oh, the angst of youth

i poke fun at the boychik's angst, shudder at the thought of the girlchild going through puberty and subjecting me to the horrors i previously visited upon my own (sainted) mother, but tonight i watched a show on independent lens about william s. burroughs and remembered that as far as angst and ennui go, none of us has a thing on old bill.

the beats were a huge part of my adolescence.  i don't even say that in an ironic way; i was terribly earnest and passionate about my love of the beats.  i read everything i could get my hands on, delighting in lawrence ferlinghetti, devouring ginsberg, prickling at burroughs.  as a young, mostly white girl living on an island, relating to a queer junkie was a stretch for my tiny brain, but the discomfort he provided was sublime.  his words were scratchy and amazing and it was the first time i ever realized that pain and horror and unhappiness could create beauty.  he was truly disenfranchised in a way i couldn't begin to understand, and it was burroughs along with the other beats that really confirmed my love of writing and reading.  it suddenly wasn't just an escape from my own awkwardness, i realized it could be a transformation.  it's almost embarrassing for me to admit this to you, but i know we all have those writers, those artists, who wake something up in us, makes us both more than what we are and also solidly, truly, ourselves.  transcendental acceptance of our own failings.  or something.

i don't think D really liked watching the movie, but i think the boychik got a little something out of it.  if anything, we got to see peter weller in some ridiculous eyeglasses, smoking a cigar and being infinitely smarter than his robocop background might lead to you believe.  also, patti fucking smith.  awesome!  if you get a chance to see this movie, i recommend it.  my favorite transgender, pangender, transhuman, genesis breyer-p.orridge also makes an appearance and that is always something to see.

synchronised tossing and turning

part of me wants to wait up tonight for D to come home, but part of me wants to be in my bed reading right this second.  i try to stay up on saturday nights; it's nice to wait up and see D for a bit before going to bed.  he always works a double on saturdays at the restaurant, so he never gets home until late and as rock star as i am, if i'm going to stay up late i want it to be because 1) i'm tipsy or 2) i'm alone and working on random projects.  by midnight on the weekends i'm kind of sick of hearing the kids bickering and need some alone time.  does that make me a bad person?  i think it's established that i do honestly like the kids, but the do also make me fucking crazy sometimes.  things that do it to me are the disney channel, the constant whiny sounds coming from the couch when one of them is on the wrong side, the way the tv has to be turned up to 70 at all times (really? are they that deaf already?) and how my throw blanket always end up smelling like rancid feet because neither one of them thinks it's important to shower more than once a week. 

well, i guess i'm just suzy fucking sunshine tonight, huh?  excuse me, i'll stop with my own whining. 
maybe i'll just send them to bed so i can have some alone time.  ooh, wouldn't that be novel?  i forget sometimes that i'm a grown up and can do that.  

i got some work done on my invitations today.  i have a good first draft, i bought some awesome brush pens that i'm getting used to, and i think tomorrow i should be able to make one that i like and can use.  my plan is to make a nice hand drawn and lettered version, then scan it and have someone smarter than me turn that scan into a working pdf file.  that way i can change the color of the type to a nice dark brown, and print it here at home on our printer.  here's a sample of what i did tonight,

still fairly rough, but i think for a first draft with a new pen, it's not the worst thing i've ever done. i like the way i worded things, and worst case scenario, i'll just find a font i like and use that.  this part of the wedding stuff is fun, but we only have 90 days left, so maybe i should just get these done and sent out, or else no one will show up at this thing!

what are you going to do...

lately i've been asked by some co-workers what i plan to "do with" my ears on my wedding day.  i've been stretching them for about ten years now; i don't think of them as super big (i'm at 9/16th of a inch), but i suppose to someone who doesn't have stretched ears, they might look big.  to be honest, i was (am) planning on finding a nice pair of white plugs to match my dress, or perhaps a pretty carved pair.  i was surprised when i was asked, though, and i actually didn't know what to say for a second.  i mean, i guess i can see why they would ask; maybe they think my mom doesn't approve or that to some members of my or D's family, they might be frowned upon, but at the same time, i don't think anyone would ask a girl who had regular earrings what they "planned on doing" with their ears.  i think they would ask, "what kind of earrings do you think you'll wear?"  i've also been asked if i'm going to cover up my tattoos with a wrap or make-up, which also kind of surprised me.  i think mainly because i live with my tattoos, and i put them there, i don't think of them too much.  it never occurred to me to  cover them up.  they're just there.  i'm not ashamed of them, the same way i'm not ashamed of my ears, and it's not like anyone in my family is going to be surprised to see them.  i guess some of D's family might not know about the tattoos, but what better time and place for them to learn about them, right?! 

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to get all bullshit on you.  i understand that not everyone chooses the particular forms of body modification that i have, and that there are some generational differences to take into account (everyone who's asked has been older), i just think there are nicer ways to ask.  it sounds kind of judgemental to ask in a way that makes it sound like the tattoos (or ears) in question are a dirty secret to be hidden.  obviously, what i think is pretty might not be what everyone thinks is pretty.  my dress doesn't have a lot of sparkly beads on it, i'm not too keen on wearing a veil or piling my hair up into an elaborate coif, the same way i don't spend a lot of time putting on make-up in the morning.  i think my ears look nice.  i like my tattoos, i think they're pretty and awesome.  more than that, i'm happy with who i am, and i'm marrying a man who is also happy with who i am.  he thinks i'm cute as hell, he likes the way i look and the goofy dances i do in the kitchen.  he's never made fun of my ridiculous big toes (which are indeed, very ridiculous), and if i came home tomorrow with a giant hot dog tattoo on my chest, he'd probably smile and compliment me on my hot buns.  i don't think my wedding day is really the day i want to try to pretend to be a pretty pretty princess.  

felled by an ugly bug

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

the day started out pretty awesome.  i made an old-school potato stamp, and decorated some bags of candy for my little family.  no one got anything too big; just some candy and a cute toy.  i did get D a small book, scenes from an impending marriage by adrian tomine, but let's be honest: that was as much for me as him.

in return, i got some candy and kisses from my sweetie as well. 

i made a beautiful dinner.  roasted some beets for a salad, mixed them with baby greens, candied walnuts (that i candied!), gorgonzola and a homemade vinaigrette.  i had picked up some tiny sirloin steaks to serve as well, which D was on top of. everyone was in a great mood, dinner was coming along beautifully, and then my wedding dress showed up!

it's gorgeous.  simple and pretty and worth every penny.  even without the fancy undergarments, the dress fit well and held all my parts and pieces up and made it all look good.  if i don't lose another pound between here and the wedding, that's okay, because really, this dress looks amazing.  i can see now why a dress that makes you feel so pretty is such a big deal when planning your wedding.  it felt good to wear something so well made and so flattering.

we were all happy about the dress, dinner was delicious and then we got settled in on the couch to watch a little adventure time when it hit me.  my stomach started to feel weird, but i thought maybe i was just really full.  then it started cramping.  then i realized that my chances of keeping down my carefully prepared, lovely and yummy meal were slim to none.  i spent the rest of the night in the bathroom, throwing up any and everything that had crossed my lips for the past 48 hours.  i don't know what caused it, but no one else got it, so hooray!  i spent the night on the couch, awake every thirty minutes, heading to the bathroom, drinking pepto and then heading back to the couch to writhe around in agony.  so romantic, right?  boo.  i'm feeling a bit better now; i spent the day asleep on the couch, ate a little bread and didn't hurl it up (although my stomach did react at first with something akin to indignation), and D is going to bring home some juice for me.  the cat seemed pleased to have a napping friend all day, even if she does hog one whole end of the couch.  i'll go back to work tomorrow, once this bug works it way through my south of the border.  oh yeah, it's that awesome.  ugh.  it was a nice valentine's day, aside from the vomit, but we all know that the vomit will be well-remembered.        

pop quiz

i'm posting this on both blogs!

i'm starting to set up my reception ipod playlist.  do you have some ideas for romantic or otherwise fun songs?  if so, you should post a comment or send me an email.  don't feel like you have to limit yourself to just one song, if you've got a lot, send them all!

some songs i know i want to play, with links to the youtube videos,

• cee-lo's old fashioned
• camper van beethoven's life is grand
• the avett brother's january wedding (even if we are getting married in may!)
• travis, sing (also flowers in the window because, um, it's so cute!)
• stevie wonder, isn't she lovely (really, though, there will probably be a lot of stevie on the playlist.  i can't hear him without smiling!)

no awards for me tonight!

the kids are duking it out over whose turn it is to do dishes.  i told them they had to work out amongst themselves, i am not the dishes police.  honestly, i don't know whose night it is, but it's someone's!  if they don't get them done by the time dad comes home, he can deal with them.  amen.

although i did make both a nutritious and delicious dinner tonight.  baked pasta goodness, or as i like to refer to it "cheater lasagna."  boil noodles (i like the high fiber penne).  take one jar of sauce and add it to a mess of veggies you have lightly sauteed (tonight it was mushrooms, yellow squash, and one block frozen spinach).  add a can of tomato sauce (or another jar of sauce, depending on what you have!).  season the hell out of it.  spray a big square baking dish with cooking spray so stuff doesn't stick too bad.  put a thin layer of sauce down, then a layer of noodles.  add dollops of ricotta cheese.  fancy chefs call them "quenelle" but i call them "dollops."  this part is kind of fun; you run into these soft pillows of ricotta throughout the casserole, and they make a nice contrast with the sauce and noodles.  layer some more sauce, some more noodles, some more dollops of ricotta, and cover with another bit of sauce.  top with shredded mozzarella, or provolone, and bake in a 350 degree oven until it's warm all the way through.  ta dah!  the awesome thing about cheater lasagna is that you can use whatever pasta and veggies you have on hand, you can add meatballs or sausage if you have those, you don't have to worry about breaking long noodles, and it's crazy easy.  honestly, you can mush it all together and bake it and it's still delicious.  you don't even need the ricotta; i've added little cubes of mozzarella here and there and the kids loved that too.

overall, boring stuff going on over here.  working on wedding stuff, working at work, working out more often than usual.  i've done a small purge of stuff (books and clothes mainly) and that feels good.  i bought ridiculous wedding underwear (hoop skirt holla!) and have read way too many horror short stories for my own good.  any ladies out there have recommendations for strapless bras that actually make a woman's boobs look awesome?  i'm finding them all to have not enough support or to smoosh the girls beyond recognition.  i don't want to spend a million dollars but then again, i'm hoping this wedding will be all about my boobs, so i'll spend money to make them look awesome.  ha!  i joke.  we all know the wedding is about booty.  (no really, it is all about my boobs.)    

the suburbs

new arcade fire! i got the album last week, found this video on the internets. honestly? i like everything the arcade fire does, so i'm biased and anything i say to try to encourage you to listen can't really be trusted. it's good, though, so you should check it out.

oh boy, i think i'm getting old

i found some four loko at the local 7-11 tonight.  i thought it was banned in WA, but who knows.  maybe my 7-11 is just...behind? or ahead of the curve, depending on how you see it.  i bought one because i was curious, and it tastes a lot like i thought it would; like sharp fruit punch with a petroleum aftertaste.  not terrible, not great, and if it had been available in college, i would have gotten knocked up for sure.  it's potent.

can't get four loko where you live or just like to do things on your own?  then enjoy the video i found on the youtubes, and go make some homebrew malt liquor energy drunk. 

mom's island cottage

i have to admit, sometimes sneaking off to the island to hang out with my mom is just what the doctor ordered.  although my mother has the hardest time doing nothing; she really was very sick, and i caught her ironing clothes and taking a shower this morning.  um, hello?  even when i'm in the best of health, no ironing goes on at my house.  hence my nickname, "unmade bed."  my other nickname, "mattress ass" refers to my ability to nap for hours.  notice both nicknames have beds in them, which should tell you a lot about my basic nature.  ahem. 

Past...

came to my mom's this afternoon. she's got a cold, or maybe a mild case of the plague, so we spent the day watching cooking shows, knitting, and napping. mom's in bed, and now I'm watching tv & creeping into her liquor cabinet. I feel 15! in a good way. there's no ice, though. just like old times!

ha ha ha

look what i learned today!

8==D

it's an emoti-dick!

i had a terrifically shitty day at work.  in fact, this week has been kind of lame, and when i got home tonight i was having one of those "i'm going to run away and join the circus and never wax my 'stache again!" moments.  then the kids were funny, and being nice to each other, and the boychik taught me how to make an emoti-dick and the girlchild and i ate some broccoli and rice casserole and...well, i don't want to run away anymore.  i had a rum and coke and am knitting and thinking about how odd it is that kids sometimes are the worst thing ever and sometimes the best.  they made me laugh when i was in a lousy mood, and you know what?  that's like a super nice thing to do.  that is, quite possibly, the nicest thing anyone can do for you when you feel like ass and work is bringing you down and you feel overwhelmed by life in general.  i'm glad that in some way, they both already know that.     

i think it's time for a pot of tea

last night was the weirdest in terms of sleep and dreams.  for one thing, i fell asleep on the couch watching cartoons, then woke up at 1 a.m.  normally this is not a big deal: i move myself to bed where i fall back asleep and everything is hunky dory.  last night i found that going back to sleep wasn't an option (for whatever reason) and i ended up staying up until 5 a.m., and then fell asleep just in time for the boychik to wake me up getting ready for school.  after he left i drifted off again, for the hour before the girlchild gets up to get ready for school.  fun times.  then i had a crazy dream about getting my lip re-pierced, in which i not only got my lip pierced, but also got two piercing in each cheek.  for some reason we didn't have the hardware for my cheek piercings (!) so we were holding them open with fishing line.  then i asked a guy who was evidently my brother to borrow his lip ring so i could get the fishing line out of my face, and he gave me this gorgeous inlaid wood and silver ring.  however, his hands were disgusting (so dirty) and i spent a long time trying to find alcohol to sterilize everything before i put it in my face.  did i mention this brother of mine was a hulking beast of a man, all gingery and bearded and nordic looking?  very unlike anything my parents actually produced?

i admit, i always enjoy having dreams about brothers, because that was my one secret wish from childhood: an older brother.

now everyone is out of the house (work and school took them away) and i think it's time for a nice pot of tea, some knitting and slowing working up toward going to the gym.  i was kind of naughty this weekend and ate both pizza and donuts, neither of which is going to help me fit into a smaller pair of pants, but i have been working out pretty steadily so i don't feel too bad.  i probably should, but there's no use crying over eaten donuts, is there?  nope.  i'm not catholic anymore, i don't need that kind of guilt.

a few notes before bed...

i should be asleep already; i'm definitely tired enough for it.  i have a few resolutions to add to my list, though.  last year was a good year; half of what i wrote down i took care of, so why not add just a few more and see how that goes?

• i'm not going to buy any new makeup this year.  i have a LOT of makeup that i don't even wear now, so i'm going to try to use what i have and not spend any more money on eye shadows and lipsticks that will just sit around looking pretty.  i will make one exception though: mascara.  i have a lot of little sample size ones my sister hooked me up with, and when i go through all of those i'll buy more.  i do love mascara, and that's one thing i do actually wear a lot of.  
• in the same vein, i'm not going to buy any clothes.  i know, crazy, right?  here's the thing: i tend to buy stuff i don't wear, and i tend to wear the same four outfits.  unless it's new underpants or socks, or clothes i need for work (scrubs), NO MORE.  i have two pairs of paints, way too many tshirts, and let's face it, my days of going out are no more.  unless something specifically wears out (like my pants), or i shrink, i'm going to put an embargo on new clothes.  if i do need something new, i'm going to try to stick with thrifted stuff.  oh, and i reserve the right to buy a different wedding dress and shoes to go with it.  duh. 

i guess technically speaking, these are both kind of offshoots of my plan to simplify things.  however, these are concrete ways, and very specific, so i thought they deserved some attention.

also, i have already gotten a haircut this year (meaning if i get two more i can cross that resolution off my list!) and have actually been working out on a regular basis.  CRAZY.  i know it's january, and i should wait to see how things go, but honestly?  i'm feeling pretty good about the resolutions i made, and my effort to keep them.  in short, i feel pretty good.  except for one of my feet, which i bonked on an elliptical and bruised.  that foot, it hurts.   

you know what's awesome?

getting to sneak in a workout with the older folks at the gym.  i'm going to hell for saying this, but i'm never working out with young people again!  running around on treadmills and ellipticals is WAY more fun when everyone else in the room is at least 30 to 40 years older than you.  i've never felt so YOUNG or ALIVE!  technically, the gym at work tonight was being used for a circuit training class for people aged 60 and over, but the gym guy, mark, let me use the machines too because the class wasn't full and they had room.  score for me!  45 minutes later i was a hot sweaty mess, but oh so pleased with myself.
    
you know what else is awesome? coming home from said workout to find my boyfriend making tiny little burgers.  i believe they are called "sliders" but i like to call them "tiny little burgers."  i'm going to take a shower and then eat some, covered in goat cheese and pickles.  hooray!

oh, those kids!

the meeting with the principal and the school counselor went well.  well, as good as can be expected.  in short, there was some stuff we didn't really know about the situation (because being a 12 year old girl is beyond complicated), some things both she and counselor clarified, and we were assured that everyone involved was meeting with the principal that day. that was the good news.  the other good news is that it really does feel like the teachers and staff were up to date on what was going on, and got this nipped in the bud.  i think we'll continue to have some issues with one of the girls, because we've been having issues with her for at least a year now.  i've been waiting to see what the fall-out will be; after a meeting like this i figured things would kind of slowly go back to normal, or HOT DAMN the girls would just get more evil and sneaky about the bullying.  it's been a little over a week now, and i think having to meet with the principal, talking to their parents about sex (which is just mortifying at that age, isn't it?), and being told in no uncertain terms that this is not okay has actually been good for all of them.  at least, that's how it seems.

what's funny about all of this is what happened literally the day after we all met with the principal.  they were having skate night at the local roller rink, and the girlchild got a call.  i could hear a little girl asking her if she could get a ride home with us afterward and i asked, "who's that?"  she told me, and it was none other than one of the girls involved in the bullying.  i was incredulous.  i said, "the same _____ that got you sent to the principal's office?" i can only imagine what my face looked like as i said it, because the girlchild's eyes got GIGANTIC.  she nodded and i said, "oh hell, no."  after she got off the phone she told me that the other little girls had apologized and the one that called said she felt bad, and i said that was great, but there was no way i was driving her anywhere.  i know that makes me a bad role model, and that it might not have been a good example of forgiveness, but all i could think was "is she serious?!"  oh, silly kid.  she messed with my girl, there's no way i'm taking that her anywhere any time soon.

basketball season starts in a few weeks, and i'm sure i'll get to deal with more little girl drama then.  whoo!  if you see me crying in the school parking lot over my knitting while banging my head into the steering wheel, maybe you can bring me a light beer?  remember, i'm on a diet.  thanks.    

MLK day!

i always have monday off, so today isn't too different for me.  however, the kids also have today off, so that's something new. 

we had a fun weekend.  we started it off on friday night, hitting the seattle art museum, in hopes of seeing the end of the picasso exhibit.  unfortunately for the kids, i did not buy tickets online like i should have, and that part of the museum was sold out.  the rest of the museum was open, though, so we walked through the permanent collection, which i think the kids enjoyed.  the boychik brought his girlfriend, and they went one way while the girlchild and i went the other.  none of the kids had ever been to the SAM, or really any art museum, so it was kind of an impromptu field trip and educational experience.  the girlchild liked looking at the modern art with me, she was a fan of the paintings and the sculpture.  at one point while we were sitting and looking at some painting she told me she "didn't get" some of it, to which i tried to explain that she didn't have to.  it didn't have to mean anything, it didn't have to be a cerebral exercise, it could just be pretty paintings, or fun, weird things to look at.  she seemed to relax and enjoy herself more after that.  the boychik and his girlfriend found some stuff they really liked, and had a good time people watching as well.  we had dinner at uwajimaya,  got trapped in a parking garage for almost an hour, and they got to laugh at my terrible shifting skills on some of seattle's steepest hills, and by the time we headed home all the kids were happy and tired.  most of them fell asleep on the way home.  it was fun to introduce them to something new, and it had been so long since i'd been to a museum myself.  i'd almost forgotten how happy seeing some art makes me.  there is something so refreshing about a trip to a museum; you come home with all sorts of ideas and plans.   

we've spent the rest of the weekend goofing off, not doing much of anything.  i'm working on the never-ending afghan, and thinking about hitting the open gym this afternoon at the hospital.  nothing too exciting!  i should be cleaning the house or something, but we'll see how that goes.  i'm kind of in a zone with that afghan and just want to knit until my hands complain.   

medicine ball time, yo

hey dudes, remember that resolution i made about being fitter and stuff?  thus far i'm actually kind of sticking to that resolution.  yes, i know we're only 12 days into the year, but they've been a productive 12 days.

i have been posting about that sort of stuff over here, on the chunkersons blog, because 1) it's a public blog, 2) i really enjoy sarah's other blog and 3) there really is something about saying it out loud that is helping me out.  because it's a public blog, you can also go over there and contribute if you so desire.  in fact, i think you should.

also, tonight i did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 5 on the elliptical (going backwards!) and 30 doing a circuit training course at the tiny gym at the hospital.  i am sore and hungry and feeling kind of badass.  whenever i want to not work out i'm going to remind myself that "zombies lead a very active lifestyle, so should you."   in fact, i believe that should be on a workout shirt. 

called into the principal's office

DAMMIT.  i kind of thought after the girlchild met with the school counselor, things would quiet down.  while i didn't think the girls giving her shit would magically stop, i did think they'd tone it down for their own sakes.  evidently, they haven't, and D and I came home to a message from the school asking us to call them back ASAP.  we're not sure what the meeting is about exactly; it could just be the principal just wants to let us know he knows what's going on and is taking care of it, it could be he wants more information, it could be something else.  i wonder if he doesn't want to see our pretty faces because the bullying going on is potentially lawsuit material.  can you say "sexual harassment?"  because now the girlchild can.

i'm not going to try and say this sort of shit didn't happen when i was 12, oh so long ago, but i will say i think the internet makes kids mean in a different way.  this summer we dealt with some of that, with the same group of girls, sending mean messages through facebook and ourworld and stuff.  we had good talks about how easy it is to feel like you can say whatever you want when you don't have to say it to someone's face, but how those things are still hurtful and not okay.  now she doesn't have the same kind of access to the internet as then, but with school back in session she's getting a crash course in gossip.  how it starts, how it spreads, what the effects are.  essentially a group of girls led by one particular girl (there's always a ringleader!) has been telling everyone that the girlchild is bisexual, and that she tried to get another little girl to be her girlfriend and kiss her.  being called bi doesn't bother her; she lives in a house where we're open about different kinds of sexualities and even genders (one of the boychik's friends is trans), she understands that we don't believe there's anything wrong or weird about being queer, and she doesn't believe that being called "bi" is a real insult.  at the same time, it does bother her that if she says she isn't, no one listens, or they take it to mean that she really is and just denying it.  in short, there isn't anything she can say or do that's going to make this better, and that's frustrating at best.  if she stands up for kids who are bi or gay or questioning, she's automatically lumped in with them, if she denies it vehemently, she's implying there's something wrong with those kids and acting like the jerks.

she knows we love her, and we'd love her even if it does turn out she's bi, but that we also think she might be a bit young to have given it much thought.  it's early for this to be an issue, we want her to be a kid a while longer and understand that sexuality is a part of who she is as a person, but not the definition of her.  she has time to learn about herself, she has time to grow up.  this shouldn't be an issue a 12 year old deals with, and we think that if she were older, or a boy, or not as okay with herself, the school would have jumped on this quite a bit earlier.

sigh.  i mentioned all this to a co-worker the other day, and she said, "do you really want to marry a man with teenagers?!  maybe you should have a long engagement."  too late!  we may as well already be married, dammit.  i'm too far in!  plus, now i'm all riled up.  no one messed with the kid, no one.  the end.        

i feel pretty

as i mentioned before, the girlchild and i had a day of beauty yesterday.  i told her that morning i'd take her over to old navy to use her xmas gift card, then surprised her with a visit to the local beauty college.   she seemed pleased when i told her what we were doing in mt. vernon!  i set us up for haircuts and manicures, and told her at the start that she didn't have to do anything extreme or weird; if she just wanted a trim that was fine with me.  it had just been so long since we got haircuts, and we were both a bit shaggy.  the ladies we got as hairdressers were awesome; both were young and cute and friendly, and i ended up getting about an inch and a half taken off, and some new layers, and the girl got the cutest inverted bob.  it "drops off" at the front; so she has that great shaping in the back, and then it makes kind of a dramatic swoop near the front.  super, super cute.  i forget it takes a while to get a haircut at a school (because they're training, they fill out forms, the teacher comes over during all the parts of the cut and talks to them about what they're going to do and makes sure you're doing okay), and we ended up being there for quite a while.  not in a bad way, but by the time our nails were dry, we were hungry!  i took her over to the local sushi place and we sat at the bar and ate conveyor belt sushi until we almost exploded.  by the time we got home, she was happy, tired, had cute new hair and a few new outfits.

it was kind of a rough week for her, and i think getting out and doing "girly" stuff was good for her.  when things at school go wrong or are stressful, it's easy as that age (at any age, really) to just focus on that, and i like to remind her that this will pass, and that 6th grade isn't going to be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  it's also important for me to let her know that even if school is shitty, and she's dealing with bullshit girl politics, that home is a good place, and that she can be herself here and be loved.  it wasn't just about haircuts and nail polish, we spent a good time together talking and hanging out, and that's what i was really aiming for.  although we do look super cute now, which is kind of a bonus.  i want her to have weekends like this that she can remember, that remind her that just because a girl tries to make your life miserable at school that she has a life outside of there that is awesome and fun, and in the end, more important.      

beauty school dropout

the girlchild has been having one hell of a week.  i forget sometimes that pre-teen girls are assholes, and that the catty bitchiness begins at about the sixth grade.  it's hard to watch her go through it, since i did it once and that was enough, but we're all managing okay.  in an effort to make her feel a better, i made up appointments tomorrow for haircuts and manicures.  at the local beauty school. though, because i don't just want it to be a fun day out, i want it to be an adventure.  will we walk out with all ten fingers? will they make me look like a boy?  we'll see!

p.s.  i'm keeping it a secret until tomorrow afternoon.  i want her to be surprised!   

so dreamy

i bought myself the newest cee lo album for xmas (with a gift card from my awesome co-worker).  #1: it's fucking awesome.  there is literally not a song on it that doesn't make me happy.  #2: look at that pink suit.  LOOK AT IT.  do you know of another man who can rock a suit like that?  i didn't think so.  #3: i kind of really want to play this song at my wedding.  i made D listen to it tonight, but i think with me standing there going "OH MY GOD don't you just love it?!" didn't help my case out any.  i might have come on too strong.  ahem.  i'm not giving up, though.  this song is awesome. 

to see more of mr. green and his amazing videos, check out his work on the youtubes. 

this is why i love my mom

i sent my mom an email yesterday asking if she wanted to come up and look at wedding dresses, and she agreed and then sent this back,

Aunt Pam tells me the latest news on the rapture is it is scheduled for may 21. We will either have A WEDDING, GO MEET Jesus or duke it out with the antichrist that day. Love you, Mom

i pointed out that if the rapture does happen, that all of D's people will be swept up to heaven, leaving us with all the BBQ pork we can eat.  could be worse.  

 

play like it's 1989!

or something.  i got a DSi for xmas (this one here), and it came with mario cart and i also got some bejeweled.  needless to say, i'm loving it.  my brainage is actually not too shabby (38!), and i'm figuring out how to drive my mario cart slowly but surely.  the kids think watching me play is amusing, because i have a hard time not wiggling around in my seat like i'm actually steering and i say "oops!" "oh no!" and "sorry dude!" way too often.  i am not a cool, composed gamer.  i'm forever making noise and slumping down in my seat. 

the last time i had a video gaming system was sometime in the late 80's.  my sister and i begged for a nintendo console, and got the one that came with super mario bros. and duck hunt.  those were the only two games we ever owned, and we were not very good at playing either of them.  thinking back on it, it was a super fun game for a week and then we both got bored of it and went back to playing with legos and she-ra.  sorry mom and dad! 

i'm looking to get some more mario games (i'm terribly fond of that little dude) and maybe some more puzzle/brain games.  anyone have any suggestions?  what do you like to play? 

hallelujah!

the kids go back to school tomorrow!  i go back to work the day after that!  i will finally be out of the house for longer than the occasional trip to the grocery store! 

yeah, i know i could have gone outside or found some free activities for the kids and i to engage in, but for one thing it's ridiculously cold out, and for another, going anywhere would have required gas for the car, and we really are kind of super broke right now.  plus, we had a ton of stuff we could (and did) do here.  it's just that no matter how big your house is, it is never, ever big enough for kids home on winter break.  note to self: use up all your float time this year on honeymooning or something.  don't wait until december! 

what did i do with my break? knit.  watched too much tv.  worked on some crafty projects.  cleaned random things, like the front of the fridge.  read a few books.  overall, i'd say i feel pretty refreshed and ready to get the hell out of the house.  i'm also ready for the kids to go back to school and for them to stop hanging around complaining about boredom.  there was literally NO SUGGESTION i made this week that either of them took, and it wasn't too long ago that i started saying "boo fucking hoo" when one of them lamented the lack of stuff to do.  tomorrow i plan on doing all that stuff i didn't do while they were home, washing some scrubs, and cutting up some veggies to pack in my lunches.  we had our last fat farm vacation meal today (pizza!), tomorrow we go back on the wagon.  i'm ready!   

i almost forgot

i have a little over five months to plan a wedding.  may 21 seemed really far away last halloween, but right this second, it feels decidedly closer.

i've updated the plans and wedding site over here; i know talking about weddings is boring for a lot of folks, reading about them even more so.  if you're curious about the possible train wreck of a party i'm planning though, feel free to check it out!

last years resolution round-up

last year i not only wrote down some resolutions, but i put them up here for everyone to see! ha, ha, i suck.  let's look over them and see if i got anything on that list done...

1. learn how to knit intarsia, or fair isle, or any other sort of picture/multiple color knitting. i like cables, i like lacey things, but i'm ready to learn something new. (i still detest using charts, however. i don't know if that will change this year.)  um, nope.  never did this.  although i did hunt my interasia dvd out and put it next to the tv.  i give myself 1/2 a point for that. 
2. learn how to make a homemade, epic, sourdough bread. seriously sour, too, not like some of the wimpy stuff you get in stores.  again, no.  i did find a place that sells sourdough as sour as i like it, but unfortunately, that place is haggen and we all know i won't go in there.  every now and then i talk D into popping in and buying me a loaf.   
3. go back to blogging more often. i've been trying to do something small every day, but i think making it an actual, "i said it out loud" sort of thing will help.  this one i actually did, if you look at my stats.  more entries this year than last
4. get new glasses. and the pre-requisite eye exam to accompany them.  i totally did this!  i rock!  i also got contacts this year too, for the first time in something like five years.  they itch, which reminds me, i don't really like wearing them. 
5. the cyst/tumor/mean pea in my hand has got to go. honestly. i'll have someone help me take a photo; the thing's gotten fucking huge and now part of my hand down to my wrist likes to go numb or burn. not cool.  this one i not only didn't do, but probably won't do for a long time.  i did get off my ass and saw a doctor about the thing, but when i heard what my options were (surgery followed by crazy physical therapy, a wicked scar, and then more surgery a few years later), i realized that while my hand hurts sometimes, surgery isn't going to help.  not any time soon, anyway.  

not too terribly shabby, although when you only make five resolutions, keeping two and half of them isn't too terribly hard.  here's a list of things i did do this year that i'm totally proud of but weren't resolutions:

happy new year!

i made tiny pigs in blankets, a couple of dips, and we watched the ball drop in NY.  seeing dick clark made me tear up, though.  i'm glad he's still around and kicking, and doing what he loves, but it still comes as a shock to me that he's aging.  for most of my life he's looked exactly the same! 

also, if i haven't mentioned it before, i hate jenny mcCarthy!  they should have dropped the ball on that ridiculous, plastic injected dimwit. 

and on that happy note, happy new year! 

gearing up for the new year!

tonight i took D out for a grown-up dinner that involved none of the foods eaten over the holiday.  nothing with bacon, potato, chicken, cold cuts, turkey, or lasagna.  where did we go? we went out for sushi, of course.  awesome, awesome sushi.  there's a place in town that has one of those conveyor belts and jesus h. christ, i love those things.  watching little half-rolls of sushi goodness glide by, swooping in for the most delectable looking ones, watching the tiny plates stack up...it's pretty much my favorite thing ever.  the thing about sitting in front of the space-age conveyor is that you think you'll never get full of sushi.  it all slides by and it all looks great, and you think "oh those plates are so tiny...we can eat one more..." and then you get up to go pee and HOLY SHIT you are full of sushi.  it's like magic!  yummy magic.

tomorrow is new year's eve and you know that can mean only one thing: twilight zone marathon on syfy.  i'll pop out of the house at some point to buy some bubbly wine and crescent rolls for the pigs in a blanket (because champagne and hot dogs together are divine, duh), but i plan to spend the rest of the day on the couch, watching rod serling, and knitting.  does anything sound better than that?  um, no.  D will work part of the day, but he'll be home in time to kiss me at midnight and make a goofy hat to celebrate.  plus, as much as he loves me, no one loves that much twilight zone except for me.  he'll probably also get home in time to save me from the kids, who will want to beat me to death by then.  unless i can somehow convince them the twilight zone is awesome, and i don't see that happening.  kids these days don't dig anything in black and white, let me tell you.  too bad i pay for the cable!      

things we got for xmas

• three cookbooks, one all about making your own cheese.
• an ice cream maker.
• a deep fryer.

who wants to roll me down the aisle?  

hey look!

i made a calendar for next year!  it took way too long to make (something like five hours) but i think that's partly because i was just winging it.  if i make another it shouldn't take as long.  D got me the lovely Italian paper the squirrel is cut out of, and this morning i was looking at wall calendars on etsy, and thought, "oh, i should try to make one."  in supplies it cost less (i had everything but the rubber cement), but in time it cost more, that's for sure.  i didn't make too giant a mess either, which makes me happy.  in the end, i think it turned out cute. 

hello, darlings

look at this awesome purse my sainted mother gave me for xmas.  it's giant, it's sturdy, it's covered in sugar skulls and it's got a rad flat bottom so it stands upright (making it perfect for knitting).  it's funny how i rate purses now not just based on awesome looks, but whether or not it can carry my yarn and needles, and how easy it is for me to knit right out of the bag. 

there's an oddities mini-marathon on over at discovery, so i've been working on my missoni blanket and watching.  i think it would be totally worth the price of plane tickets to take the kids to NY to see the place in person.  we could go to some museums too, so it would be all kinds of educational... 

i have a house full of quiet

sigh...D and the kids went to a co-worker's going-away, farewell, bon voyage party, and i opted to stay home.  technically, it's a party for two of his co-workers, one of whom i like, the other one...not so much.  plus, and this sounds Catty, capital C, but he never accompanies me to any work functions, and yet i've met every one of his co-workers, and sometimes that seems a little unfair to me. 

it's nice to have a quiet house for a few hours as well.  i took a whole week off work, and now i kind of wonder if that was the best idea i've ever had.  i need to pick a project (or three) to work on, so i don't go stir-crazy.  my pants feel kind of tight, so taking some walks sound like a good idea (dear xmas, screw all your delicious fatty food!), and maybe i'll finally (FINALLY) clean out and organize my sewing/craft/computer room.  i have some stuff that should go in the mail, some that should go to the thrift store, endless expanses of things that need to be dusted or vacuumed or washed, so finding things to occupy me shouldn't be too difficult.

to be perfectly honest, i had a terrible dream last night and woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  everything is rubbing me the wrong way.  i also miss my dad, and i miss my uncle.  holidays are weird now without them and while i love my mom and aunt, i love D and the kids, i love D's folks and siblings and nieces and nephews, there's just something missing.  plowing through this holiday i just pretended everything was fine and i was okay, but now that i have three minutes alone, i feel...bad.  i think all the weird and stressful dreams are just my brains way of letting off some steam, but waking up every morning with a clenched jaw and roiling stomach has gotten old.  i think while i have some time alone, maybe i'll take a nice long bath, listen to some music, have a good old fashioned cry.  i think i just need to get it out of my system.  i'm sorry, i think now i'm rambling.  i'm not a great big emotional mess, i promise.  i think it just occurred to me that maybe putting my head down and powering through was good for a while but maybe isn't a healthy long-term solution. 

oh my gosh, the holidays happened and stuff

sorry for the quiet, all three of my readers.  we had an awesome fun holiday, with a lot of toys given and gotten, too much food made and consumed, and a lot of visitors and visiting.  whew.  being single made this kind of shit a lot easier, but i didn't get to buy satanic xmas gifts and something called jeggings for my semi-step-children then, either.  and honestly?  that was pretty fun.  holidays and kids really are a nice combination.  i could do without all the fucking wrapping paper, but other than that, i'm happy.  i hope you also had a happy/merry/radical xmas and are gearing up for an equally amazing new year.  

two years ago today...

i was working at haggen, in the deli, and about two hours away from getting off work and going out on my first date with D.  i was a little bit of a nervous wreck; i had to change in the bathroom before i went over to his house, and i was worried i would smell like fried chicken and grease.  i remember i wore my black and silver striped t, my all black work chucks, and this goofy necklace i made out of stuff from michael's crafts.  did i mention i was nervous?  i made some poor girl i worked with hang out with me in the bathroom while i got ready because i was so spastic.

i remember pulling up to his house, and seeing him at the kitchen table with his roommate and i was literally so nervous that i actually thought about driving away.  really.  i had a moment when i thought "i could just drive home right now and he would never know i came by and didn't come inside."  i sucked it up though, after all, i had put on some eyeliner.  i pretended my palms weren't sweaty and knocked on the door.  he hugged me after he opened it, and i thought that was nice.  i brought over a bottle of wine, not knowing that he didn't drink wine, and we ate pork verde and chips with his roommate and his girlfriend.  we got kind of drunk, and after hours of sitting at the table talking and talking, i put some music on his cd player and he swooped in and kissed me.

i distinctly recall thinking "oooh..."  he was (is) a good kisser.  we made out in the kitchen, which seems fitting now, because that is our favorite room in the house.  when we talk about our "dream home" we always start with the kitchen.

we're going out to dinner, and then maybe we'll get to make out some more!  i have to say, it's been a good two years.

really, i don't have a problem

it's just that these are SO fun and easy to make, turn out super cute, and when you hang them on your tree you can almost see the little gnomes creep out of the woodwork.  i love them. 

ha ha...gross

i knit so much this weekend that at one point my mean pea started to throb.  it was actually under there, pulsing away, grossing everyone out. 

i am a hardcore eXtreme knitter, though, so i just took two more advils and got back to work.  there are a million more tiny mushroom that need to be made, and my afghan looks more and more awesome with every passing stitch. 

jingle bells

this is the last weekend before the Big Holiday, and i plan on spending all of it at home, baking some cookies and doing some knitting.  there are a few things i would like to pick up, but i had a kerfuffle with my bank account, and so those last minute presents will be VERY last minute; like xmas eve.  ugh.  i hate putting it off so long, but the legal firm i'm using for my bankruptcy made an accounting mistake and took too much out of my account this month.  the good news is that since they've got it, they'll use it for some other fees that i won't have to worry about later.  D got fussy about it, and i would have too, but the fact remains that i'm using kind of a cheap law firm.  that's what i could afford, and you know, you get what you pay for.  i'm sure they'll handle all the filing and typing and all that jazz just fine, a little accounting mistake hasn't shaken my faith to the core or anything like that.  it throws a kink into my holiday planning, but nothing serious.  i had most everything bought anyhow!

the kids are now on xmas break; one of them is out riding his bike, one is reveling in watching tv (since she's been banned from it for weeks now).  i'm going to warm up my cup of coffee, work on more tiny knit mushrooms, an afghan, and maybe a batch of eggnog bread.  i might not leave the house or even change out of my pjs today.  so don't come over!

making a list!

it's feeling like a holiday kind of day.  the girlchild is dressing the tree (she loves it, and i let her do most of it; partly because i'm lazy, partly because it's just a lot of fun to drink coffee on the couch and tell her how awesome it looks), i'm packing stuff up, working on cleaning my sewing/knitting/computer room, and doing some last-minute gift knitting.  i told the girlchild i'm working on some mittens for my sister, but joke's on her!  the mitts are actually for her, i just don't have time to try to hide the knitting from her.  my mom used to do the same thing to me; every year i'd see her working on something for someone else, and it would end up in a box for me.  i was a dupe as a kid (soooo gullible) i never once caught on.  it happened almost every year, and i know mom thought i was in on her little joke, but i must have been in my 20's by the time i figured it out. 

all that talk of my genius is sometimes overstated, is the point of that anecdote! 

i have been trying to downsize my crafty supplies.  some are from projects i used to work on years ago, and might not get back into.  a lot are taking up valuable space.  i don't know what's come over me the past year, but i'm way more open to getting rid of stuff.  my packrat days are fading.  yeah, i might use that ball of yarn i've been carting from one apartment to another for YEARS to make a hat, but honestly?  if i haven't used it by now, i probably won't.  that's okay.  someone else might get more use out of it, or at the very least it can become part of their stash.  i've got a cup of coffee, my new favorite podcast on, and boxes filling with stuff that's got to get out of my house.  wish me luck! 

holiday crafting!

one of my favorite things to do is watch hoarders while making a mess in my own house crafting.  watching people cram their houses with useless stuff encourages me to clean up after myself. plus, my house looks fucking amazing in comparison. 

my awesome friends the o'neals bought me this equally awesome card making kit from stencil 1! at first i had kind of a hard time using it (i am impatient! i didn't read the instructions very well, and applied way too much paint!), now that i know what i'm doing, i can't stop stenciling everything in sight.   i also want to buy a lot more stencils and put them up all over town.  the stag stencil is a great holiday/xmas card motif; nice and bold without being too sappy.  if you get one for xmas, please act surprised.  i'm sorry i burst the bubble, they are just too rad to keep to myself.

how do atheists spent xmas?

pretty much like everyone else.  i do, anyway.  truth be told, i LOVE christmas music.  my favorite thing to do this time of year is to find one of those "all xmas music, all the time" radio channels and sing along until my lungs bleed.  i know it's weird, but i spent a lot of time believing in god and liking the christmas story, and even though i don't have faith now, doesn't mean i don't appreciate all the awesome holiday accouterments. 

i read this lovely comic by box brown today, and there were parts of it that reminded me of my life.  i also loved anne rice books, read some stuff by sylvia browne in college, and did keg stands.  go check it out!

our christmas tree might go up today!  i'll also be making some holiday cards (hopefully) and turning some of the five million mushrooms i knit this weekend into ornaments.  i have this suspicion i should eschew all this for festivus or something, but what can i say? i'm sucker for a jolly man wearing red who likes to eat cookies. 

we're still knitting a lot of mushrooms

by "we" i mean the boychik is in on it now, as is one of his little friends.  so far the count is 7 'shrooms total, including one stuffed with catnip for lulu.

oy

i really wanted to talk about my awesome book tonight, but it was a strange night and all i ended up doing was drinking a few beers and knitting some mushrooms. 

i don't talk about work a whole ton because a) it's not always real cheerful and b) HIPAA, dudes.  today was a reasonable day at work, followed by a shitty email from a teacher (guess who skipped an IN-CLASS homework assignment?! is she trying to give me an aneurysm?), after which i came home, found some awesome mail, and then went stocking stuffer shopping.  a little retail therapy helps at times.  after that, literally moments after walking in the door, i got a call from my co-worker who said there was an ER case that came in that looked bad.  the hospital called nicely (since we don't work on call; it's one of the weird things about being a contractor) and asked us to come back in (which is super rare), so the patient could get their MRI before being moved to a different,  bigger hospital.  going back into work wasn't a big deal, i live all of five minutes away.  the case was shitty though.  the patient is super sick.  not a little "oh, we can work on this" sick but probably "good luck" sick.  the whole family was there, and it was more than a little heartbreaking.  it made annoying homework issues and home stuff seem downright prosaic and lovely.  after that, i just wanted to come home and hang out with my people and just be here, now.  it's corny, i know it, and i think saying it out loud makes is 500 x cheesier, but i have these moments at work when i realized i need to go home and appreciate everyone here for a few minutes, because right now just doesn't last as long as you want it to.  i wouldn't trade my shittiest days with this family, my family, for anything.  i hope the family i helped tonight are okay.  i hope that things get better for them.

in the meantime i'm going to knit some ridiculous mushrooms and stay up too late.   

fruiting body

i'm currently reading city of saints and madmen, which talks a lot about both squids and mushrooms.  needless to say, i am smitten.  i'll tell you more about how much i love this book tomorrow, i just wanted to show you my tiny mushroom before i went to bed.  i woke D up to show up, but oddly enough, he wasn't as pleased as i am.  jeez, you wake your boyfriend to show him how crafty you are, you would think he would be a little more enthusiastic.  or something.

sleepy sleepy

but not really.  i took a nap after work (give me a break! i'd had five days off, working a whole day was a shock to my system!) and now i'm awake!

listening to X songs on the youtube's.  man, i have a huge crush on john doe.  he's dreamy, he's got a lovely voice, and in this video you can see his bare chest.  squee!  um, i'm also going to say something that is going to get me into punk rock hot water; i like exene, but i don't like her voice with john's.  don't get me wrong, she's awesome, X is awesome, but i kind of wish she didn't sound so atonal.  ahem.

i know, you know, everyone knows that "cyber monday" is BULLSHIT.  black friday, all the holiday shopping trends, also bullshit.  but...i found a pattern for this gorgeous afghan and the yarn was on sale...and dammit.  i consoled myself by thinking about how i'll use the yarn to make a family heirloom.  or something for the cat to nap on.  either is okay with me!

L4 can go to hell!

maybe L5 too...

my back has definitely been feeling out of sorts lately.  that's not big news, it bothers me on and off from time to time.  as a kid i sprained it pretty badly and have the tiniest case of scoliosis known to doctors.  it's enough to get me checked out every time one of them feels me up, but not enough to really trouble me or do anything about (but exercise the damn thing).  i thought a nice long walk today would help work my current kinks out, like it usually does, but i hardly went half a mile before my back started in.  it's not just the pain my lower back, it's the sciatica that gets me.  my left thigh likes to go numb, and sometimes it feels like my hip socket might be lined with shards of glass.  awesome!  i did go a whole mile before i gave up, which felt ridiculous.  a mile?!  that was too short a walk.  i know better than to push it, though; i came home and had some ibuprofen and a warm shower, did some more stretches, and will try again tomorrow.  sometimes my back just needs an afternoon to act like a jackass and then it's fine. 

i will admit, though, i would like to move some of that turkey and gravy out of my system!  thanksgiving lasts a long time in this family, and i might be comprised right now of 25% gravy and pie. 

i love my family

but i'm kind of sick of seeing them.  this holiday extravaganza has lasted about three days too long.  yesterday was the girlchild's birthday, which was fun (she got two pairs of boots!  which made the kid super happy).  we had dinner out with my mom and niece, spent the day goofing off and making a tiny layer cake.  today we have thanksgiving over at D's folks house.  i really want to call out sick to it, not because i don't like them (i love them!) but because OMG how much turkey can a family eat? 

i also miss my pop.  i have a sneaky suspicion that holidays might make me slightly grumpy for a few years, especially if they are nice and drawn-out and give me more opportunities to think about him. 

the only thing keeping me perky and smiling out in public is a little pee-wee herman.  go watch the christmas special and feel the holiday spirit suffuse you with goodness.  or something.   it might help to have a cocktail as well.

i'm kinda busy

i admit, i was curious about the band in the hyundai commercial.  they're cute.  looking them up on the internets, i discovered this little cover they did of lady gaga's telephone.  it made me giggle.  you're welcome!

proof that i really am english

i've discovered that i love monty python.  like, a lot.  i could watch it all day long.  lucky for me, they've been playing it a lot on IFC.  there's nothing better than knitting a hat and watching monty python for hours.  trust me. 

happy thanksgiving!

kind of late, but still.  when i went to bed last night, we had quite the guest list.  woke up this morning to snow still falling and a few inches on the ground, and a short time later our list was considerably smaller.  i admit i was bummed out that my mom, sister and aunt weren't coming over, but we had an awesome day anyway.  D's parents came over, the kids were both in happy moods, we made way too much food, and then took naps in the living room after eating our way through it.  it was nice.  i was sad mom was stuck at home, but she was happy to be cozy with her dog and knitting, and not trying to navigate icy roads and ridiculous washington drivers.  she might still come up this weekend to eat leftovers with us! 

we just nibbled a bit on leftovers as we cleaned up, watched some ridiculous tv (ancient astronauts, anyone?!) and now the boys are in the living room watching something called "prank" and cracking up.  i hope you all had a great day.  i know once i stopped being disappointed about everyone getting snowed in, i ended up really enjoying the snow and getting ready with my little family.  it was a small, intimate thanksgiving dinner, which was different for us.  we still have one more thanksgiving celebrations to attend this weekend, and maybe an impromptu party or two this weekend, and enough food to eat leftovers for weeks.  i have a long weekend ahead of me (i don't go back to work until next tuesday!) so i plan on getting my lounge on and doing some serious knitting and cleaning.  or just knitting.  we'll see! 

options

i had two options for today: go to the dentist to have some old fillings pulled and re-filled (which feels the same as just getting a damn cavity filled), or go to the girlchild's parent-teacher conference.  normally i'd do anything to get out of going to the dentist, including crying, faking my death, barfing, etc,  but today that actually sounded like the better option.  so now i have a face full of numb, and D had to deal with the teachers all by his lonesome.

i love the girlchild.  i think she's funny and interesting and sweet, but her grades this year have been abhorrent.  the kind of stuff she brought home at the last progress report would have gotten me grounded for YEARS.  i know i've mentioned it before, but there are times when my parenting style differs from D's, and this proved to be one of those times.  he didn't want to make her feel bad, and i never wanted her to be able to leave the house again.  we've been working together to figure out what's going on, why her grades are this bad (it's not because she's dumb, i'll give her that), and what we can do, all together, to make them better.  it is exhausting work, and i have to say it's disheartening to work all day at my actual job and then spend hours arguing with an 11 year old who KNOWS EVERYTHING ALREADY (GOD!), and trying to help her get her work done.  it's been a trying few weeks, and i'm still figuring out a good way to help her, without doing the work for her (or getting conned into doing more than i should be).  teaching self-reliance and responsibility while trying to help is tougher than i thought it would be.

i know going to the dentist instead of going to the school probably isn't the best thing i could have done (if i had been on top of stuff i would have just moved my appointment), but i am sick of talking/thinking/working on this subject.  there have also been a few times that i've clearly stepped on D's toes, and i want to give him some space to work on this by himself as well.  i'm also a little tired of being the Hammer Of Consequences (i.e. the Wicked Stepmother), and if i put off this dental appointment, i'd never go.

things are slowly righting themselves, and i think our girl understands that we really aren't trying to be assholes, but it's hard work.  i hope the meeting went well today, and that D comes home with nothing but good news, and that my mouth co-operates while i try to drink a cup of tea.  we also got snow today, and i am freezing.

p.s.  if you live in the skagit valley and are looking for a dentist, i highly recommend dr. matterand.  i always call him dr. matterhorn in my head, but trust me, he's awesome.  i am nervous and sketchy and usually require medication to visit the dentist, but this guy makes everything easy and painless.  i have yet to feel a needle going into my gums.  good times.  his staff is also awesome, and the kids see dr. forsythe and love him too.

working!

this year thanksgiving is at our house.  i did this for a few reasons, one of which being that even though my mom lives only an hour or so away, i'm a bit sick of driving out to the island.  there's also something kind of exciting about being grown-up enough to host a holiday.  to get ready, today we did a whole lot of work around the house.  things were vacuumed, bleach spray was used liberally in the bathroom, the carport was cleaned out, and i bought a slipcover for the couch.  whew.  then i took a long ass nap.  i'm really not so domestic, it took a lot out of me.

i'm also working on a lap-afghan that no one loves but me.  see it up there!  it's loud and ridiculous and soft and cozy.  i maybe knit a bit too much this weekend, my mean pea is acting up and my left wrist is unhappy with me.  tomorrow i get to go to the dentist and maybe the girlchild's parent-teacher conference.  i say maybe because D might have to go without me, depending on how long the dentist takes.  honestly, i could do without both, but what are you going to do?  i need to have a filling replaced, and we need to get a handle on why getting homework done is such an issue for the girl.  good times!  we'll also get to do a little more shipping for thanksgiving day supplies, and i might bust out the new tablecloth.  ooh, la la. 

did i mention i have the weekend off?

because although i know i did, i don't think i told you why that was at all important and/or interesting.  the thing is, since earlier this summer i've been working with a co-worker's daughter two mornings a weekend.  not such a huge deal, as i have three day weekends i always had a day to myself.  however, it's been about six months, and i'm now trying to honestly get married, and i was spending upward of six hours a weekend being responsible and having a standard appointment set up.  it meant needing to make arrangements when i wanted to go somewhere overnight or have a weekend "off," and it cut my weekend days into weird little chunks.  i'm not complaining; what i was doing was awesome and i felt like i was helping out a family i truly like.  at the same time, i'd forgotten what three whole days full of fuck-all were like, and you know what?  three whole days to myself, to do what i want, when i want to do it, are pretty fucking awesome.  yesterday i spent the whole day with the girlchild, shopping and goofing and going to a fall festival at her school.  we bought expensive lip balms and ate out for dinner.  we rented penelope (which was charming) and stayed up late waiting for her father to come home.  this morning i slept in and am now having a cup of coffee with both half & half and sugar in it.  i'm not trying to convince you i'm a badass when i say i usually take my coffee black, it's just i grew up drinking it that way and am lazy in the morning.  i just need it in my cup, and hot, and that's enough.  however, cream and sugar are delightful, and i think i'm going to spend all day drinking coffee and wandering around the house working on crafty shit.  there is a good chance my pj's will be on all day, and that makes me impossibly happy.

what's your favorite thing to do when you have a weekend day with nothing on the agenda?  do you get stuff done or just laze about?  is there something special, like coffee with cream, you save for those days?      

shoppy stuff

i just got a whole ton of xmas shopping done over on etsy.  nothing feels better than looking at a list and checking stuff off!  what i love about etsy (and i'm sure i've mentioned this before) is that you can get handmade, unique stuff, at totally reasonable prices.  i love it. 

this is the first weekend in quite a while where i haven't had anything to do.  the agenda holds a whole lot of nothing, and after a ridiculous amount of sleep last night (think double digits, baby), i'm feeling all kinds of productive. 

it was also decided last night that thanksgiving this year will be at my house.  that is a first.  i was talking to D the other day when i asked him how he would feel if we just stayed home this year.  i love my family, but i do kind of hate having to drive all over on the holidays, and i thought there might be a way of just keeping to home this year.  i brought it up with my mom yesterday and was surprised to hear her say she thought that was an awesome idea, and that she would much rather come over here.  my sister said the same thing.  our house is the biggest, and while our kitchen isn't the best (that honor would go to my mother), we have been here long enough to know how to work with it.  i'm kind of excited to be grown-up enough to host a family holiday.  i think deciding on a menu and working on the meal together will also be good practice for D and i vis-a-vis wedding planning and stuff.  we think we work well together in the kitchen, because at home we do, but on a larger scale? who knows.  one of us might be a culinary dictator and not even know it. 

i think now i'll wash my hair, then venture out to get a trim.  i'm getting a bit shaggy.  although i did have a terrible dream last night that i went to get an inch cut off and they gave me a bob that made me cry.  do you think that's a sign? in that dream i also ran into my favorite babysitter as a child, who was a hot young man named jay, and tried to get him to make out with me.  even though i was a grown-up in the dream, he declined, saying he couldn't kiss a girl he'd babysat.  i was bummed. 

whoa, slow down

i just put an alchemy request up over on etsy, for help designing my save the date cards.  in like five minutes i had five bids!  crazy!  it's exciting, though.  while i'm crafty, my computer skills aren't always the best, and i don't have access to photoshop or illustrator or even any fancy microsoft stuff.  instead of beating my head against my computer and coming up with something retarded looking, i thought "i can ask for help with this."  help indeed!  it's too bad i have to go back to work, i could look at invites and bids all day. 

quiet monday

i had such plans for yesterday!  i was going to work on all sorts of crafty things, i was going to do some laundry and some cleaning, i was going to make some sort of delicious dinner.  then D and i went out to breakfast, i had the world's worst bloody mary, and all my ambition kind of slipped away.  i napped, lazed about in my track pants*, then ate what D made for dinner and passed out on the couch watching cartoons. 

so far today i've already gotten more done than yesterday, which isn't too hard since yesterday i did NOTHING.  i'm hoping to keep my productive streak going, using daylight savings time to my advantage.  i want to start working on save the dates, and get some stuff done around the house while the kids are at school.  this is why i love mondays, the house is quiet, D and i get to goof around, and if you get up early enough you have the pleasure of seeing the whole day spread out before you, waiting for you to do all sorts of things. 

*i bought them for walking, which i do use them for, but have found that when i'm not in scrubs lately, i'm in a pair of track pants and a sweatshirts.  it's like my weekend uniform.  gross.

movie talk

i just watched get him to the greek, the unrated version, with the girlchild.  i kept saying, "may! this is inappropriate!  INAPPROPRIATE.  please disregard the last scene."  as though she's a jury i can bully. ha! 

the boychik and i are getting ready to watch splice.  after that, i'll apologize for parenting while drinking wine, and fall asleep.  we all win.  or something.

hell yes!

since i've gotten the button maker, you may have noticed i've been kind of quiet about it.  to be honest, it wasn't working.  or rather, it worked one out of four or five times.  we tried everything to fix it, and finally decided to wait until we got some new parts before we thought about sending it back.  D and i ordered parts from two other companies, and a set showed up last night, just as i was taking dinner out of the oven.  HOLY SHIT.  the difference is amazing.  the machine isn't sticking, it isn't smooshing stuff, it's doing what it's supposed to do.  granted, there are still a few boo-boo buttons on occasion, but from what i've read, that's totally normal.  one out of ten or twenty is an okay number by me, and honestly, some of those were user error (like forgetting to put in a piece of mylar).

can i tell you how excited i am?!  i've been cutting up cute old japanese stationery and paper, magazine photos, and have a cute little assembly line set up at the kitchen table.  the plans i have!  the buttons i want to make!  i honestly think i might even need a simple version of photoshop, but i'll wait until after the holidays for that.  maybe.  i am having so much fun playing with it that there's always a chance i'll order sooner...  i might put some of the buttons up on etsy in sets, but more than anything i just want to make all the buttons i think of in my head, and put them on all my clothes, on the kids clothes, on D, on the cat, on the busdriver and postman, etc.  if you want me to send you one at random, let me know!  i want to share the button-y love.  send me an email at pinprick (at) gmail (dot) com!  

more talk of centipedes

it's awful, but i am the type of kid to tell my mother about something as gross as the human centipede.  while at her house on saturday, i told both her and my aunt about it, and while my aunt was aghast (because, duh) my mom went from being shocked to being seriously curious.  she wanted to know where she could rent it, and if i didn't know any better, i'd say there's a good chance that at some point my mother will view that movie all on her own. 

in other news, my mother is awesome.

my sinuses, however, not so awesome.  i actually took the day off work today to blow copious amounts of mucus out of my face and lay around moaning about how much my head hurts.  thanks to a handful of sudafed, my head feels better, albeit floating three feet above my neck.  i'm trying to make the house tidy (ha!), and getting ready for a walk over to the post office.  i sold some stuff on amazon this week to appease D, and to make some room.  for four people, there sure is a lot of stuff in this house, and most of it is mine.  no, that's not quite it.  about half of it is mine, and that's still too much! 

i missed the premiere of the walking dead this weekend, i'm not sure how that happened, so i'm going to try to hunt it down in re-runs or on the computer this week too.  the boychik and i need to see it.  i'm also going to play around with save-the-date ideas and using a printer with my mac.  i have an idea for a linocut too i want to mess around with.  days off are great for this sort of thing, even if it does come with snot and a headache.  

hooray for november!

rexville grange, represent

the month of october just ran on by, i'm hoping i get a chance to slow things down and enjoy november more.  so far it's off to a good start, and the end of october was pretty rad.  i had a birthday, which was fun (we went to port townsend for the day and just wandered around), there was halloween and all the candy, and we found a place to get married next year.  that's it, up there. 

i really loved the laconner flats, and getting married there in the rose garden sounded pretty fucking amazing.  however, we are going to have a lot of wedding guests.  that is something i've come to terms with: D's got a big family, and he just isn't okay with the idea of a little ceremony with hardly anyone there.  having the wedding at the flats meant we needed to rent a tent, or two, some heaters, chairs and tables and you can see where this is heading, right?  all that money for rentals was eating into our budget, and at the end of the day we'd have an awesome looking wedding with pigs in a blanket as appetizers.  i like pigs in a blanket, but was hoping for more on my wedding day.  there's also the whole issue of the two of use being kind of into food, and when we sat down and talked about what was important to us on our wedding day, we agreed that making sure our guests were fed and happy was a big thing. 

whew.  to that end, we postponed stuff.  obviously.  i started looking around at different venues, and stumbled across a website about washington state granges.  one we've driven past on many a sunday is the rexville grange.  i sent over an email to get some more information, and yesterday D and i drove our there to take a peek.  holy shit.  the place is HUGE (i mean it, it's massive), has a great old history, comes with tables and chairs aplenty, and has a beautiful outdoor area that we can also use if the weather holds.  it's also seriously reasonably priced, and you get the whole place from friday night to sunday.  the day of the wedding you get to just relax and focus on being wed, because you have the day before to set up, and the day after to tear down.   

a lot of what was stressing us both out about the wedding is now taken care of.  i don't have to rent anything, i don't have to do a lot more in the way of logistics, and can focus on fun stuff, like invites and decorations.  D is still in charge of the food (for the most part), and instead of a sit-down dinner we're thinking about going the nibbles route.  good nibbles, of course, but lots of delicious finger foods and pie and cake rather than a buffet or something more formal.  the weather in northwest washington in the month of may can also be lovely or rainy, so it's nice to know that we have indoor and outdoor options, and no matter what, people will be dry and comfortable.  we have plenty of time to work on the rest, thanks to already having a good idea of what we want, and starting work on it earlier.  having the site nailed down (again) and the date set (also, again) is a relief.  i did tell D if he tries to postpone again, i'm going to kill him, if my mom doesn't get to him first.  no wedding is ever perfect, and i think after our first try planning one, he's gotten that.  hopefully he'll relax and just enjoy setting this one up, because if he doesn't? i'm going to insist on elopement or staying shacked up forever.  it was disappointing to call off the wedding, and i don't think i can go through that again, even if it wasn't because of cold feet and was just all about the planning and timing, and even if it was nice to have more time.  one postponement is enough for this girl, thank you very much.