don't try this at home.

today at work one of the boys asked if there was anyplace i didn't take my camera. i suppose now there really isn't. although the whole time i took this (and the other bathtub photos) i thought, "if i drop this, i will die." but i was careful, and nothing got hurt. i was just so excited by the turquoise color of the bath; i bought one of those little packs of bath salts at the drugstore today and had no idea it would be so pretty. seems like turquoise is showing up a lot lately. with my newly red toes, i had to take some pictures. weird, maybe, but also strangely satisfying. i wish you could see how deep the blue was, though.

it pays to talk about people on your blog, by the way. i got a nice email from danny, who informed me that his work is indeed for sale, some of it over on his etsy site. i was fully intending to ask for a custom made skull cuff, then i saw another lovely one with the words "safety pins" on it, and my resolved crumbled. i bought it then and there. i can get the next skull bracelet he makes, right? i'm fairly sure it wasn't the last purchase i made. please go look at what he has up. if you buy a piece then we can wear them together and be twins. i know you want to...

television talk

i was watching csi tonight, for the first time in a few months (i think i'm really just the sort of kid who prefers reruns. i can never catch anything the first time it's on. second, third, or fourth? i'm there!), and dude. what the hell happened to nick stokes' hair? it's all long and shaggy now, a la greg, except, he's not greg. greg has the shag because he's affable, dorky, and trying to be cool. it suits him. on nick it looks preposterous. the entire show i was all "get a haircut!" it was too long! and too dark. it made him look a million years old. oh nick, i love you. i've especially loved you since that psycho buried you alive and grissom called you "pancho." i cried when they saved you. this haircut, it has to go. i'm sorry.

i have no life, do i?

also, i have three whole days alone in the apartment. today was day one, which is why i could take over the kitchen with my dye experiment. tonight i took a bath (!), painted my toes, ate some girl scout cookies and did not do the dishes. whoo! i remember now why i used to live alone. (which is not me complaining, it's just the whole alone in the house thing definately has some perks.)

my fingers are all blue.

spent the day trying my hand at dying yarn. i should have bought some rubber gloves, i look hypothermic at the fingertips. the bluest skein i just dunked into the dye unadulterated, the others i sort of glopped the dye on and hoped for the best. there's a lot of dye left over, i kept it in an used vodka bottle. it's funny because now the bottle looks like poison vodka. this is just regular "kitchen cotton," which is good for dye practice because it's inexpensive and can be used to make useful things like washclothes. the paragraph was poorly written. that's what happens when i spend a day alone working like a mad scientist and watching questionable movies. more photos of my dying experiment over here, as usual.

my sewing has nothing on this guy

dear flickr, thanks for showing me this photo, which led me to this website, which led me to this bracelet. i was just poking around the tag "fabric" and there it was. looking through his site there are so many beautiful things to covet. i've never thought of using fabric that way. it's so pretty. i sort of want everything on the site, not just the skull bracelet.

i don't know anything else, like if they are for sale or not. maybe at some point i'll work up a little courage to drop him a line and ask. i'm always hesitant to do that, because there's a good chance they're art pieces and already spoken for, or not for sale. besides, the purpose of art isn't always to own it, but damn i'd look good in that bracelet. or this necklace.

okay, today's goal is to learn how to successfully execute a buttonhole. i'm going to have to do some practice (it's been years since i made one, because they are hard and i love zippers) before launching into maggie's dress. it's so cute, i'd hate to mangle it with hideously misshapen buttonholes. she might be just a baby, but i'm sure she'd notice.

best reason to have a niece

damn taxes

i finally got my final W2 today, and needless to say, i got right to filing my taxes. i didn't get back as much as i wanted (when i had roughed out my return, i over-shot the mark by about $800. dork!), but i am getting a sizeable return. nothing too big, but enough to pay my car insurance, put a big chunk on some credit cards, and then go back to being broke.

what's funny is that i made a reasonable amount last year. this year so far is so sad that next year's return should be stellar.

ah well, at least it's all done. also, my friend chelsea has a husband with a band. he thinks of it as a side project, but i like it a lot, so i'm leaving you with a link. it sounds a bit like the cure making out with the stills. he's coming out with an ep soon, and i'm pretty excited. i've been listening to those four songs a lot lately, i need some more.

lasers and landmines

i'm weak

i try hard not to be annoying with my adoration of maggie, but then my sister takes a picture this cute and i have to show everyone. do you see those crazy long legs? she just turned two months old, and she is nothing but limbs. she's also smiling more, and my sister says she's even starting to hold her head up and put weight on her legs when you pick her up. all perfectly ordinary baby steps, but when it's her i tend to think it's all very genius and amazing. and really? with all babies it is.

tomorrow i'm going to head down to a big craft store that just opened up a bit father south. i want to buy some dye and some knitting needles, and maybe just look around and see what's going on. the past few days at work have been sort of intense, which is to be expected since i'm learning about a million and two new things all at once, and i feel like going out and spending a little bit of money. i've been super restrained, and really good with my budget, but i think spending ten bucks on fun stuff is okay. getting out of the house and out and about will also be good for me. i need to be out in public in something other than my black work polo, you know?

i also talked to my mom today, and she ran into the mother of a friend of mine from high school. just recently, this friend's father passed away. it was a huge shock, the death was totally unexpected, and he was such a great guy. he was the dad everyone loved. what i loved about this friend's family growing up was that they reminded me of mine; the parents were still really close and you could always go to them with anything. when her dad died, i was really sad and i sent them a hanging plant with a little note. i never heard anything back but didn't really expect to, either. when mom ran into my friend's mom, though, she said they both just got all choked up about the whole thing. i hadn't thought about it since i moved, but it made me sad all over again. my parents make me crazy, the last couple of weeks very very seriously crazy, but then i was just glad they're still around to make me nuts. this paragraph doesn't have a real point, it's just i know that even though my parents sometimes annoy the hell out of me, and they mean well and won't be around forever.

the old days

remember when blogs were just lists of links? i don't actually remember that, either. i know that's how the whole thing started, but the by time i started blogging it was a lot more journal-type writing with links thrown in. i don't think i could do a list of links every day, especially since there's boing boing. but today i'm going to leave you with a list of links to random artsy things that you might enjoy.

1. fat pie. my boss introduced me to this, and it's freaky. i admit i like my boss more now that i've seen it. watch some of the cartoons, especially the ones with salad fingers in them, but not before bed because then you might not sleep.
   
2. the imaginary world. i love little talking lemons.
   
3. mister chen's outstanding blog. i'm pretty sure mr. chen is cat and girl's cohort. he usually has some cute pictures, and check out his store. i think next week i'm going to buy the sidecar t for myself.
   
4. fudge factory has a whole bunch of new stuff up, all of it great.
5. i read about this gallery in juxtapoz, but of course they are only open the days i work. which means i've got to get an actually weekend day off so i can go down and check it out. i'm very excited about it though, especially since right now they have some brendan monroe stuff up.
   

also, yesterday i had a sandwich that i had such high hopes for that i ordered a huge one thinking it could be lunch and dinner. then, it sucked. too many red peppers, not enough banana peppers, not enough salami, too much ham. bleh.

really? you want details?

i know i left out a lot about the other night's debauchery, but i honestly thought the details might be boring to you. maybe they won't be! here are some minor details, in random list form.

1. i wore my red pants. not the dark red cords, nor the red dickies, but the bright red cords. i love those pants. those pants make me feel foxy in a way normally reserved for skirts. they are undoubtedly my favorite pants.
   
2. i only bought one beer for myself. that was sort of nice, because you know, i'm broke.
   
3. there were a lot of old styles consumed. but i didn't pay for one of them! and really, that's about the only way to drink an old style. i normally stay away from it, but they were out of pbr.
   
4. there was a boy with thick, dark, slightly curly hair. i like dark hair. make it thick and slightly curly, and i will have a hard time keeping my hands out of it. i'm like a moth to a flame when there is good hair involved.
   
5. he was, however, a republican. which means i could never marry him, because i don't want to raise kids in a mixed household.
   
6. i stayed out really, really late. how late i'll never reveal, but it was late.
   
7. even though i didn't get enough sleep, and didn't drink enough water, i had a good time. now that i've got a few days between feeling wretched and now, i can say with authority that i had a very good time and would go out again. although i am seriously going to have to start making sure i drink some damn water. i'm like a kid who thinks they're still in college, but is not.
   

the end! (oh, and i am still in sort of bad, grumpy mood that involves a dark cloud hanging above my head, but i'm in a better mood about being in the bad mood. make sense?)

first sunday

my first sunday at work was fun. i've heard it can go one of two ways; either extremely, ridiculously busy, or super slow. today was slow and that was just fine for me.

i've been in a really bad mood lately. i'm not sure what it is, but i feel like i hate everything. nothing is just right, everything is wrong, i hate that, i hate this, and it can all go to hell. pleasant, yes? it's boring to me too. boring is evidently my new favorite word. i'm going to go try to paint or draw something, and see if that doesn't perk me up. or else i'll go set something on fire.

p.s.

i have to go to work now, but i had a whole 12 hours of sleep last night (ten p.m. to ten a.m.) and i feel like a million bucks.

dear sleep, i love you. please stop by more often. xoxox me

i made it through the whole day

i wasn't sure if i would. it wasn't so much that i had too much to drink last night (although i did and also didn't have enough water), but i also only got three and a half hours of sleep last night.

when i don't sleep, which is more often than i care to, i get a little over-emotional, and it makes my whole body feel sick. my stomach hurts, my head often hurts, i feel sort of spastic and jittery, even though if i have less than four hours of sleep i do not indulge in any caffeine. so this morning i was exhausted, pissed off at myself for being a dope, and feeling seriously under the weather. it took quite a few hours for me to start feeling human (five, to be exact). what helped: gatorade, water, ginger, salty parmesan goldfish crackers, and walking around quietly. what didn't: the smell of the qdoba next door and the stupid questions some customers ask. but i did it, and i have to say i always feel like giving myself a little pat on the back when i muddle through a day as hungover as this one. i honestly did not have all that much to drink, especially considering it was spaced out over a five hour period, but i'm beginning to wonder if the altitude isn't still have a slight affect on me. it's been four and half months, but in those months i've also had to cut back on all my vices so it could be a mix of altitude and just plain "out of practice"-ness.

tonight i'm going to bed early, and taking a sleeping pill. i can't wait to have health insurance again and get prescription ones. the over-the-counter ones are okay, but i feel like they take forever to kick in. sometimes i feel like i have to take them before i even know if i'm going to have a difficult night sleeping because if i wait to find out then it will take too long to work and i'll lose more time than i'd like. this makes me feel more neurotic than i think is actually neccessary, and i'd like to have a pill i can actually take when i know for sure that i'm having a hard time sleeping. tonight i just know if i don't get a good night's sleep tomorrow will find me more jittery, more weepy (albeit on the inside!), and more of a mess in general. good stuff.

i feel like the oldest woman on earth right now. no more complaining about the hangover. i'm going to go now and put on my pj's, get into bed, and watch a movie.

the only smart thing i did last night was not drive my car anywhere. that was it. the rest, was all d-u-m-b shenanigans and hangover. i feel so ridiculously awful and have to go to work! whoo! that was really smart thinking on my part. i've already puked once, let's hopeit doesn't happen again. i'm seriously too old for this shit. which i'm pretty sure i say every time.

remind me to not watch a whole slew of depressing movies on my day off, okay? yesterday it was monster and enemies: a love story, both of which made me want to die. in between i watched american mormon, which was just about the dumbest movie ever. or rather, it was made only for mormons who want to laugh at the preconceptions and ridiculous ideas that non-mormons have about the faith. i can see how if you're mormon you would find it funny, but if i were mormon i think it would actually insult me more than anything. say it with me: polygamy was only sanctioned by the church for a very small time, isn't sanctioned today, and the only people who practice are rogue mormons. if the majority of mormons actually practiced polygamy, then chances are you would already be married to one. plus, there was no actual talk about the faith or history of latter day saints in the film, so i was bored. i was hoping it would be more of a documentary made by mormons from a mormon point of view, but it was more like one big inside joke that could have been about thirty minutes shorter. which is saying a lot because it's only an hour long movie. in the end, i spent all day grumpy and frowny and be glad you weren't here because i was not so much fun to hang out with.

i finally got one of the two W2's i've been waiting on. if i have to call a certain woman in HR at a certain shoe company i used to work for ONE MORE TIME i might be bitchy about it. if the giant-soul-sucking corporation can get their shit together, i think she should be able to as well. i just want to do my taxes!

i'm also getting another day at work, bringing the grand total to five days a week. thank you, baby jesus. of course, the day i'm picking up the next two weeks is actually more of a half-day, but it's still more hours and it's a day that isn't always so busy so i can spend my time training and not feeling rushed. at least, that's the hope. for a minute i was sad that i'm losing my sundays, then i realized that lately i haven't been using them very well and i tend to spend them in a bad mood. one day off is weird to me; there isn't really enough time to get anything done. i get way more done when i know i have two days to do it, which i think is more of a mental block than anything else. so goodbye wasted and fussy sundays, hello paycheck that might actually pay some bills.

fin.

i have a tendency to get really close to the end of a project and then set it aside. i don't know why. maybe i get bored? maybe i'm lazy? maybe it's a weird mental block? in any case, i'm trying hard lately to not do that, so when i realized all i had left to do to my wrist warmers was to sew them up, i made myself do it. you know what i think the real issue is; the end work is not as much fun as the rest, so i put it off. making cables was fun, mattress stitching is not my favorite thing ever.

i'm also working on some super-top-secret projects, and i had an idea for some new embroidery patterns that i'm sketching out. i'm trying hard not to spend money, so i didn't go anywhere fun today, but i did watch some movies. they had monster at the library, and holy cow that movie was depressing. i didn't even finish it. i knew what was going to happen and it was just all so sad and meaningless, and i was really bothered by charlize and her fake teeth. watching a pretty girl play an ugly girl is insulting. what? they don't have average or ugly actresses? i think it's supposed to make us feel better about the whole thing, knowing that charlize got to go home and take out those ugly teeth and spray on a tan. i say "no." i'm going to watch some simpson's now to cleanse my television palate.

i also checked out this book at the library and it's really making me want to learn more cable/aran stitches. i like the look of fair isle too, but i'm not ready to try knitting anything other than stripes. first things first!

you probably know more about this than i do

this isn't something i'll be doing any time soon, what with the being broke and all, but i'd like to get an external hard drive for backing up my computer. i was thinking the other day that if i lost my photos i'd be super-ultra-mega sad. i was poking around on newegg (which i love) and realized i'm not even sure what i should be looking for. buying a computer component based on price alone seems sort of foolish. do you have an external hard drive? what kind? what should i be looking for? i'd ask my pop, but that would take about three hours of a one-sided conversation where he would over-explain every little single thing and i would have an anyuerism out of boredom. don't get me wrong, he's ridiculously smart and i would get the information i needed, but i'd really like to not be on the phone with him for hours today. thanks.

joy!

i've caught a few episodes of csi: ny this month, and there's this one doctor in the morgue that i knew i recognized from someplace. it kept bugging me and bugging me, until finally i searched it out and thanks to the joy of imdb i figured out who he is: jim from desperately seeking susan! he's just a lot older now. his name is robert joy, and he's been in a million things since that movie with madonna, like law & order and nash bridges. crazy that i recognized him from a movie that's a million years old. you know, from when madonna was still sort of fun and interesting, not whacked-out on kabbalah and stringy like beef jerky.

also, you might want to go over here and watch clark ov saturn show you how to make ginger tea. ginger tea is good for basically all that ails you; cold, flu, morning sickness, grumpiness, cramps, ennui, sniffles and frigid toes. you don't have to make a big old pot either, you can easily make it in single servings. and if you don't dig on honey, then you can use another vegan sweetener. sometimes i use limes instead of lemons, or whatever citrus is around. i once made a batch with satsumas. watching the video made me happy, which is what the internet is for, yes? if you don't have the high-speed internet and want a basic recipe let me know and i will fill you in on the beauty of ginger tea.

that will be .39 cents, please

i was all excited (okay, not excited, but ready) about shutting off the computer and getting stuff done today, especially considering how i pissed sunday away, but the moment i turned the computer off i realized i needed some addresses that are only on it.

that sentence was way too long. the point is, i got my addresses, i got my stuff ready for the post office, i've made a list of things to do today, and now i'm really getting off the computer. seriously. want to see the list? it's fascinating, i promise.

1. go to post office and mail stuff. whoo! maybe pick up stamps, but probably not because i have a ton of them and it isn't really that important to get the cute birdies because i hate the lady liberty ones.
   
2. go to the craft store and pick up size 5 knitting needles as well as some more cable needles. the cable needle i have now is cheap and lame, and how on earth can a girl have a million knitting needles and no size 5's? how does that happen? i have eighteen sets of size 9, but no 5. weird.
   
3. return stuff to the library. i have gasp! a late fee on a mormon book i checked out a while ago. i'm sad i have to bring it back because i'm not all the way done with it, but the late fees make my skin crawl. i'm usually ridiculously on top of what i've got checked out, but this! this time i wasn't. i've actually never had a late fee before.

okay! i'm off! i'll be back later with theexciting update of my day.

thumbsucker

today thumbsucker showed up, it was next in my netflix queue. since lately i have a hard time doing anything in paragraph form, here is a list of my impressions:

1. the polyphonic spree annoy me sometimes, but they were excellent in this film. i liked that it was just them and elliott smith, it lent a sort of cohesiveness to the film that some soundtracks lack.
   
2. i can't go anywhere lately without running into vincent d'onofirio. and this time i was not looking for him! he was good in this film. keanu reeves was also great, and tilda swinton? if you don't love everything she's in, then we are not friends.
   
3. the love-interest girl annoyed me a lot. i think maybe she was supposed to, though. she also reminded me of a girl i actually went to high school with that i hated, so that didn't help.
   
4. overall, i thought it was a good film. not the best ever, but pretty good.

i was a thumbsucker as a kid. once i hit elementary school i stopped sucking my thumb in public, but i still did at home. i remember it went away for a big chunk of my youth, but whenever i was stressed out i would sometimes wake up with my thumb in my mouth. in high school there were moments when i would hide out and suck my thumb, too. if you ever were a thumbsucker, you know how comforting it can be. it's been years since i sucked my thumb, but i think the five years i had a tongue ring is the reason for that. oh, and now i can have a cocktail if i feel stressed out. in any case, i think if you've ever had any actual experience with thumbsucking, you'll identify with the movie more. it's not a super glamourous habit, but at least it's not crack or meth, right?

i've also spent the last few days figuring out some vacation plans and looking for cheap airfare. it's pretty fun, to be honest. i'm using orbitz, but if you know of any other services you prefer, or any other ways of getting a good deal, i'd like to hear them! i'm hoping to get a plane ticket round trip for $200 or under. it's asking a lot, but then again, i am looking two months in advance (plus a week).

and this is just me thinking out loud:
my cousin from new york was just at home visiting family and my mom told me she's opening another bar (she's got one now on the lower east side). i said, "i should move out there and be her barmaid." mom agreed. i think the whole family thinks it's not a bad idea. it would be weird to move from my happy home in seattle to colorado to new york all in one year, but i have to admit ever since my cousin opened her first bar years ago i've daydreamed about moving to the big city and slinging beers. plus, i'd get to hang out with her adorable son, which i think would be super fun. nanny by day, beer girl by night, all in the big city? i kind of like the sound of it. i don't know if i'm ballsy enough, but it's fun to think about.

a list of psuedo-celebrity crushes

1. davy rothbart. creator of found magazine, insanely cute, interested in trash and in a way, eavesdropping. you might have also seen him on usa as part of their show us your character promotion. i would go trash-picking with davy any day.
   
2. maxwell atoms. i only know three things about this man; he is cute, he created the grim adventures of billy and mandy, and he has the coolest last name ever. if i were to marry him, i would change my last name in a heartbeat.
3. ira glass. but you knew that already. what is there not to love about ira? he's cute, he's super tall, and he does this american life which is quite possibly the greatest radio show ever created.
   
4. in the same vein, i also love jonathan goldstein. for basically the same reasons, only he's not as tall as ira.
   
5. m. ward. i love his music, and in interviews he sounds a lot like a boy i used to date who i liked very much. they have the same thick, curly hair and gravely voices that sound years older than they really are.
   

the importance of a good crush, whether in real life or not, cannot be underestimated. a crush can perk anyone up, can make any day feel better, and gives you something to look forward to. i'm a fan of the crush.

one of the best things about work is having access to a copy machine again. i made some copies of patterns from knitting books that i had checked out of the library today, and remembered why sometimes working for the man comes in handy. office supply theft and illicit copies are indeed a good thing.

i spent all day on my feet running around and am actually pretty tired now. i'm going to get some more knitting done and maybe watch a movie. or maybe just some cartoons.

i felt like i had something else to write about, but i can't remember what it was now. maybe later i'll think of it.

blankie progress

i got very very very little done today. but i did a few more rows on the chevron blankie. lace means counting which means i go slower than normal knitting. this is almost one whole skein of yarn, though, which means that i will probably have to pick up at least one more skein, if not two. two would be a safe bet and if i had one left over i could do something else with it. i love it, so i wouldn't mind having some left over.

sloth

i am so lazy. i woke up at nine this morning, and made myself get up at 9:30, thinking i would have all this time to get stuff done! like clean my room, go to the grocery store, head to the library, etc. then office space came on, and have i gotten anything done? no. i did make myself take a shower, but right now it's ONE and i have yet to get my shit together and get out of my room. i also watched part of sorority boys this morning, because the hot hot hot michael rosenbaum was in it. it was dumb, but fun. or maybe it was just early and i liked seeing him in a dress. it was almost as good as seeing lex make out with clark, which is something i'm always secretly hoping happens on smallville. i guess that's my version of the catfight fantasy.

craziness!

it was a madhouse at work. my line-keeping skills were totally tested, and i kicked some list-making ass. i was taking names and handing out sodas and running phones back to the tech all at once and it was great. i am looking forward to being a salesrep, even though i also know they have to deal with idiots who get mad about big bills and people who lie to us all day about everything. ("they gave me a brand new phone the last time i came in with this issue!" um, sure. we just hand them out like candy.)

i also had a sandwich that was bigger than a baby. i only ate half, but then was so saturated with salty, beefy goodness* i was basically in a coma.

in short, as far as work was concerned, it was a good busy day. i like busy because one minute you're distracting a kid with a fake cell phone so they don't cry and ruin the feng shui of the place, and the next! you are going home. the last couple of days has also seen me doing lots of closing of cash drawers and learning things on the computer. it's a lot of new stuff, and the upside is that if i learn it now at work it won't be so bad when i go to the training. the downside is that i'm basically dreaming about work every single night. weird dreams where i get fired and then i wake up wondering if i actually did get fired and that means i get to stay home before waking all the way up and realizing that it was all dream. my co-workers show up in dreams that aren't about work all the time now too. i remember going through the same thing at finko's.

it's snowing! i think tonight i'm going to do some knitting, have some tea, and watch a movie. last night i watched the film about jacques derrida, called derrida, appropriately enough. it was pretty good. i'm pretty sure you have to at least know a little about deconstructionist philosophy to enjoy it, but even if you don't (or hate it) it's still interesting to watch a man who makes his living as a philosopher wander around and talk on film. can you imagine getting paid to do that? dude, it's as unreal as getting paid to blog.

one more small thing before i get going, i used to use last.fm when it was audioscrobbler, but i've updated my profile and stuff and added that cool button my sidebar. i like last.fm a lot, even if it does reveal me as a total dork. i think you should put it on your site too, because i am ridiculously nosy and this is just one more way for me to scratch that itch.

*corned beef and pastrami! sexiest of all cured, salted meats.

totally overwhelmed

last night blogger was being a jerk and wouldn't let me publish my post! at least it let me save it so i could publish it this morning. i was going to write more, but all that stuff i wanted to talk about in regards to nebraska and the brown sheep mill is gone now, sorry. right now i'm more concerned with my stupid bank account and all the bills that showed up today and are demanding my attention. when i stop being broke, i will be so happy. i caught a glimpse of what a commission check looks like and JESUS. that could make a girl like me very happy. of course, it will do that much later. this week i have to figure out how to pay some bills without selling my plasma. fuck this is getting old. this is probably why i don't sleep; math was never my strong suit and now not only do i have to do math, but i have to do creative math. i feel like i keep digging a hole i'm never going to get out of, but that's part of the extended cost of moving.

the worst part is knowing that i'm so broke right now that even if wanted to, i can't move home. i had planned to be out for a few years at least, but now i know i will be because there's no way in hell i'll have the money to make a move this big again for at least three years, and when it's not your decision anymore, that's sort of a hard pill to swallow. at the same time, it's not like i hate it here, and i could sell a lot of my stuff, but you know? i just like being in control and the thing about money is that sometimes you aren't. sometimes you have to suck it up and realize that you are just going to have to deal. that's not the easiest thing in the world for me to admit, but if i've learned anything about myself during this move it's that i'm doing okay adjusting.

talking about the move is b-o-r-i-n-g. talking about finances is b-o-r-i-n-g. i have enough to get by, i think, so i'm going to go now before i bore you to death. i feel like i've become a one-trick pony! maybe i'll throw dating into the mix and then my pratfalls in that department will make for better writing. you can only hope.

quickly

first things first: they don't allow cameras in the mill. did you hear that? no cameras. i cannot tell you how sad that made me. even more sad once i saw what was inside the mill. other than that one small setback, the trip was a resounding success. it kicked major ass. i have a million photos to weed through and more yarn to play with now, so i'll write you a better post later, okay? for now, feast your eyes on the remarkably restrained booty i acquired.

whoo!

this is the start of the blankie i'm knitting with my new knitpicks yarn. cute, yes? it's a lace pattern, which means i have to pay more attention to it than other things, but it's turning out pretty so i am not complaining.

and! i got a raise at work today! whoo! i'm sure i have more to say but i keep just throwing my hands up in the air and making excited noises. i'm going to nebraska, and i'm making more money. today was a good day.

inflexible me

today i totally acted like an ass at work, and then my boss did something really nice and i had to say, "hey, i'm sorry i acted like an ass. remind me to not bitch anymore, okay?" i was asked to come into work tomorrow because one of the big wigs is coming in, and i balked because it's my only day this week that i have all to myself. plus i was asked to come in tomorrow like twenty mintues before i got off work, and it felt like friday to me, and i hate having to do friday twice in one week. i am also not known for my flexibility. in fact, it is patently not one of my strong suits. all those things i do that might seem crazy and out of left field are usually things i have to force myself to do. if i have my own way, i create a little routine that i like, and stick with it. i don't like for that to messed with. this bugs me enough that sometimes i don't take the time to actually think things through. like "yes, making more money this week would be great!" instead i think, "tomorrow was my day off!" short-sighted, to say the least. i remember becoming a lot more flexible with my schedule at finko's, because every week it changed. remind me to remember that more often.

so basically i am going in tomorrow for a few hours, my boss is trying to get me a raise and more hours at the store, and sometimes i am a jerk. but on thursday i will be a jerk in another state, and i'm really looking forward to that.

booty!

yarn booty, that is. this is my order from knitpicks, the yarn i'm going to use to make maggie another blankie. i love the green color. lately i'm a sucker for green, and this yarn is almost exactly the same color as aria's eyes. this the first time i've ordered from knitpicks, but everything i'd heard about them from other knitters was wonderful, and i have to say i'm really pleased. the yarn itself is ridiculously soft, although i worry now that i didn't order enough of it. these four balls seem like nothing; i'm using a yarn not specified in the pattern, and even though they are approximately the same size, the same weight, and i orderd one ball more than in the pattern, i might have misjudged. i won't know until i cast on and do a swatch. that is, if i do a swatch. i'm notoriously bad at doing the necessary prep work for a project. i tend to just dive in.

in more good knitting news, i'm going on a field trip this week to nebraska to visit the brown sheep mill! i can't tell you how excited i am. when i was a little kid my family went back east to visit family and we went to a yarn mill, but i didn't knit them, and wasn't as enthused as i am now. i wonder which mill we went to? i can't even remember. this time though, we're going to take a tour and buy some yarn, and i've never been to nebraska so i'm even more excited. there's another state i can cross off my list. whoo!

other than that i'm boring. tomorrow is my four and a half month anniversary of the move to colorado. i feel like i should have something to say about my time here so far, but i don't think i do. not yet, anyway. maybe soon. until then, go watch the youngcast video because my patch has a small guest-spot in it.

on a steel horse i ride

1. if you take me out for sushi, and the night happens to be kareoke night, and i have had a big sapporo, it will suck to be you because you will have to wait until i rock out to leave. then when i am done rocking out, we will have to leave right away, because once the bon jovi's over, there's no good reason to stay.
   
2. my head is killing me. i always blame my hangovers and the very last drink i had, but today i'm going to switch that up a bit and blame it on the drink i had before the very last (and very free) drink. which was at quite possibly the world's cheesiest bar. it didn't feel all that cheesy until i saw a girl dancing on a stage wearing the following: cut up white half shirt, with the cut pieces hanging like fringe around her admittedly rock-hard abs. a red or pink sweatband around her forehead, black boy-short underpants, and camo-colored leg warmers that came up mid-thigh. i would think if you needed leg warmers that badly, then maybe you needed to wear pants. her dancing was straight out of flashdance too, so at least she was keeping it real.
   
3. the sushi was delicious, by the way.
4. i stepped on my purse at some point, leaving a big footprint on it. good thing it can go in the washer.
5. when preparing to go out for the night, make sure to pack both mittens, because one mitten alone won't help you. it will actually spend all night taunting you.
   
6. i got hit on twice last night, which was fun. it's been a while since that happened.
   
7. i'm also pretty sure i had a really great conversation with the boy roommate, but i can't remember much of it. that i do blame on the last cocktail.
   
8. i am so going to order a pizza. maybe right now.
   

it's not that i don't like to cook

i just always eat my spaghetti-o's out of the can. it's a bad habit i picked up as a kid, and have never shaken. there are days when even grown-ups need spaghetti-o's, and today was that day for me.

i might be in a mood because i'm going to do a little complaining. i work with a girl who i call little orange annie, due to the color of her skin. she's a bit over-done everywhere, but all the tanning she does has made her a very interesting shade. she just started working with us, although she's been with the company for a few years now. it was a transfer situation. she was supposed to work on some project with a local university, which would make her part of our store, but not in the store. long story short, she doesn't have her driver's license anymore and you kind of need one for the job she would be doing. no one really knows what she's going to do now, and to be honest, our store doesn't want her and the other store doesn't want her back. she's a nice girl, but not that bright, and she tends to slow everyone else down. evidently it's her being at the store that's caused the brakes to put on in my moving from hostess-with-the-mostess to salesgirl. i didn't know that was for sure the issue, but now that all this other stuff is coming to light, everyone is okay with telling me what's actually going on. it's frustrating, because i'm really not making much money and now that i know there's this other option that's available, the option that will make it so i can pay my bills and buy real groceries.* it's not like i'll have the most glamorous job on earth, but it would be nice to not spend all day bored to death. also, the other day someone said to me in reference to my not being trained yet for the new job, "it's not like the job is hard, how hard can it be for them to train you?" and that pissed me off. it's true that the job doesn't require a whole lot in the way of education, and isn't very technical or anything, but it is sort of complicated and they have this weird computer system that i'm going to have to learn (along with all the plans, all the different features of the various phones, blah blah blah) and i was pissed to have to defend that. i feel weird enough about the whole thing, and have days where i look forward to training and changing positions, and other days where i'm seized with the panic of "what the hell am i doing?" and i just thought that was a shitty thing to say. she doesn't know what i do, and i wouldn't make fun of her job and it felt like she was making fun of mine. i know i'm being overly sensitive about that, but i was annoyed. i probably still am since i've been chewing on this for days and furrowing my brow. it was an off-handed comment and i should just brush it off, but i'm guess i'm still sensitive about the whole thing. in a way i feel like i need to justify what i'm doing all the time to myself, and i don't want to have to do it to anyone else.

*and pay off some of the debt i incurred moving!

crap

i ordered this movie from netflix, because ever since i saw the cremaster cycle i've been interested in freemasons and other secret societies. i didn't know this movie was made in reference to that stupid dan brown and his stupid book the da vinci code (which i think is stupid, if i hadn't mentioned that already). stupid stupid stupid! i'm going to watch it anyhow, or at least start it, but if they talk a whole lot about stupid dan brown's stupid book, i'm turning it off. he's a hack. and before you get all pissy with me, yes, i did read part of his book. it was so stupid i stopped.

the good news is that i have a delicious marky mark movie to watch after. marky mark can make any bad memory go away.

later: i did watch part of it, fell asleep and took a nice nap. the movie was indeed crap, but i feel refreshed, so i suppose it wasn't all bad.

my brain is so full of law & order...

...that last night in my sleep i dreamt i was asking a guy about a girl. he was giving me some resistance and then he said, "that bitch? why do you want to know about that bitch?" and i said, "because that 'bitch' is dead." it was the perfect law & order moment. then i woke up because i had to pee.

red!

behold, my very first cable stitch. i did it all by myself! with the help of knittinghelp.com, that is. i saw these wrist warmers on kc's photostream, and knew i had to make them. it's a smaller project, and i figured it would be good practice for making cables. they scared me, but once i saw the video i thought, "oh? that's it?" and honestly, that's exactly how easy it is. go watch the video if you don't believe me. again, another good example of how knitting makes me feel more like a rock star and less like an old lady.

i got an amazing haircut today. it's been years since i recieved a decent haircut, much less a good one. one of the ladies from my knitting group just got a good haircut, and so i figured that salon would be worth a shot. it's called buzz and bliss, and this adorable girl named cori cut my hair. before i went, i had no idea what to expect. i got to the salon and thought i might be in over my head; it was real pretty and swanky. plus, they offered me a cup of coffee the second i got there! i don't know about you, but that's never happened to me at a supercuts. there was a nice, long shampoo with a head massage to start with. the haircut itself took at least 45 minutes (if not longer!) and then i went ahead and had my hair straightened. i mean, i was there, so why not? near the end of the cut i started thinking about the cost. i didn't ask about it before i got there, and suddenly i realized i was at a spa, and thought, "oh jeez, i bet this is an $80 haircut." i got a little nervous at the point, but it was a too late to do anything and i did have my credit card on me. when my cut was done i got a nice little tour of the facility, and a goody bag with a sample of some deep conditioning creme, and the bill? a measly $30. i tipped big. it was delightful. i am a million times cuter today than when i woke up today.

i am so spazzed out right now

you know me well enough to know that i have some social anxiety issues. people who are too loud, too fast, too turned-on right away, sort of freak me out. when i first meet anyone, i tend to try to stay quiet so i can figure out the situation and who i do and don't like. it's true i am a loud person myself, but i'm only loud when i'm comfortable. so if i dork out and you're in the vicinity, it means i like you. when it comes to strangers, though, i keep my crazy outside-voice to myself.
that being said, i foolishly answered the door this afternoon to a young lady. a young lady who was a 15 on a scale of one to ten. she was in my face, in my space, and so painfully cheerful i almost had a seizure. she was trying to butter me up, "oh my god! those red pants are so cool!" "no, way, you totally don't look 28." "oh my god! those earrings are awesome!!!" and i knew she was selling something and was trying hard to just listen and not push her away from the door and then slam it. i mean, most kids out selling stuff are shilling for their schools and what the hell? i'm not working today, i could spare five minutes. she was selling magazines, and i was looking over them and thought i wouldn't mind getting spin again. i asked her at least three times how much the subscription would be, and she kept giving me vague answers, until finally she filled out the little ticket and handed me my half. the total: $56. fifty-six fucking dollars for two years of a magazine i don't even want that badly. i told her there was no way i was paying $56 for a magazine, and asked if i could get a year of it. she said no, and i told her maybe if she told me how much it was going to cost when i asked her the first time i wouldn't have wasted her time. sorry, and bye.

after dealing with someone like that, i always feel overwhelmed and sort of spazzed out. if i were a dog, i would be a dog whose hackled were raised, you know? ugh. the strange thing is, i feel sort of bad that she went through her whole schpiel and i didn't buy anything. no amount of guilt is going to get me to spend that much money on a magazine, especially considering i make that money by being called "line nazi" and having little dogs pee on my podiums.

the good news is i made an appointment for a haircut today! i will no longer look like a shaggy dog. (what's with the dog analogies?) i'm leaving in a minute for that, but i had to tell someone about this crazy girl and her ridiculously expensive magazine subscriptions.

p.s. it is snowing! but snow is sometimes like rain here, so it's all soft and wet. lovely.

of snow and sleep

it's supposed to snow today. which strikes me as odd, because the past few days have been beautiful, aside from some wind. that's the thing about colorado that always confuses me; the weather changes it's mind like it's no big deal. sunny and warm one day, snowy the next, it's not actually that unusual. to me it is, but for the rest of the state it's old hat. i love it.

i think last night i got the best night's sleep ever. it was a whole eight hours! uninterrupted! and the dreams, what i can remember of them, were funny. sometimes i get more than six hours but if i'm having bad dreams, then i wake up feeling like i got less. being anxious while sleeping can tire you out. last night was amazing though. i love it when that happens.

right now though, while i still have this whole day in front of me, i'm going to try the whole "turning the computer off for a few hours" and get some stuff done. it worked like a charm last weekend, and i think taking a few hours off of the internet is reasonable. it's not that i don't love the internet, because you know i do, but it's true i get more done when i'm not being sidetracked by cool stories and pictures.

i work with a bunch of girls sometimes

in truth, i only work with four other women. the other five co-workers are men. but jeez, sometimes they act like a bunch of ladies. today they spent all day looking up how many calories and grams of fat are in the food at the fast-food place next door. we all eat there on occasion, but today they were just appalled at the calories (!) and swore they would never eat there again. after half an hour of this, i aksed them to please shut their pieholes: they're all ridiculously handsome, and not one of them is an ounce overweight. listening to anyone talk about food and diets for more than five minutes is too much for me. remember back in the day when it was considered gauche to talk to about dieting? man, i wish it still was.

other than that, though, today was quiet and i got to learn some new stuff. it's also friday for me and i have two whole days to myself! i haven't even thought about what i might do with my weekend. i want to do some crafty stuff, but i am pretty broke and will probably just go to the library and goof around. i got to go to my knitting group last night, after a week off (i was still feeling yucky that day and didn't want to infect anyone), and i felt like i hadn't knit anything in months. in truth, it hadn't been that long, but it's been a while since i was this dedicated to knitting. it's definitely one of those crafty things i do that i have to work at, i'm not naturally good at it in any way, and have to make an effort to do it right. the more i work at it, the easier it is for me to rip things out when it's not right, and the more confident i feel trying new things. i tend to focus on things that are easy for me to get the results i want, but knitting is not one of those things. which is exactly why it's good for me and explains why i feel like such a rock star when i get it right.
i also ordered some yarn this week to make the cutest baby on earth a new blankie. she doesn't need one at all, but i found a cute pattern and some really pretty yarn, so she's getting another one. what i loved about the yarn was that it's about the same color as the blankie i had as a kid (named, appropriately enough, mr. blankie), so i'm sort of excited about sharing that with her. do you see how awake she looks? she's losing that newborn sleepiness, and becoming more and more aware of the world. you should hear her on the phone, when my sister says anything to her, she grunts right back. i think i'm going to get to see her in may, and i can hardly wait.

the oscars can suck it

i got a movie today that was nothing but tiernan and jude! fifteen full minutes of my favorite boys on earth. goofing off, singing songs, dancing around, being adorable. i've seen a lot of great movies this year, but this one is my favorite. i admit i still get homesick, but it's not as bad as it was. it helps that i have a plans now about going home, that makes it easier to see the boys and not feel so sad. i miss them, though.

speaking of cute boys, do you remember the one i told you about last week? the one that came into work and i dorked out a little? he came in again today. i avoided him for the most part, but then he came over to talk to me. dude, did i just tell you this? i am not actually fifteen. but he remembered the crossword puzzle question i asked him last week, and asked if i had figured it out. he remembered! dude. i can't believe i just dorked out on you. it was nice. he is cute. i got to talk to a cute boy today. very nice.

bowling!

the oscars were tonight too. i hate sitting through award shows, though, so i'm not sad i missed it. i prefer to get the updates later!

bowling was super fun. i did lousy, but had a good time anyhow. i put some photos up on flickr. now i'm going to go put on my pj's, have a giant glass of water, and go to bed.

grumpy grump grump!

i'm excited about going bowling, but a lot less excited about wearing the shirt i made. i bought a shirt that's way too big, without realizing it, and it makes me look like a giant, shapeless dumpling. a dumpling of the unbaked, pasty variety. i didn't sleep very well last night, and tried to take a nap this afternoon but couldn't. i was in a good mood a few hours ago, but now? i'm a bit out of sorts. if i could stay home tonight, i would, but i can't and i know once i get out of the house i'll feel better. after all, there will be beer (!), bowling, and maybe junk food.

i don't mention much about my personal political beliefs, but from now on i'm never, ever, ever eating domino's pizza again. this is why. on one hand, i'm all for people with like minded beliefs creating their own communities. cohousing, socialist communes, even gated communites for the rich, all these things i'm okay with. just because i don't want to belong to a group doesn't mean i think they shouldn't be allowed to do what they want. if the group happens to be conservative catholics, more power to them. odd as this may sound, though, seeing as i am a catholic, i don't want to support a company whose founder is interested in controlling the sexual health of women (as well as men). he has every right to put his money where his mouth is, just like i do.

(music by mike post)

dammit, there's a marathon of law & order on. goodbye, chance of anything getting done today. i'll try to muddle through the best i can. maybe i will try to clean my room while watching out of the corner of my eye.

i really need a haircut, anyone have any recommendations? i'd like to see someone in fort collins, but i'd be willing to travel a bit if you have a salon/hairdresser in mind that rules. keep in mind that i have super long hair and need to see someone who will actually hear me when i say, "only take off about an inch, okay?" i might be willing to give up two inches to clean it up (i'm looking more and more like a shaggy dog, and not in a charming way), but that's all. lately my hair is the one thing i'm happy with just about everyday, and i don't want to mess with that.

this concludes this ridiculously boring post.

sometimes my rage is useful

i've mentioned before how much i hate my dvd player. hate it. loathe it, despise it, want to blow shit up when it doesn't work. which is often. all i wanted tonight was to come home, have a beer, watch some movies. was my dvd player cooperating? NO. i decided then and there that my dvd player could officially go to hell.

this is how much i hate my dvd player: i'd had dinner and part of a beer already when i decided that it could go to hell. i was in my pajamas. i put my clothes back on and headed back out into the world and bought myself a new dvd player. here is a little tip for you as well; cheap dvd players are usually good dvd players. the companies that make them just take the same dvd component that are in most computers and put it in a case. the end. for about $30 you can find a pretty decent dvd player. i found one that looked good, was small and perfectly suited to my needs.

i got it home and realized there was one teensy, tiny, seriously annoying problem though. i have an old tv, and it wouldn't connect. at this point i was driven. i was going to have a dvd player that would actually play dvds! tonight! i went back out into the world and found and rf modulator. and hallelujah, praise the lord, the perfectly reasonable dvds that netflix sent play just fine in my new dvd player. old dvd player, you can kiss my ass. new dvd player, welcome home. if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go enjoy a beer now, and watch three kings. which is, for the record, an incredibly great film.

p.s. dear marky mark, i know you've got a real pretty girlfriend, and a lovely little girl and one on the way, but damn if i don't love seeing you without a shirt on.

p.p.s maeby funke is also in three kings. another brownie point for the film.

smells like burning

remind me to keep my mouth shut more often. we were talking about making t-shirts at work because the boss man is taking us out bowling this weekend and we thought having team shirts would be cool. someone thought i did screen printing, which i don't (it's hard, man), but i did mention that we could make them with iron-on inkjet paper.

guess who's making a ton of t-shirts and having a beer and wondering about whether or not the fumes will have any ill effects on what's left of my viable eggs? it's taking longer than i thought it would, but mainly because i want to do a half-way decent job so they won't think i'm full of shit. most of them are pretty cute, except for mine because it was the first one i did and i rushed a bit, and the last one, because i was running out of printer ink. so all but two are cool!

i'm actually sort of excited about bowling with the kids at work. if you'll notice, the complaining about work has been cut down a bit, and mainly it's due to my co-workers. it's still boring as hell, ridiculously retarded and the pay is shit, but! the kids are cool. it will be interesting to have beers with them on the outside. i wonder what they look like. you know, in their civilian clothes. the first time you see your coworkers out of uniform is always weird. although we will all be wearing the same t-shirts, so maybe it won't be such a shock.

home for lunch

i live only three miles away from work. which means i'm super close and can come home for lunch. which i haven't dared do until today, the main reason being that i'm pretty sure after a comfortable hour at home, going back to work is going to suck like nothing's sucked before in the history of suckage. but i forgot to pack a lunch and really wanted to make a chik wrap, so i dared it. i'm here, i'm having a good time, and honestly? i don't feel nearly as bitter about going back to work as i thought i would be. it's quiet here, i can watch a little law & order, brush my hair and floss my teeth and then go back. it actually feels pretty refreshing. who would have guessed?

it was a ridiculously productive day

i went to the library, worked on my benson towel, bought some groceries (all the morningstar farm stuff was on sale! i have more chik patties than i know what to do with), sent out a whole bunch of fun stuff, and made a new purse. i've had that tattoo fabric forever. with the move, i'd sort of put it on the backburner. in fact, i'd say this is the first real sewing project i've done in the new apartment. outside of hemming stuff, that is. the purse i have now is okay, but the straps are sort of short and it makes carting it around a pain in the ass. a purse is useless if you can't throw it over your shoulder because then it takes up a hand, a hand that could be doing just about anything else.

it's only 7! think of all the other stuff i could get done today too. um...but i have a whole bunch of movies that i might watch instead.

9:30 p.m.

why didn't anyone tell me method man was in garden state?

du-DUH

last night i stayed up way too late working on a few new stencils to make some law & order tea towels. because nothing says, "hey, are you going to wash those dishes?" better than lenny staring at you. he's broken worse mother's than you.

today's goals are as follows:

1. go to the library and return movie. maybe pick up another.
2. stay off the computer for at least five uninterrupted hours. not counting sleeping.
3. buy some groceries.
4. go to the post office!
5. start tattoo fabric purse that i've been putting off forever.
   
6. maybe get a haircut? i could use a decent trim, but i'm at a loss as to where to go.
7. make coffee! yes! coffee!
   

worst. catholic. ever.

you aren't supposed to eat meat on ash wedensday. i've been craving a cheese burger for weeks, though, and today i broke down and got one. i haven't eaten fast food since my trip out here, and even though i broke the first lenten fast with it, it was pretty delicious.

also, i bought a bottle of cream ale named st. peter's. maybe that will counteract the cheese burger!

i never said i wasn't a jerk

on flickr, i have a firm "no groups or pools" policy, which makes me sort of anti-social as far as flickr groups go. i also tagged my photos under creative commons; i use the attribution, non-commercial, no-derivatives tag. that means i want to be credited for photos if other people use them (which happens on blogs and stuff, very cool), but i don't want them used for commercial reasons and i don't want people to alter them and then use them. pretty basic stuff. i know a lot of folks go for the whole "let anyone use it! for any reason! any time!" and that's great, but i like to let people know where i stand. the fact is, they are on a public website, for anyone to see, and swiping them and using them however you want is easy. in fact, it's the easiest thing on earth and i do it to my sister all the time when she posts photos of maggie. it's important for me for my intent to be there, though, even if it is a bit silly and useless as far as enforcement goes. i made them, and i want them to stay how they are, and if you use them, i want people to know i took them. i also don't want any jackasses using them to make money, because DUDE i have a shitty job to pay the bills and if anyone's going to make money off my photos, it's going to be ME.

but i got this weird email from some company who wanted to use some of my vegas photos in their on-line tour guide. if they had emailed me before they used them, i probably would have been ammenable, but they used one right away and then sent me an email giving me the option of withdrawing my photos. the website itself was free to use, but there were corporate sponsors and partners, meaning it wasn't a website who's owners weren't making any money. regardless of whether or not they're charging joe public, this was still a commercial use. to me, my photos are just snapshots, some turn out better than others and some i really love for various reasons, but mainly they don't have much use outside of the personal. it weirded me out to be included in something like that, and i withdrew my photos and asked them nicely to remove the other one they were already using. i felt like a jerk, but the backhanded way they did it annoyed me. and really? i don't mind being a jerk sometimes.

i use flickr so that kids i know can see my photos, and in a way, see a little part of my life. i keep the photos public because i like looking random photos taken by folks i don't know, and i like being a part of that. it's the same reason i blog. it's both for people i do know and love, and people i don't know who are curious about what someone else is thinking about. i like to eavesdrop, and i don't mind if i'm on the other side of that occasionally. before flickr and blogger i still took massive amounts of photos and wrote in journals obsessively. i'm like an archivist in my own private library (which would be the movie you would make about my life, rather than my own private idaho). documentation has always just been really important to me, from a very ridiuclously early age. i do it because i can't not do it, but i don't have any delusions that it's art or interesting to very many people. because it is so personal to me, because i can't see a photo of vegas without thinking about the drive out here, they mean more to me than just pretty sparkly things. it's nice to know someone liked my photos, but the way they wanted to use them just wasn't for me.