hmmm...

the interview today went pretty well. they guy who will be my boss was super nice, the other kids at the store seemed happy, and just this afternoon they offered me the job.

but...it can't ever be that easy, can it? nope. the place i interviewed at yesterday got me an interview tomorrow, for a reception gig at an architechture/engineering firm. the pay is actually the same, except there's one more day (m-f as opposed to m&t, f&s). also, it's another office job. i'm not sure how i feel about that. there's this part of me that is sick of trying to fit into coporate america, doesn't like being trapped at a desk, and hates the 8-5 grind. i am not, nor have i ever been, much of a morning person. i'm 28 and this is the one thing i know really well about myself. there's part of me that knows that taking that job over the retail one is the smart thing to do, the reasonable thing to do, the grown-up responsible, making more money thing to do. yet i hate the idea and find myself stiffening against it. fuck!

the thing is, working four days a week will mean i'll be making enough to survive. i won't have a ton of money left over, but i would be making enough for rent and food and the bills i have. when i say "not a lot left over" i mean, maybe $200. there's the slim outside chance that i could supplement my income with an extra day here or there, or selling enough stuff on-line. theoretically, i'd have a whole extra day a week that i could devote to making stuff to sell, as well as painting, photography, and all my other little crafty ambitions. i could also tighten my belt, as it were, and cut some of my expenses. this place is close enough that i could walk or ride a bike, i could get rid of netflix (which might kill me but could also make me stronger! plus, i can't cut off the cable because that's something all three of us pay for), i'm already becoming better and better friends with the library, and being broke this long has only renewed my love of top ramen. it could be done, and it could be a way for me to take a break from corporate desk life and get a little more retail experience under my belt. with that, after a while i could move somewhere else. it is possible.

if i take this job with the idea that i'll use that extra day to give the side business a lot more attention, as well as all the artsy stuff, then that means i have to seriously commit to that. i can't spent that extra day goofing off and fucking around doing nothing.

i feel super conflicted. on one hand, this job i was offered sounds right up my alley; no desk, an afternoon schedule, working with other kids as well as seeing all sorts of weirdos wander in and out of the store. when i'm not telling people to "suck it" i'm actually fairly pleasant. i do have a teensy chip on my shoulder when it comes to being treated like a retard by customers, but the same thing happens as a receptionist, only by the same people every day. on the other hand, i'm 28 years old and might be giving up a really good job with benefits and blah blah blah (to be honest, i'm sick to death of working jobs i hate just so i can see a doctor if i get sick. that's fucking bullshit!), and how grown-up can i be if i'm working as a greeter in a cell phone store? my mother almost had a conniption when i mentioned this to her on the phone, which made me feel guilty, and yet is exactly the reason i moved away from home to start with. i've done what she and pop wanted me to do my whole life and all it's gotten me is some serious educational debt and this nagging feeling like nothing i do is ever good enough. i'm not a workaholic, i'm not "ambitious," i work because i have to do and i try to not doing anything that makes me want to kill people.

am i being unreasonable? my head hurts.