bring home some juice for me.  the cat seemed pleased to have a napping friend all day, even if she does hog one whole end of the couch.  i'll go back to work tomorrow, once this bug works it way through my south of the border.  oh yeah, it's that awesome.  ugh.  it was a nice valentine's day, aside from the vomit, but we all know that the vomit will be well-remembered.        

pop quiz

i'm posting this on both blogs!

i'm starting to set up my reception ipod playlist.  do you have some ideas for romantic or otherwise fun songs?  if so, you should post a comment or send me an email.  don't feel like you have to limit yourself to just one song, if you've got a lot, send them all!

some songs i know i want to play, with links to the youtube videos,

• cee-lo's old fashioned
• camper van beethoven's life is grand
• the avett brother's january wedding (even if we are getting married in may!)
• travis, sing (also flowers in the window because, um, it's so cute!)
• stevie wonder, isn't she lovely (really, though, there will probably be a lot of stevie on the playlist.  i can't hear him without smiling!)

no awards for me tonight!

the kids are duking it out over whose turn it is to do dishes.  i told them they had to work out amongst themselves, i am not the dishes police.  honestly, i don't know whose night it is, but it's someone's!  if they don't get them done by the time dad comes home, he can deal with them.  amen.

although i did make both a nutritious and delicious dinner tonight.  baked pasta goodness, or as i like to refer to it "cheater lasagna."  boil noodles (i like the high fiber penne).  take one jar of sauce and add it to a mess of veggies you have lightly sauteed (tonight it was mushrooms, yellow squash, and one block frozen spinach).  add a can of tomato sauce (or another jar of sauce, depending on what you have!).  season the hell out of it.  spray a big square baking dish with cooking spray so stuff doesn't stick too bad.  put a thin layer of sauce down, then a layer of noodles.  add dollops of ricotta cheese.  fancy chefs call them "quenelle" but i call them "dollops."  this part is kind of fun; you run into these soft pillows of ricotta throughout the casserole, and they make a nice contrast with the sauce and noodles.  layer some more sauce, some more noodles, some more dollops of ricotta, and cover with another bit of sauce.  top with shredded mozzarella, or provolone, and bake in a 350 degree oven until it's warm all the way through.  ta dah!  the awesome thing about cheater lasagna is that you can use whatever pasta and veggies you have on hand, you can add meatballs or sausage if you have those, you don't have to worry about breaking long noodles, and it's crazy easy.  honestly, you can mush it all together and bake it and it's still delicious.  you don't even need the ricotta; i've added little cubes of mozzarella here and there and the kids loved that too.

overall, boring stuff going on over here.  working on wedding stuff, working at work, working out more often than usual.  i've done a small purge of stuff (books and clothes mainly) and that feels good.  i bought ridiculous wedding underwear (hoop skirt holla!) and have read way too many horror short stories for my own good.  any ladies out there have recommendations for strapless bras that actually make a woman's boobs look awesome?  i'm finding them all to have not enough support or to smoosh the girls beyond recognition.  i don't want to spend a million dollars but then again, i'm hoping this wedding will be all about my boobs, so i'll spend money to make them look awesome.  ha!  i joke.  we all know the wedding is about booty.  (no really, it is all about my boobs.)    

the suburbs

new arcade fire! i got the album last week, found this video on the internets. honestly? i like everything the arcade fire does, so i'm biased and anything i say to try to encourage you to listen can't really be trusted. it's good, though, so you should check it out.

oh boy, i think i'm getting old

i found some four loko at the local 7-11 tonight.  i thought it was banned in WA, but who knows.  maybe my 7-11 is just...behind? or ahead of the curve, depending on how you see it.  i bought one because i was curious, and it tastes a lot like i thought it would; like sharp fruit punch with a petroleum aftertaste.  not terrible, not great, and if it had been available in college, i would have gotten knocked up for sure.  it's potent.

can't get four loko where you live or just like to do things on your own?  then enjoy the video i found on the youtubes, and go make some homebrew malt liquor energy drunk. 

mom's island cottage

i have to admit, sometimes sneaking off to the island to hang out with my mom is just what the doctor ordered.  although my mother has the hardest time doing nothing; she really was very sick, and i caught her ironing clothes and taking a shower this morning.  um, hello?  even when i'm in the best of health, no ironing goes on at my house.  hence my nickname, "unmade bed."  my other nickname, "mattress ass" refers to my ability to nap for hours.  notice both nicknames have beds in them, which should tell you a lot about my basic nature.  ahem. 

Past...

came to my mom's this afternoon. she's got a cold, or maybe a mild case of the plague, so we spent the day watching cooking shows, knitting, and napping. mom's in bed, and now I'm watching tv & creeping into her liquor cabinet. I feel 15! in a good way. there's no ice, though. just like old times!

ha ha ha

look what i learned today!

8==D

it's an emoti-dick!

i had a terrifically shitty day at work.  in fact, this week has been kind of lame, and when i got home tonight i was having one of those "i'm going to run away and join the circus and never wax my 'stache again!" moments.  then the kids were funny, and being nice to each other, and the boychik taught me how to make an emoti-dick and the girlchild and i ate some broccoli and rice casserole and...well, i don't want to run away anymore.  i had a rum and coke and am knitting and thinking about how odd it is that kids sometimes are the worst thing ever and sometimes the best.  they made me laugh when i was in a lousy mood, and you know what?  that's like a super nice thing to do.  that is, quite possibly, the nicest thing anyone can do for you when you feel like ass and work is bringing you down and you feel overwhelmed by life in general.  i'm glad that in some way, they both already know that.     

i think it's time for a pot of tea

last night was the weirdest in terms of sleep and dreams.  for one thing, i fell asleep on the couch watching cartoons, then woke up at 1 a.m.  normally this is not a big deal: i move myself to bed where i fall back asleep and everything is hunky dory.  last night i found that going back to sleep wasn't an option (for whatever reason) and i ended up staying up until 5 a.m., and then fell asleep just in time for the boychik to wake me up getting ready for school.  after he left i drifted off again, for the hour before the girlchild gets up to get ready for school.  fun times.  then i had a crazy dream about getting my lip re-pierced, in which i not only got my lip pierced, but also got two piercing in each cheek.  for some reason we didn't have the hardware for my cheek piercings (!) so we were holding them open with fishing line.  then i asked a guy who was evidently my brother to borrow his lip ring so i could get the fishing line out of my face, and he gave me this gorgeous inlaid wood and silver ring.  however, his hands were disgusting (so dirty) and i spent a long time trying to find alcohol to sterilize everything before i put it in my face.  did i mention this brother of mine was a hulking beast of a man, all gingery and bearded and nordic looking?  very unlike anything my parents actually produced?

i admit, i always enjoy having dreams about brothers, because that was my one secret wish from childhood: an older brother.

now everyone is out of the house (work and school took them away) and i think it's time for a nice pot of tea, some knitting and slowing working up toward going to the gym.  i was kind of naughty this weekend and ate both pizza and donuts, neither of which is going to help me fit into a smaller pair of pants, but i have been working out pretty steadily so i don't feel too bad.  i probably should, but there's no use crying over eaten donuts, is there?  nope.  i'm not catholic anymore, i don't need that kind of guilt.

a few notes before bed...

i should be asleep already; i'm definitely tired enough for it.  i have a few resolutions to add to my list, though.  last year was a good year; half of what i wrote down i took care of, so why not add just a few more and see how that goes?

• i'm not going to buy any new makeup this year.  i have a LOT of makeup that i don't even wear now, so i'm going to try to use what i have and not spend any more money on eye shadows and lipsticks that will just sit around looking pretty.  i will make one exception though: mascara.  i have a lot of little sample size ones my sister hooked me up with, and when i go through all of those i'll buy more.  i do love mascara, and that's one thing i do actually wear a lot of.  
• in the same vein, i'm not going to buy any clothes.  i know, crazy, right?  here's the thing: i tend to buy stuff i don't wear, and i tend to wear the same four outfits.  unless it's new underpants or socks, or clothes i need for work (scrubs), NO MORE.  i have two pairs of paints, way too many tshirts, and let's face it, my days of going out are no more.  unless something specifically wears out (like my pants), or i shrink, i'm going to put an embargo on new clothes.  if i do need something new, i'm going to try to stick with thrifted stuff.  oh, and i reserve the right to buy a different wedding dress and shoes to go with it.  duh. 

i guess technically speaking, these are both kind of offshoots of my plan to simplify things.  however, these are concrete ways, and very specific, so i thought they deserved some attention.

also, i have already gotten a haircut this year (meaning if i get two more i can cross that resolution off my list!) and have actually been working out on a regular basis.  CRAZY.  i know it's january, and i should wait to see how things go, but honestly?  i'm feeling pretty good about the resolutions i made, and my effort to keep them.  in short, i feel pretty good.  except for one of my feet, which i bonked on an elliptical and bruised.  that foot, it hurts.   

you know what's awesome?

getting to sneak in a workout with the older folks at the gym.  i'm going to hell for saying this, but i'm never working out with young people again!  running around on treadmills and ellipticals is WAY more fun when everyone else in the room is at least 30 to 40 years older than you.  i've never felt so YOUNG or ALIVE!  technically, the gym at work tonight was being used for a circuit training class for people aged 60 and over, but the gym guy, mark, let me use the machines too because the class wasn't full and they had room.  score for me!  45 minutes later i was a hot sweaty mess, but oh so pleased with myself.
    
you know what else is awesome? coming home from said workout to find my boyfriend making tiny little burgers.  i believe they are called "sliders" but i like to call them "tiny little burgers."  i'm going to take a shower and then eat some, covered in goat cheese and pickles.  hooray!

oh, those kids!

the meeting with the principal and the school counselor went well.  well, as good as can be expected.  in short, there was some stuff we didn't really know about the situation (because being a 12 year old girl is beyond complicated), some things both she and counselor clarified, and we were assured that everyone involved was meeting with the principal that day. that was the good news.  the other good news is that it really does feel like the teachers and staff were up to date on what was going on, and got this nipped in the bud.  i think we'll continue to have some issues with one of the girls, because we've been having issues with her for at least a year now.  i've been waiting to see what the fall-out will be; after a meeting like this i figured things would kind of slowly go back to normal, or HOT DAMN the girls would just get more evil and sneaky about the bullying.  it's been a little over a week now, and i think having to meet with the principal, talking to their parents about sex (which is just mortifying at that age, isn't it?), and being told in no uncertain terms that this is not okay has actually been good for all of them.  at least, that's how it seems.

what's funny about all of this is what happened literally the day after we all met with the principal.  they were having skate night at the local roller rink, and the girlchild got a call.  i could hear a little girl asking her if she could get a ride home with us afterward and i asked, "who's that?"  she told me, and it was none other than one of the girls involved in the bullying.  i was incredulous.  i said, "the same _____ that got you sent to the principal's office?" i can only imagine what my face looked like as i said it, because the girlchild's eyes got GIGANTIC.  she nodded and i said, "oh hell, no."  after she got off the phone she told me that the other little girls had apologized and the one that called said she felt bad, and i said that was great, but there was no way i was driving her anywhere.  i know that makes me a bad role model, and that it might not have been a good example of forgiveness, but all i could think was "is she serious?!"  oh, silly kid.  she messed with my girl, there's no way i'm taking that her anywhere any time soon.

basketball season starts in a few weeks, and i'm sure i'll get to deal with more little girl drama then.  whoo!  if you see me crying in the school parking lot over my knitting while banging my head into the steering wheel, maybe you can bring me a light beer?  remember, i'm on a diet.  thanks.