my newest crush

*dreamy! handy!*

this guy, antonio ballatore.  he has a show on HGTV, called the antonio treatment, which i have quickly become obsessed with.  i guess he's been on tv for a while, but i only recently discovered him.  i tried to find a photo of him with his awesome glasses, but this will do.  isn't he handsome?  his decorating is also totally fucking insane, and i mean that in the best way possible.  his rooms look bizarre and beautiful, and he's got what i think of as a coney island aesthetic.  plus, he's tall, he can obviously grow a beard, and he's got a super cool dog.  swoon alert!

just check out some of these awesome rooms for yourself, and try to tell me they aren't ridiculously wonderful.  i can only hope some of my house looks so good someday!  

a few home declarations

the knowledge that we are soon moving into our own home, a real house, has slowly been sinking in over the past week.  it all happened so FAST.  barring anything crazy happening in the next week, we'll be closing within a month! 

of course this means i've been thinking a lot about how i want the house to look, what i want to do to it and in it, scanning blogs and paying more attention to home and garden magazines.  in my head i'm making a list of things i do and don't want to do, and i have a feeling this is going to turn into some kind of home-owning manifesto for amanda.  after the jump is a short list of things i'm going to try to adhere to.

grumpy pants

we should leave this in the boychik's room just for spite

man, i have been seriously super grumpy lately.  i think that's what being stressed out does to me, and we're all kind of in a heightened state of "oh my god there's so much to do" and also antsy to get the hell out of this house and into the new one.  i think the only one of us that isn't a grouch right now is the girlchild, and she has been a refreshing change of pace.  if i could have two days alone in the house, i think i could get a lot done and feel a lot less fussy, but the problem about having a family is that you can't kick them out for a few days because you want to.  you need a good reason, and i don't really have one.  also, i need to get over my thing where i only work on house stuff when they're gone.  after all, we're about to get married and they're not going anywhere any time soon.  i am actually going to have to adapt, i can put it off no longer.  at least the kids are back in school today and D works; i feel a great big productive streak coming on already.

lately i'm all about reading home and design blogs and am having five million ideas for things i want to do to the house.  we had the inspection this weekend, so this morning i meet with the realtor to go over the findings and maybe re-negotiate the price.  the report really didn't find much though; there are a few things that will need to be repaired and/or replaced in a few years, so we'll need to set up a fund for that sort of thing, but overall, there aren't any glaring defects.  yay!

you know what i am really excited about?

having my own tiny space to make a studio in.  i know i don't do a lot of drawing or painting or doodling, but when i do, i am very happy.  that little weird "closet" behind the master bedroom closet calls to me at night, and i've spent days now daydreaming about how i want to paint it and where i want to mount the cork.  right now i have a very steve zissou theme in mind, meaning i need to pick out exactly the right shade of blue for the walls, and obviously paint my desk red.  who's excited?  THIS GIRL.

guess who isn't really working on anything wedding related at all?

that would be me.  shit, all i can think about are things i want to do to the new house, as in painting, and things i want to do at the new house, like barbequeing.

in reality, i don't have a ton of stuff left to do.  the invitations took FOREVER because i'm a tard and making them all by hand was not my smartest idea.  at the same time, they turned out cute, so i shouldn't bitch.  there's still plenty of stuff that needs to be bought, though.  the kids need outfits, the tables need tablecloths, the centerpieces need centers, yadda yadda.  we should also probably get a marriage license, assign the pies to our loved ones, and make a menu.

honestly, i'm overwhelmed.  sometimes happily so, sometimes in a spazzed out kind of way.  this is a lot to do in a short amount of time, and while it's all very excited, it's also a lot of work.  a month and a half left, i should probably be doing something other than blogging! 

when it rains it pours

that saying also applies to good things, thank goodness.  in about two months i'll be married, have a new-ish last name (i'm still trying to decide if i'll hyphenate or not!), and guess what?  i'll also be a homeowner.  well, mostly a homeowner.  my amazing in-laws are helping us buy our very first home!  we've been talking about it with them for a while now, but had decided last week that we should really just focus on the wedding stuff, and look at houses after that was all over.  then, we all (independent of each other) saw this house come on the market that we thought looked great.  one thing led to another, we saw the house, fell more in love with it, made and offer, and TA-DAAH!  as it stands right now we move in the monday after the wedding.  isn't that crazy?

it's a great house, just big enough for the four of us, with both a sitting room and a living room, a nice big backyard, a deck, a garage with a shop built into it, and this weird "storage" room off the master bedroom that is so becoming my little craft cave.  it was a great price, we discovered that we actually know the owners, and our experience with the realtors and inspectors and all that has been good. 

to be honest, my brain is going a thousand different ways at once.  i wonder how we're going to take down the wallpaper in the kid's rooms (it's kind of dated and too young for the kids), what i'm going to paint the bedroom, how much it will cost us to buy a refurbished or used washer/drier set,  what will come with us and what we'll get rid of, what other sorts of things i should put on the bridal registry that we'll need a new place, etc.  i literally couldn't sleep last night i was so excited.  i've been in rentals now for 14 years; being able to make a place really, truly my own is just totally fucking thrilling.  it's blowing my mind! 

and here, my dears, is our lovely new place,

i'll let you know when the house-warming party is! 

creepy crawlies

the boychik and i rented some scary movies tonight, because that's what we do when we have the house to ourselves, and we both agreed that paranormal activity looked interesting.  you know, we wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 

we watched almost the entire movie with blankets up near our noses so we could hide if we needed to.  it was creepy in it's everyday-ness, kind of like the blair witch project, but you know, IN YOUR HOUSE.  *shiver*  we tried to put something else in afterward, and the dvd player made a very wrong noise, and we had to shut that shit off, and then we giggled nervously in the living room at our ridiculousness. 

he'll kill me for telling you this, but i can't help it!  we are feeling creeped out.  scary movie night just bit us in the ass! 

hey! how have you been?

things around here have been quiet.  i still have a lot of wedding stuff to work on, most of which i'm ignoring.  i'm a jackass procrastinator at heart.  most of what i have left to do is decoration stuff, and i find that just like baking, i only like to do it after 8 at night.  today i was talking to another girl at work about her upcoming wedding, and she kind of made me feel shitty about my wedding, but then i realized i just tend to feel kind of shitty when i talk to that girl anyway.  she's an eye-roller.  so, i stopped feeling shitty because i realized i was being dumb, and ate a BLT with my boy at lunch.  i'm always amazed at the power a good sandwich wields; you just can't be in a bad mood with a belly full of bacon and homemade garlic mayo.  TRY IT, i dare you. 

oh, and look!  i totally got a ring,

is it gauche to post photos of your engagement ring on a blog?!  if so, sorry.  for a while i was wearing my great-grandmother's engagement ring, which i loved, but D thought it was important for me to have my own ring.  it took a while to get this one, but now that i have it, i am a happy, happy girl.  this has the vintage look i love, but is clean and streamlined as well.  it's not terribly fussy, but oh my, it is sparkly.  i understand now why ladies love diamonds.  the magpie in me can't stop looking at my hand! 

the RSVP cards are coming in fast and furious (yay!).  i read somewhere in my wedding planning about making sure that you put some sort of identification on your rsvp cards; a number that corresponds to a guest, just in case they forget to write their name on the card.  that was great advice, but i got one yesterday that not only didn't have the respondents name on it, but i also forgot to add the numerical code on the front, so i really have no idea who sent it!  whoever it is is totally coming to my wedding, though.  who will the mystery guest be?!  i guess we'll have to wait and see.   

hmmmm

guess what happens when you fall asleep on the couch at 7?  you wake up at midnight, and then wonder if you can go back to sleep! i always do this the night before work.  dork.

i made quite possibly the most amazing lima bean dish tonight, which i know for some of you might sound like cooking the impossible, but honestly; lima beans have to be my favorite bean to cook.  if done right they are creamy little pockets of yum. i kind of made up the recipe as i went along, so i need to write it all down because it was so good.  i cooked a whole pound of dried beans, and we had a little less than a serving left after dinner.  the kids especially loved it, and that totally made me feel like a rockstar.  they are such good eaters!  completely open to trying anything once, and they tend to love stuff you'd have a hard time selling other kids.  they can probably name more veggies than your average grocery store checkout clerk, and know the difference between a parsnip and a rutabaga.  in short, they are pretty much the perfect people to cook for.

i'm going to try to go back to sleep.  wish me luck!  

menstruation nation

tonight we were watching bob's burgers (quickly becoming my new favorite cartoon) and at one point, the youngest daughter is saying she doesn't want to hang out with her older sister and mother because they are the "menstruation nation."  if i'd had milk in my mouth, it would have come out my nose at that point, i laughed so hard.  the truth is, as much as the girlchild loves me and my mother, i can tell she feels the same way sometimes, and just wants to hang out with her brother and pop because with them the subject of periods and cramps and annoying things like bloating never come up.  i am, indeed, part of the menstruation nation.  i can totally remember feeling the same way about my mom and aunts, and it's ridiculous and hilarious to be on the other side of that.  you'll be happy to know she found it funny as well, and not just because i cackled when the kid said it.

yeah, i cackle.  just like my mother!

a small treatise on the subject of motherhood

i think part of makes me want to talk about mothering and motherhood and being a step-parent is that for me it's so new.  three years ago, this was not what i thought i'd be doing.  at the most, by now i thought i'd be knocked up or with an infant; not with a 12 year old and a 16 year old.  i don't think i was specifically against that, it just wasn't something i thought of as a possibility.   i've been doing some parenting now for about two years, and while i understand that being a step-parent is different from being a bio-parent, i find myself at times balking against the distinctions.  this week i worked with a tech who i hate, and i remembered why when he kept asking about the kids, and only referred to them as "D's kids."  he kept pointing out that we haven't been together that long (personally, i think two years of 24 hours a day, 7 days a week isn't anything to sneeze at), and when i said something about "my" kids, he actually corrected me.  which i guess is his right, but honestly?  if these aren't my kids, then shit.  i've been investing way too much time, energy and love.

what makes all of this extra poignant to me is that my pop didn't get to meet them, or see me parent.  they only know him through stories, and while those are pretty good, they aren't as awesome as he was as a grandparent.  it's the anniversary of his death today (i always want to call it a "deathiversary" but you know, even i understand that's in poor taste), and while every day without him is hard, today always makes me think of him a bit more.  instead of getting all maudlin, i had a drink in his honor (or four), watched a zombie movie with the kids, and made a nice dinner.  i think he would have liked my little family, and i think he would approve of me spending time with them and thinking of him today.

and this part is embarrassing, but he showed up in a dream of mine this week where we just hung out and talked.  we were in class together, and making fun of the teacher, and just chit chatting about every day stuff.   honestly?  while i don't believe in an afterlife, those dreams always make me feel great.  like maybe he's visiting in his own way, from wherever you go after you become worm food.  it might just be my brain's way of dealing with shit, but i don't care.  i'm glad to see him. 

ugh

it's kind of a funny story

is a movie with my favorite bearded man (this week), zach galifianakis. i watched it tonight, and found it kind of sweet, and enjoyable. nothing groundbreaking about it, but it was nice. they used this version of the pixies "where is my mind?", though, and just listen. it's so lovely!

also, while poking around the youtubes, i found this version by placebo. it's excellent!

meatloaf secrets

your bridal shower ideas were awesome!  i'm sure once i get to mine and have that mimosa (or bellini) in my hand, i will have a good time.  i think i do want to go with the recipe route; one of my absolute favorite xmas gifts ever has been a binder my mom made me of all our favorite family recipes.  she has a pie in there my pop LOVED, my favorite aunt's curried rice and lamb chop recipe, my sister's favorite biscotti.  when my mother gave them to my sister and i, she had us open them up at the same time, and in the front of each was an old polaroid of us each cooking as kids.  we both burst into tears, which is weird, because honestly, we aren't a weeping bunch of women.  it was just so sweet, so thoughtful, and so useful.  we knew how mom made her meatloaf, the exact recipe for twisty xmas cookies, and she had recruited friends and family members to contribute.  it was touching. 

also, today i was pretty awesome stepmom.  the boychik is sick (walking death is what i think they call it), so i not only got him some yogurt to counteract the antibiotics he's taking, i also rented jackass 3 because i know how much he loves those douchebags.  to be fair, i loved jackass 1, it's just that the more jackasses they do, the less i am impressed.  however, i will watch grown men try to hit hard boiled eggs with their penises if it makes my boy happy.  i also brought home megamind for the girlchild and i, because we like cartoons and will ferrell. 

i made a list of the things i have left to do as far as wedding stuff goes, and it's about 15 things long.  in my humble opinion, with two months left to go, that is not so terrible.  if you think otherwise, um, please don't tell me. 

bridal shower ideas?

i was supposed to go meet my mom and aunt for pizza and to talk about the bridal shower they want to throw, but mom got caught up at work and we had to reschedule.  which is good because  i was also supposed to look up ideas for a theme, but i only came up with a few.  a recipe/cookbook shower would be nice; we can never have enough recipes!  plus, it's kind of cool to see what other people like to cook.  i heard about a "stock the bar" bridal shower and i thought at first, "awesome! booze!" but then i got to thinking, and realized that with all that booze in the house, maybe i wouldn't get any work done on wedding preparations.  you know if forced to choose between a dirty martini or making tissue paper pom poms, i might go with the olives and vodka.  we could actually use some real, grown-up furniture, so i thought maybe asking people to bring ikea gift cards would be nice, but i worry that that is too specific and too greedy sounding.

i'll admit having a shower isn't my idea of a good time (i have successfully avoided going to a lot of bridal showers because the games and forced girl-time can be a bit much, also what the fuck is up with toilet paper dresses?! that's a waste of toilet paper!), but you know what i have learned about weddings?  they are all about "me" and "my" day, unless of course, someone disagrees.  or one of my mom's friends tsk-tsks my choices.  or i decide to do something that maybe isn't super traditional.  i'm just going with the flow now.  do you have any good ideas for a relaxed bridal shower?  if so, you have to let me know, or else i will force you to eat tea sandwiches and make ribbon bouquets.  (i know i'm not supposed to plan or have anything to do with my own shower, but i've already been drafted! at least i can contribute some ideas, right?)

ugh!

i did a lot of work on invites this weekend.  we also did some comparison shopping of food and stuff, to get an idea of what are options are.

i just realized i have a ton of things to do for the wedding.  why did i put that countdown clock up there?  it just makes me crazy.  i guess it's also keeping me honest and on my toes.  also, it's always sunny in philadelphia has played a major part in my wedding preparations, just so you know. let's go knit some kitten mittons!

nuts! we spring forward tonight.

i always forget.  while i love the additional sunlight (or being awake through it, rather than the actual appearance of more sun), i hate losing that precious hour of sleep.

this weekend was kind of a bummer.  i was supposed to go to portland this weekend for the shamrock run, but honestly, my wallet put the kibosh on that.  i knew weddings were expensive before we started planning one, but i guess i thought that wouldn't apply to me because i am not having a "traditional" wedding.  we still have people to feed, invites to send, and through all that, daily life marches on.  kids need to see the dentist, we have a leak somewhere around the tub that needs to be fixed, and for some reason uncle sam still thinks i should be paying him for going to college.  sheesh.

even though i am bummed out that i had to stay home, i tried to make the most of my time here.  i worked on my wedding registry with my mother-in-law (who works at a big bed/bath store), had a nice lunch with her, and then came home and recruited the girlchild in helping me with invite stuff.  we got a bunch of stuff cut out, a whole lot of stuff stamped, and a million envelopes addressed. we also watched a few retarded and fun movies, and i have a good idea of what else i want to get done this weekend.  like santa i am making a list, and checking that shit twice.

it's not as fun as seeing my friends and nephews, but it will have to do this weekend.  sigh.

oh, and i almost forgot the really annoying part of my day;

intrest in pintrest?

i joined pintrest a while ago, to keep pictures of wedding ideas and crafts all in one place, and to see what my friends were up to on it.  so far, it's a fun little tool; i like the photos and short comments, it's neat to see what other people are looking at, and all that jazz.  i found this photo today on someone's board though, with the caption, "sexy bones."  i re-pinned it with my own comment, "this is so fucked up, i saw this on another board with the actual words 'sexy bones' on it. yeah, anorexia is super hot."  before today, i think three other people have commented on my pins or re-pinned them.  i totally surpassed that number today! 

first and foremost, i admit: i am a fat chick.  chubby, zaftig, curvy, fat, whatever.  i haven't always been this size, and i'm not always 100% happy with my body, but i don't know many women who are.  when i saw this photo and the words sexy + bones together, it made me sick to my stomach.  not because i'm a jealous fat girl, which some of the comments to my post implied, but because, really?! this is hot? i understand it's an awkward and not natural position this woman is in, unless you're a lingerie model (they hang out like this all time!), and that it places emphasis on her hip bones, but STILL.  this woman is seriously thin.  this angle, those jutting hip bones, aren't what i think of when i think of healthy.  in fact, bones poking through skin don't strike me as sexy or healthy in general.

i got a couple of responses from butt-hurt "skinny" girls who said that making fun of skinny is as bad as making fun of fat, but you know what?  i don't buy it.  plus, the point wasn't just to make fun of skinny, i'm pointing my finger at how this is the type of body women are supposed to aim for.  that we can remove a woman's head and in essence, entire personality, and reduce to her a torso that we want to fuck or look like.  that it's okay to do this and not question it.  that as women we're only worth the parts and pieces of us that other people find attractive.  that saying anything in opposition to that view is to "out" yourself as jealous, petty, and fat.  i already know that being fat isn't okay, trust me.  i'm not just saying this because i'm a pouty, pissed off chick who can't put down the ben & jerry's, and wishes that she could be so thin that other women would feel envious.  (the whole "i have to make other women hate/envy/notice me to have worth" paradigm is a topic we'll cover at another time!)  more than anything, it's upsetting to me that beauty is portrayed in such a narrow way, to such exclusion of all the other types and kinds.  words like "thinspiration" make me gag.   

let's start a revolution, let's just like ourselves as we are.  let's be healthy and happy and interesting.  let's make weirdo clothes to wear and delight in what makes us different, let's stop forcing ourselves to be anything but who we are.  let's try to be nice to our bodies and be stoked about the things they can do, and stop beating ourselves up for what we think are our shortcomings.  let's stop focusing on all the little parts, the abs, the butts, the thighs, and be grateful for health, and mobility and look at who we are as a whole.  if we want anyone to stop objectifying us, to stop treating us as property and chattel, then we need to start looking at ourselves that way too.

(yeah, i'm a feminist.  i don't think that's a bad word.)      

broken record

i spent NINE HOURS yesterday working on my wedding invitations.  NINE HOURS.  if they had super-cap-locks, you can bet i'd be using it right now.  most of that time was spent trying to make my mother's printer cooperate, adjusting it, calibrating it, filling it with new ink and arguing with it.  it was frustrating to not only have to re-write, type and set my invites, but having to deal with that old printer was like salting the wound.  i thought that going over there to work on the invites would be kind of relaxing; i could work and drink coffee out of her awesome keurig, play with maggie and may while things were printing, and visit with mom.  none of that happened but the coffee drinking.  the printer was also quite possibly the SLOWEST PRINTER ON EARTH, and for all those hours working, i didn't even get it all done!  the RSVP cards still need to be finished; her printer did not like the small paper size and basically just sprayed toner at random or just spit out blank sheets until i decided to call it a night.

it was draining work, even thought it was really just me doing nerdy stuff and formatting things.  i came home, watched SNL with the girlchild (miley fucking cyrus was actually pretty fucking funny, much to my chagrin), went to bed at about 2 and woke up this morning with D at 8.  i got up for a few hours and then decided it was cold and i wanted to go back to bed, and the next thing i knew it was 2 in the afternoon!  my mother likes to call me "mattress ass" and honestly, you can see why.  i can't believe the morning got so far away from me!  i'm glad that a big chunk of the printing is done; i can spend some time tonight and tomorrow cutting and putting things together, and hopefully this week i can get to a printer that will accept and work with my small RSVP cards.  it cheers me up to know that the end result of all this work are cute invitations, but days like yesterday made me wish i'd just bought a box of them at the craft store.  (which we all know i could have never done! that would have felt like cheating!)      

aaargh!

i was having a pretty good day earlier.  my work schedule was just right; full without being crazy busy, the weather was sunny (albeit windy), and all my patients were interesting folks.  then i got a nice long lunch break and got to go out to lunch with my boyfriend.  we went to our favorite local tavern, the trainwreck, and i ate a ridiculously delicious salad that i had never tried before; an oriental chicken salad.  i don't know why i never tried it before, the chicken was tender and had a great gingery soy marinade/sauce, it had seaweed salad in it (awesome!) and cashews and the dressing had just the right amount of heat in it.  it also had grapefruit segments in it, and normally i hate grapefruit (unless it's in juice form and mixed liberally with vodka) but this was divine.  honestly, i could talk about that salad all day.  unfortunately, my boyfriend was in a crappy mood and guess what?  by the end of lunch, i was too.  instead of hanging out with him afterward, i dropped him off and went back to work. 

i came home still kind of annoyed at how crabby he was this afternoon and thought i would get some work done printing parts of our invites when the computer i was working on just stopped working.  you can turn it on, and all it does is beep at you.  like a dumbass, i didn't back up any of my wedding invite documents on a memory stick or email them to myself because the computer had been working great for the past week.  in fact, yesterday i worked on it for hours without it seizing up!  sure, that computer has had some issues in the past, but it also is the only one with word on it and the only one that printer likes to talk to, so while i knew i was taking a chance i did it anyway.  i could kick myself.  i'm going to have to hope that the magical computer fixing elves show up soon so i can retrieve my documents, or find another computer with word that i can use and re-work everything.  which sounds like so much fun.  SO MUCH FUN.  as a consolation prize, i cut some paper tonight.  whoo. 

so i had half of a good day, an amazing salad, and then an annoying afternoon and evening.  aren't you glad i told you all about it?! 

evidently i am a big fan of the west coast

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stampgasm!

i got a lot of work done on my wedding invitations this weekend.  i went from literally a box of paper just sitting there to a whole stack of things done and ready to go, word documents finalized, and plans aplenty.  i think it scared D a little; suddenly i seemed to know exactly what was going on and had a lot of stuff done.  which is just how i work. 

a lot of my plans for hand-drawn and written invitation elements kind of fell by the wayside once i started working.  for one thing, doing the conversion from doodle in my sketchbook to pdf file is a bigger undertaking than i can manage on my own (which is so sad considering that i worked at kinko's long enough to actually learn all of that shit!), and for another, the way i was writing everything looked great at one size, but was harder to read at the actual size we needed.  a lot of folks getting invitations are D's older relatives, and once i shrunk down my calligraphy work it was harder to read.  i'm also going to say this even though it sounds shitty and cynical, but not everyone is going to keep our wedding invitations.  making an elaborate piece of paper art that people are eventually going to throw away seemed kind of sad.  i'm happy with the compromise i made; i think my home-printed word documents come very close to the spirit of my curly handwriting, i like the paper i picked a lot, and the end result is simple, clean and easy to read.  there are pretty acorn touches, a little bit of yarn (of course!), and personal touches throughout.  yeah, if time and money and knowledge were infinite, my invitations would be a bit fancier.  as it stands, i think they're sweet and interesting and best of all, on their way to being all done. 

buying this paper cutter was one of those expenses i probably shouldn't have splurged on, but good goddamn, I LOVE IT.  i've been really digging on all kinds of paper work and letter and card making these day anyhow, and being able to work on my invitations any time at all has been awesome.  i know printing them myself is kind of cheap, but if i can't afford letterpress at least i can trim all my paper myself!  i admit, i've been enjoying working on the invitations, at night when the kids go to bed, watching tv with a beer, cutting and stamping and setting things up like my own little assembly-line.  it feels good to have such a big project to work on, and even better watching it all come together. 

ahem

this sums up how i feel about the oscars the best.  not only did i not watch, but i didn't even feel like checking out the pretty dresses and shit on the internet today.  i'm either becoming a) a crotchety old lady or b) maybe more grown up, but in a less crotchety way.  whatever.   

things that are awesome about this sunday

1. having a laptop, so i can compute in the living room while drinking coffee.
2. spiking said coffee with cocoa.
3. having a boyfriend in the kitchen making pitas.
4. internet shopping on the couch.  
5. reading the NYtimes.
6. garlic toast for breakfast.
7. knitting! 

beware my lasers!

this is what happens when i remember that i have leftover holiday champagne and peach juice.  bellinis and fake knuckle tattoos! what makes this joke truly funny is fake punching the air with my fists and yelling "pew! pew!"

what can i say? i am easily amused. 

snow day!

a lot of folks up here in the pacific northwest got a snow day today.  last night it snowed almost 20 inches where i live, which is tremendous for us.  i didn't have to go to work early today, but i knew i had patients so i got up and took my shower and frowned around the house for a while, until my tech called and said the two patients we had scheduled for today had canceled. suddenly, i had the day off, and that frown seemed kind of ridiculous.  the kids also had the day off, and D had the day off, so there was a whole lot of loafing going on over here.  it was great.  we pulled our old futon mattress out into the living room, watched movies, drank cheladas (dear whoever invented the chelada, i love you!), made a giant pot of bean soup, and did i mention the lazing about?!  the girlchild built tunnels in the snow for most of the day, the cat went a bit stir crazy, and the boychik went out for a bike ride to see what sort of shape the rest of the neighborhood was in.  that gave D and i some alone time, ahem, and i have to say, being a grown up on a snow day is AWESOME.  truly.  our schedules have been wonky lately, and getting two minutes alone with D at any time has been kind of a miracle; having a whole hour or so to ourselves this afternoon felt downright decadent.  i know that a lot of parents and couples have that feeling, and those moments when you realize that for weeks all you've been talking about has been kids and bills and what's for dinner, and then suddenly you can talk about other stuff, and it's like "oh yeah, this is why we started dating!"  having a grown up conversation about anything else feels so novel.  today's topics were food concessions, geodesic housing, and i admit, we snuck in a little talk of bills and wedding planning.  it was really, really nice.

it was also my pop's birthday today, and while part of me was sad (of course) i was glad i could stay home with my little family and be sad with them.  when he was born, my grandmother was terribly ill with a bout of tuberculosis.  in fact, when she realized she was pregnant with him, her doctors all advised her strongly not to go through with the pregnancy because she was already so sick.  in 1948, if a doctor advised you (out loud) in the midwest to terminate your pregnancy, you had to be seriously unwell.  the day he was born, right afterward they swept her off to a sanitarium and sent him to live with an aunt who already had nine of her own children; but she always said pop was her 10th.  he was there for six months before his mother was well enough to even see him.  he was a wanted baby, though, and everyone did what they could to take care of him while my grandmother was sick.  if he were alive today, i would have bought him some candy he liked, some sort of toy or something ridiculous.  he wasn't much for big gifts; he liked weird, small things.  i drew him a birthday card one year with a robot on the front and he always kept it tucked in the china hutch behind his seat at the kitchen table.  that sort of thing was what he dug, and i appreciated that.  i wish i could have called him today and told him to have a good day, and sent him something dumb in the mail (like those cadbury fruit and nut bars! he loved those), but having a dinner he would have liked and remembering him was pretty good too.  i have days where remembering him doesn't hurt so badly, but days like today are kind of a challenge.  being able to stay home and enjoy the snow made it easier.  

oh, the angst of youth

i poke fun at the boychik's angst, shudder at the thought of the girlchild going through puberty and subjecting me to the horrors i previously visited upon my own (sainted) mother, but tonight i watched a show on independent lens about william s. burroughs and remembered that as far as angst and ennui go, none of us has a thing on old bill.

the beats were a huge part of my adolescence.  i don't even say that in an ironic way; i was terribly earnest and passionate about my love of the beats.  i read everything i could get my hands on, delighting in lawrence ferlinghetti, devouring ginsberg, prickling at burroughs.  as a young, mostly white girl living on an island, relating to a queer junkie was a stretch for my tiny brain, but the discomfort he provided was sublime.  his words were scratchy and amazing and it was the first time i ever realized that pain and horror and unhappiness could create beauty.  he was truly disenfranchised in a way i couldn't begin to understand, and it was burroughs along with the other beats that really confirmed my love of writing and reading.  it suddenly wasn't just an escape from my own awkwardness, i realized it could be a transformation.  it's almost embarrassing for me to admit this to you, but i know we all have those writers, those artists, who wake something up in us, makes us both more than what we are and also solidly, truly, ourselves.  transcendental acceptance of our own failings.  or something.

i don't think D really liked watching the movie, but i think the boychik got a little something out of it.  if anything, we got to see peter weller in some ridiculous eyeglasses, smoking a cigar and being infinitely smarter than his robocop background might lead to you believe.  also, patti fucking smith.  awesome!  if you get a chance to see this movie, i recommend it.  my favorite transgender, pangender, transhuman, genesis breyer-p.orridge also makes an appearance and that is always something to see.

synchronised tossing and turning

part of me wants to wait up tonight for D to come home, but part of me wants to be in my bed reading right this second.  i try to stay up on saturday nights; it's nice to wait up and see D for a bit before going to bed.  he always works a double on saturdays at the restaurant, so he never gets home until late and as rock star as i am, if i'm going to stay up late i want it to be because 1) i'm tipsy or 2) i'm alone and working on random projects.  by midnight on the weekends i'm kind of sick of hearing the kids bickering and need some alone time.  does that make me a bad person?  i think it's established that i do honestly like the kids, but the do also make me fucking crazy sometimes.  things that do it to me are the disney channel, the constant whiny sounds coming from the couch when one of them is on the wrong side, the way the tv has to be turned up to 70 at all times (really? are they that deaf already?) and how my throw blanket always end up smelling like rancid feet because neither one of them thinks it's important to shower more than once a week. 

well, i guess i'm just suzy fucking sunshine tonight, huh?  excuse me, i'll stop with my own whining. 
maybe i'll just send them to bed so i can have some alone time.  ooh, wouldn't that be novel?  i forget sometimes that i'm a grown up and can do that.  

i got some work done on my invitations today.  i have a good first draft, i bought some awesome brush pens that i'm getting used to, and i think tomorrow i should be able to make one that i like and can use.  my plan is to make a nice hand drawn and lettered version, then scan it and have someone smarter than me turn that scan into a working pdf file.  that way i can change the color of the type to a nice dark brown, and print it here at home on our printer.  here's a sample of what i did tonight,

still fairly rough, but i think for a first draft with a new pen, it's not the worst thing i've ever done. i like the way i worded things, and worst case scenario, i'll just find a font i like and use that.  this part of the wedding stuff is fun, but we only have 90 days left, so maybe i should just get these done and sent out, or else no one will show up at this thing!

what are you going to do...

lately i've been asked by some co-workers what i plan to "do with" my ears on my wedding day.  i've been stretching them for about ten years now; i don't think of them as super big (i'm at 9/16th of a inch), but i suppose to someone who doesn't have stretched ears, they might look big.  to be honest, i was (am) planning on finding a nice pair of white plugs to match my dress, or perhaps a pretty carved pair.  i was surprised when i was asked, though, and i actually didn't know what to say for a second.  i mean, i guess i can see why they would ask; maybe they think my mom doesn't approve or that to some members of my or D's family, they might be frowned upon, but at the same time, i don't think anyone would ask a girl who had regular earrings what they "planned on doing" with their ears.  i think they would ask, "what kind of earrings do you think you'll wear?"  i've also been asked if i'm going to cover up my tattoos with a wrap or make-up, which also kind of surprised me.  i think mainly because i live with my tattoos, and i put them there, i don't think of them too much.  it never occurred to me to  cover them up.  they're just there.  i'm not ashamed of them, the same way i'm not ashamed of my ears, and it's not like anyone in my family is going to be surprised to see them.  i guess some of D's family might not know about the tattoos, but what better time and place for them to learn about them, right?! 

don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to get all bullshit on you.  i understand that not everyone chooses the particular forms of body modification that i have, and that there are some generational differences to take into account (everyone who's asked has been older), i just think there are nicer ways to ask.  it sounds kind of judgemental to ask in a way that makes it sound like the tattoos (or ears) in question are a dirty secret to be hidden.  obviously, what i think is pretty might not be what everyone thinks is pretty.  my dress doesn't have a lot of sparkly beads on it, i'm not too keen on wearing a veil or piling my hair up into an elaborate coif, the same way i don't spend a lot of time putting on make-up in the morning.  i think my ears look nice.  i like my tattoos, i think they're pretty and awesome.  more than that, i'm happy with who i am, and i'm marrying a man who is also happy with who i am.  he thinks i'm cute as hell, he likes the way i look and the goofy dances i do in the kitchen.  he's never made fun of my ridiculous big toes (which are indeed, very ridiculous), and if i came home tomorrow with a giant hot dog tattoo on my chest, he'd probably smile and compliment me on my hot buns.  i don't think my wedding day is really the day i want to try to pretend to be a pretty pretty princess.  

felled by an ugly bug

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

the day started out pretty awesome.  i made an old-school potato stamp, and decorated some bags of candy for my little family.  no one got anything too big; just some candy and a cute toy.  i did get D a small book, scenes from an impending marriage by adrian tomine, but let's be honest: that was as much for me as him.

in return, i got some candy and kisses from my sweetie as well. 

i made a beautiful dinner.  roasted some beets for a salad, mixed them with baby greens, candied walnuts (that i candied!), gorgonzola and a homemade vinaigrette.  i had picked up some tiny sirloin steaks to serve as well, which D was on top of. everyone was in a great mood, dinner was coming along beautifully, and then my wedding dress showed up!

it's gorgeous.  simple and pretty and worth every penny.  even without the fancy undergarments, the dress fit well and held all my parts and pieces up and made it all look good.  if i don't lose another pound between here and the wedding, that's okay, because really, this dress looks amazing.  i can see now why a dress that makes you feel so pretty is such a big deal when planning your wedding.  it felt good to wear something so well made and so flattering.

we were all happy about the dress, dinner was delicious and then we got settled in on the couch to watch a little adventure time when it hit me.  my stomach started to feel weird, but i thought maybe i was just really full.  then it started cramping.  then i realized that my chances of keeping down my carefully prepared, lovely and yummy meal were slim to none.  i spent the rest of the night in the bathroom, throwing up any and everything that had crossed my lips for the past 48 hours.  i don't know what caused it, but no one else got it, so hooray!  i spent the night on the couch, awake every thirty minutes, heading to the bathroom, drinking pepto and then heading back to the couch to writhe around in agony.  so romantic, right?  boo.  i'm feeling a bit better now; i spent the day asleep on the couch, ate a little bread and didn't hurl it up (although my stomach did react at first with something akin to indignation), and D is going to bring home some juice for me.  the cat seemed pleased to have a napping friend all day, even if she does hog one whole end of the couch.  i'll go back to work tomorrow, once this bug works it way through my south of the border.  oh yeah, it's that awesome.  ugh.  it was a nice valentine's day, aside from the vomit, but we all know that the vomit will be well-remembered.        

pop quiz

i'm posting this on both blogs!

i'm starting to set up my reception ipod playlist.  do you have some ideas for romantic or otherwise fun songs?  if so, you should post a comment or send me an email.  don't feel like you have to limit yourself to just one song, if you've got a lot, send them all!

some songs i know i want to play, with links to the youtube videos,

• cee-lo's old fashioned
• camper van beethoven's life is grand
• the avett brother's january wedding (even if we are getting married in may!)
• travis, sing (also flowers in the window because, um, it's so cute!)
• stevie wonder, isn't she lovely (really, though, there will probably be a lot of stevie on the playlist.  i can't hear him without smiling!)

no awards for me tonight!

the kids are duking it out over whose turn it is to do dishes.  i told them they had to work out amongst themselves, i am not the dishes police.  honestly, i don't know whose night it is, but it's someone's!  if they don't get them done by the time dad comes home, he can deal with them.  amen.

although i did make both a nutritious and delicious dinner tonight.  baked pasta goodness, or as i like to refer to it "cheater lasagna."  boil noodles (i like the high fiber penne).  take one jar of sauce and add it to a mess of veggies you have lightly sauteed (tonight it was mushrooms, yellow squash, and one block frozen spinach).  add a can of tomato sauce (or another jar of sauce, depending on what you have!).  season the hell out of it.  spray a big square baking dish with cooking spray so stuff doesn't stick too bad.  put a thin layer of sauce down, then a layer of noodles.  add dollops of ricotta cheese.  fancy chefs call them "quenelle" but i call them "dollops."  this part is kind of fun; you run into these soft pillows of ricotta throughout the casserole, and they make a nice contrast with the sauce and noodles.  layer some more sauce, some more noodles, some more dollops of ricotta, and cover with another bit of sauce.  top with shredded mozzarella, or provolone, and bake in a 350 degree oven until it's warm all the way through.  ta dah!  the awesome thing about cheater lasagna is that you can use whatever pasta and veggies you have on hand, you can add meatballs or sausage if you have those, you don't have to worry about breaking long noodles, and it's crazy easy.  honestly, you can mush it all together and bake it and it's still delicious.  you don't even need the ricotta; i've added little cubes of mozzarella here and there and the kids loved that too.

overall, boring stuff going on over here.  working on wedding stuff, working at work, working out more often than usual.  i've done a small purge of stuff (books and clothes mainly) and that feels good.  i bought ridiculous wedding underwear (hoop skirt holla!) and have read way too many horror short stories for my own good.  any ladies out there have recommendations for strapless bras that actually make a woman's boobs look awesome?  i'm finding them all to have not enough support or to smoosh the girls beyond recognition.  i don't want to spend a million dollars but then again, i'm hoping this wedding will be all about my boobs, so i'll spend money to make them look awesome.  ha!  i joke.  we all know the wedding is about booty.  (no really, it is all about my boobs.)    

the suburbs

new arcade fire! i got the album last week, found this video on the internets. honestly? i like everything the arcade fire does, so i'm biased and anything i say to try to encourage you to listen can't really be trusted. it's good, though, so you should check it out.

oh boy, i think i'm getting old

i found some four loko at the local 7-11 tonight.  i thought it was banned in WA, but who knows.  maybe my 7-11 is just...behind? or ahead of the curve, depending on how you see it.  i bought one because i was curious, and it tastes a lot like i thought it would; like sharp fruit punch with a petroleum aftertaste.  not terrible, not great, and if it had been available in college, i would have gotten knocked up for sure.  it's potent.

can't get four loko where you live or just like to do things on your own?  then enjoy the video i found on the youtubes, and go make some homebrew malt liquor energy drunk. 

mom's island cottage

i have to admit, sometimes sneaking off to the island to hang out with my mom is just what the doctor ordered.  although my mother has the hardest time doing nothing; she really was very sick, and i caught her ironing clothes and taking a shower this morning.  um, hello?  even when i'm in the best of health, no ironing goes on at my house.  hence my nickname, "unmade bed."  my other nickname, "mattress ass" refers to my ability to nap for hours.  notice both nicknames have beds in them, which should tell you a lot about my basic nature.  ahem. 

Past...

came to my mom's this afternoon. she's got a cold, or maybe a mild case of the plague, so we spent the day watching cooking shows, knitting, and napping. mom's in bed, and now I'm watching tv & creeping into her liquor cabinet. I feel 15! in a good way. there's no ice, though. just like old times!

ha ha ha

look what i learned today!

8==D

it's an emoti-dick!

i had a terrifically shitty day at work.  in fact, this week has been kind of lame, and when i got home tonight i was having one of those "i'm going to run away and join the circus and never wax my 'stache again!" moments.  then the kids were funny, and being nice to each other, and the boychik taught me how to make an emoti-dick and the girlchild and i ate some broccoli and rice casserole and...well, i don't want to run away anymore.  i had a rum and coke and am knitting and thinking about how odd it is that kids sometimes are the worst thing ever and sometimes the best.  they made me laugh when i was in a lousy mood, and you know what?  that's like a super nice thing to do.  that is, quite possibly, the nicest thing anyone can do for you when you feel like ass and work is bringing you down and you feel overwhelmed by life in general.  i'm glad that in some way, they both already know that.     

i think it's time for a pot of tea

last night was the weirdest in terms of sleep and dreams.  for one thing, i fell asleep on the couch watching cartoons, then woke up at 1 a.m.  normally this is not a big deal: i move myself to bed where i fall back asleep and everything is hunky dory.  last night i found that going back to sleep wasn't an option (for whatever reason) and i ended up staying up until 5 a.m., and then fell asleep just in time for the boychik to wake me up getting ready for school.  after he left i drifted off again, for the hour before the girlchild gets up to get ready for school.  fun times.  then i had a crazy dream about getting my lip re-pierced, in which i not only got my lip pierced, but also got two piercing in each cheek.  for some reason we didn't have the hardware for my cheek piercings (!) so we were holding them open with fishing line.  then i asked a guy who was evidently my brother to borrow his lip ring so i could get the fishing line out of my face, and he gave me this gorgeous inlaid wood and silver ring.  however, his hands were disgusting (so dirty) and i spent a long time trying to find alcohol to sterilize everything before i put it in my face.  did i mention this brother of mine was a hulking beast of a man, all gingery and bearded and nordic looking?  very unlike anything my parents actually produced?

i admit, i always enjoy having dreams about brothers, because that was my one secret wish from childhood: an older brother.

now everyone is out of the house (work and school took them away) and i think it's time for a nice pot of tea, some knitting and slowing working up toward going to the gym.  i was kind of naughty this weekend and ate both pizza and donuts, neither of which is going to help me fit into a smaller pair of pants, but i have been working out pretty steadily so i don't feel too bad.  i probably should, but there's no use crying over eaten donuts, is there?  nope.  i'm not catholic anymore, i don't need that kind of guilt.

a few notes before bed...

i should be asleep already; i'm definitely tired enough for it.  i have a few resolutions to add to my list, though.  last year was a good year; half of what i wrote down i took care of, so why not add just a few more and see how that goes?

• i'm not going to buy any new makeup this year.  i have a LOT of makeup that i don't even wear now, so i'm going to try to use what i have and not spend any more money on eye shadows and lipsticks that will just sit around looking pretty.  i will make one exception though: mascara.  i have a lot of little sample size ones my sister hooked me up with, and when i go through all of those i'll buy more.  i do love mascara, and that's one thing i do actually wear a lot of.  
• in the same vein, i'm not going to buy any clothes.  i know, crazy, right?  here's the thing: i tend to buy stuff i don't wear, and i tend to wear the same four outfits.  unless it's new underpants or socks, or clothes i need for work (scrubs), NO MORE.  i have two pairs of paints, way too many tshirts, and let's face it, my days of going out are no more.  unless something specifically wears out (like my pants), or i shrink, i'm going to put an embargo on new clothes.  if i do need something new, i'm going to try to stick with thrifted stuff.  oh, and i reserve the right to buy a different wedding dress and shoes to go with it.  duh. 

i guess technically speaking, these are both kind of offshoots of my plan to simplify things.  however, these are concrete ways, and very specific, so i thought they deserved some attention.

also, i have already gotten a haircut this year (meaning if i get two more i can cross that resolution off my list!) and have actually been working out on a regular basis.  CRAZY.  i know it's january, and i should wait to see how things go, but honestly?  i'm feeling pretty good about the resolutions i made, and my effort to keep them.  in short, i feel pretty good.  except for one of my feet, which i bonked on an elliptical and bruised.  that foot, it hurts.   

you know what's awesome?

getting to sneak in a workout with the older folks at the gym.  i'm going to hell for saying this, but i'm never working out with young people again!  running around on treadmills and ellipticals is WAY more fun when everyone else in the room is at least 30 to 40 years older than you.  i've never felt so YOUNG or ALIVE!  technically, the gym at work tonight was being used for a circuit training class for people aged 60 and over, but the gym guy, mark, let me use the machines too because the class wasn't full and they had room.  score for me!  45 minutes later i was a hot sweaty mess, but oh so pleased with myself.
    
you know what else is awesome? coming home from said workout to find my boyfriend making tiny little burgers.  i believe they are called "sliders" but i like to call them "tiny little burgers."  i'm going to take a shower and then eat some, covered in goat cheese and pickles.  hooray!

oh, those kids!

the meeting with the principal and the school counselor went well.  well, as good as can be expected.  in short, there was some stuff we didn't really know about the situation (because being a 12 year old girl is beyond complicated), some things both she and counselor clarified, and we were assured that everyone involved was meeting with the principal that day. that was the good news.  the other good news is that it really does feel like the teachers and staff were up to date on what was going on, and got this nipped in the bud.  i think we'll continue to have some issues with one of the girls, because we've been having issues with her for at least a year now.  i've been waiting to see what the fall-out will be; after a meeting like this i figured things would kind of slowly go back to normal, or HOT DAMN the girls would just get more evil and sneaky about the bullying.  it's been a little over a week now, and i think having to meet with the principal, talking to their parents about sex (which is just mortifying at that age, isn't it?), and being told in no uncertain terms that this is not okay has actually been good for all of them.  at least, that's how it seems.

what's funny about all of this is what happened literally the day after we all met with the principal.  they were having skate night at the local roller rink, and the girlchild got a call.  i could hear a little girl asking her if she could get a ride home with us afterward and i asked, "who's that?"  she told me, and it was none other than one of the girls involved in the bullying.  i was incredulous.  i said, "the same _____ that got you sent to the principal's office?" i can only imagine what my face looked like as i said it, because the girlchild's eyes got GIGANTIC.  she nodded and i said, "oh hell, no."  after she got off the phone she told me that the other little girls had apologized and the one that called said she felt bad, and i said that was great, but there was no way i was driving her anywhere.  i know that makes me a bad role model, and that it might not have been a good example of forgiveness, but all i could think was "is she serious?!"  oh, silly kid.  she messed with my girl, there's no way i'm taking that her anywhere any time soon.

basketball season starts in a few weeks, and i'm sure i'll get to deal with more little girl drama then.  whoo!  if you see me crying in the school parking lot over my knitting while banging my head into the steering wheel, maybe you can bring me a light beer?  remember, i'm on a diet.  thanks.    

MLK day!

i always have monday off, so today isn't too different for me.  however, the kids also have today off, so that's something new. 

we had a fun weekend.  we started it off on friday night, hitting the seattle art museum, in hopes of seeing the end of the picasso exhibit.  unfortunately for the kids, i did not buy tickets online like i should have, and that part of the museum was sold out.  the rest of the museum was open, though, so we walked through the permanent collection, which i think the kids enjoyed.  the boychik brought his girlfriend, and they went one way while the girlchild and i went the other.  none of the kids had ever been to the SAM, or really any art museum, so it was kind of an impromptu field trip and educational experience.  the girlchild liked looking at the modern art with me, she was a fan of the paintings and the sculpture.  at one point while we were sitting and looking at some painting she told me she "didn't get" some of it, to which i tried to explain that she didn't have to.  it didn't have to mean anything, it didn't have to be a cerebral exercise, it could just be pretty paintings, or fun, weird things to look at.  she seemed to relax and enjoy herself more after that.  the boychik and his girlfriend found some stuff they really liked, and had a good time people watching as well.  we had dinner at uwajimaya,  got trapped in a parking garage for almost an hour, and they got to laugh at my terrible shifting skills on some of seattle's steepest hills, and by the time we headed home all the kids were happy and tired.  most of them fell asleep on the way home.  it was fun to introduce them to something new, and it had been so long since i'd been to a museum myself.  i'd almost forgotten how happy seeing some art makes me.  there is something so refreshing about a trip to a museum; you come home with all sorts of ideas and plans.   

we've spent the rest of the weekend goofing off, not doing much of anything.  i'm working on the never-ending afghan, and thinking about hitting the open gym this afternoon at the hospital.  nothing too exciting!  i should be cleaning the house or something, but we'll see how that goes.  i'm kind of in a zone with that afghan and just want to knit until my hands complain.   

medicine ball time, yo

hey dudes, remember that resolution i made about being fitter and stuff?  thus far i'm actually kind of sticking to that resolution.  yes, i know we're only 12 days into the year, but they've been a productive 12 days.

i have been posting about that sort of stuff over here, on the chunkersons blog, because 1) it's a public blog, 2) i really enjoy sarah's other blog and 3) there really is something about saying it out loud that is helping me out.  because it's a public blog, you can also go over there and contribute if you so desire.  in fact, i think you should.

also, tonight i did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 5 on the elliptical (going backwards!) and 30 doing a circuit training course at the tiny gym at the hospital.  i am sore and hungry and feeling kind of badass.  whenever i want to not work out i'm going to remind myself that "zombies lead a very active lifestyle, so should you."   in fact, i believe that should be on a workout shirt. 

called into the principal's office

DAMMIT.  i kind of thought after the girlchild met with the school counselor, things would quiet down.  while i didn't think the girls giving her shit would magically stop, i did think they'd tone it down for their own sakes.  evidently, they haven't, and D and I came home to a message from the school asking us to call them back ASAP.  we're not sure what the meeting is about exactly; it could just be the principal just wants to let us know he knows what's going on and is taking care of it, it could be he wants more information, it could be something else.  i wonder if he doesn't want to see our pretty faces because the bullying going on is potentially lawsuit material.  can you say "sexual harassment?"  because now the girlchild can.

i'm not going to try and say this sort of shit didn't happen when i was 12, oh so long ago, but i will say i think the internet makes kids mean in a different way.  this summer we dealt with some of that, with the same group of girls, sending mean messages through facebook and ourworld and stuff.  we had good talks about how easy it is to feel like you can say whatever you want when you don't have to say it to someone's face, but how those things are still hurtful and not okay.  now she doesn't have the same kind of access to the internet as then, but with school back in session she's getting a crash course in gossip.  how it starts, how it spreads, what the effects are.  essentially a group of girls led by one particular girl (there's always a ringleader!) has been telling everyone that the girlchild is bisexual, and that she tried to get another little girl to be her girlfriend and kiss her.  being called bi doesn't bother her; she lives in a house where we're open about different kinds of sexualities and even genders (one of the boychik's friends is trans), she understands that we don't believe there's anything wrong or weird about being queer, and she doesn't believe that being called "bi" is a real insult.  at the same time, it does bother her that if she says she isn't, no one listens, or they take it to mean that she really is and just denying it.  in short, there isn't anything she can say or do that's going to make this better, and that's frustrating at best.  if she stands up for kids who are bi or gay or questioning, she's automatically lumped in with them, if she denies it vehemently, she's implying there's something wrong with those kids and acting like the jerks.

she knows we love her, and we'd love her even if it does turn out she's bi, but that we also think she might be a bit young to have given it much thought.  it's early for this to be an issue, we want her to be a kid a while longer and understand that sexuality is a part of who she is as a person, but not the definition of her.  she has time to learn about herself, she has time to grow up.  this shouldn't be an issue a 12 year old deals with, and we think that if she were older, or a boy, or not as okay with herself, the school would have jumped on this quite a bit earlier.

sigh.  i mentioned all this to a co-worker the other day, and she said, "do you really want to marry a man with teenagers?!  maybe you should have a long engagement."  too late!  we may as well already be married, dammit.  i'm too far in!  plus, now i'm all riled up.  no one messed with the kid, no one.  the end.        

i feel pretty

as i mentioned before, the girlchild and i had a day of beauty yesterday.  i told her that morning i'd take her over to old navy to use her xmas gift card, then surprised her with a visit to the local beauty college.   she seemed pleased when i told her what we were doing in mt. vernon!  i set us up for haircuts and manicures, and told her at the start that she didn't have to do anything extreme or weird; if she just wanted a trim that was fine with me.  it had just been so long since we got haircuts, and we were both a bit shaggy.  the ladies we got as hairdressers were awesome; both were young and cute and friendly, and i ended up getting about an inch and a half taken off, and some new layers, and the girl got the cutest inverted bob.  it "drops off" at the front; so she has that great shaping in the back, and then it makes kind of a dramatic swoop near the front.  super, super cute.  i forget it takes a while to get a haircut at a school (because they're training, they fill out forms, the teacher comes over during all the parts of the cut and talks to them about what they're going to do and makes sure you're doing okay), and we ended up being there for quite a while.  not in a bad way, but by the time our nails were dry, we were hungry!  i took her over to the local sushi place and we sat at the bar and ate conveyor belt sushi until we almost exploded.  by the time we got home, she was happy, tired, had cute new hair and a few new outfits.

it was kind of a rough week for her, and i think getting out and doing "girly" stuff was good for her.  when things at school go wrong or are stressful, it's easy as that age (at any age, really) to just focus on that, and i like to remind her that this will pass, and that 6th grade isn't going to be a big deal in the grand scheme of things.  it's also important for me to let her know that even if school is shitty, and she's dealing with bullshit girl politics, that home is a good place, and that she can be herself here and be loved.  it wasn't just about haircuts and nail polish, we spent a good time together talking and hanging out, and that's what i was really aiming for.  although we do look super cute now, which is kind of a bonus.  i want her to have weekends like this that she can remember, that remind her that just because a girl tries to make your life miserable at school that she has a life outside of there that is awesome and fun, and in the end, more important.      

beauty school dropout

the girlchild has been having one hell of a week.  i forget sometimes that pre-teen girls are assholes, and that the catty bitchiness begins at about the sixth grade.  it's hard to watch her go through it, since i did it once and that was enough, but we're all managing okay.  in an effort to make her feel a better, i made up appointments tomorrow for haircuts and manicures.  at the local beauty school. though, because i don't just want it to be a fun day out, i want it to be an adventure.  will we walk out with all ten fingers? will they make me look like a boy?  we'll see!

p.s.  i'm keeping it a secret until tomorrow afternoon.  i want her to be surprised!   

so dreamy

i bought myself the newest cee lo album for xmas (with a gift card from my awesome co-worker).  #1: it's fucking awesome.  there is literally not a song on it that doesn't make me happy.  #2: look at that pink suit.  LOOK AT IT.  do you know of another man who can rock a suit like that?  i didn't think so.  #3: i kind of really want to play this song at my wedding.  i made D listen to it tonight, but i think with me standing there going "OH MY GOD don't you just love it?!" didn't help my case out any.  i might have come on too strong.  ahem.  i'm not giving up, though.  this song is awesome. 

to see more of mr. green and his amazing videos, check out his work on the youtubes. 

this is why i love my mom

i sent my mom an email yesterday asking if she wanted to come up and look at wedding dresses, and she agreed and then sent this back,

Aunt Pam tells me the latest news on the rapture is it is scheduled for may 21. We will either have A WEDDING, GO MEET Jesus or duke it out with the antichrist that day. Love you, Mom

i pointed out that if the rapture does happen, that all of D's people will be swept up to heaven, leaving us with all the BBQ pork we can eat.  could be worse.  

 

play like it's 1989!

or something.  i got a DSi for xmas (this one here), and it came with mario cart and i also got some bejeweled.  needless to say, i'm loving it.  my brainage is actually not too shabby (38!), and i'm figuring out how to drive my mario cart slowly but surely.  the kids think watching me play is amusing, because i have a hard time not wiggling around in my seat like i'm actually steering and i say "oops!" "oh no!" and "sorry dude!" way too often.  i am not a cool, composed gamer.  i'm forever making noise and slumping down in my seat. 

the last time i had a video gaming system was sometime in the late 80's.  my sister and i begged for a nintendo console, and got the one that came with super mario bros. and duck hunt.  those were the only two games we ever owned, and we were not very good at playing either of them.  thinking back on it, it was a super fun game for a week and then we both got bored of it and went back to playing with legos and she-ra.  sorry mom and dad! 

i'm looking to get some more mario games (i'm terribly fond of that little dude) and maybe some more puzzle/brain games.  anyone have any suggestions?  what do you like to play? 

hallelujah!

the kids go back to school tomorrow!  i go back to work the day after that!  i will finally be out of the house for longer than the occasional trip to the grocery store! 

yeah, i know i could have gone outside or found some free activities for the kids and i to engage in, but for one thing it's ridiculously cold out, and for another, going anywhere would have required gas for the car, and we really are kind of super broke right now.  plus, we had a ton of stuff we could (and did) do here.  it's just that no matter how big your house is, it is never, ever big enough for kids home on winter break.  note to self: use up all your float time this year on honeymooning or something.  don't wait until december! 

what did i do with my break? knit.  watched too much tv.  worked on some crafty projects.  cleaned random things, like the front of the fridge.  read a few books.  overall, i'd say i feel pretty refreshed and ready to get the hell out of the house.  i'm also ready for the kids to go back to school and for them to stop hanging around complaining about boredom.  there was literally NO SUGGESTION i made this week that either of them took, and it wasn't too long ago that i started saying "boo fucking hoo" when one of them lamented the lack of stuff to do.  tomorrow i plan on doing all that stuff i didn't do while they were home, washing some scrubs, and cutting up some veggies to pack in my lunches.  we had our last fat farm vacation meal today (pizza!), tomorrow we go back on the wagon.  i'm ready!   

i almost forgot

i have a little over five months to plan a wedding.  may 21 seemed really far away last halloween, but right this second, it feels decidedly closer.

i've updated the plans and wedding site over here; i know talking about weddings is boring for a lot of folks, reading about them even more so.  if you're curious about the possible train wreck of a party i'm planning though, feel free to check it out!

last years resolution round-up

last year i not only wrote down some resolutions, but i put them up here for everyone to see! ha, ha, i suck.  let's look over them and see if i got anything on that list done...

1. learn how to knit intarsia, or fair isle, or any other sort of picture/multiple color knitting. i like cables, i like lacey things, but i'm ready to learn something new. (i still detest using charts, however. i don't know if that will change this year.)  um, nope.  never did this.  although i did hunt my interasia dvd out and put it next to the tv.  i give myself 1/2 a point for that. 
2. learn how to make a homemade, epic, sourdough bread. seriously sour, too, not like some of the wimpy stuff you get in stores.  again, no.  i did find a place that sells sourdough as sour as i like it, but unfortunately, that place is haggen and we all know i won't go in there.  every now and then i talk D into popping in and buying me a loaf.   
3. go back to blogging more often. i've been trying to do something small every day, but i think making it an actual, "i said it out loud" sort of thing will help.  this one i actually did, if you look at my stats.  more entries this year than last
4. get new glasses. and the pre-requisite eye exam to accompany them.  i totally did this!  i rock!  i also got contacts this year too, for the first time in something like five years.  they itch, which reminds me, i don't really like wearing them. 
5. the cyst/tumor/mean pea in my hand has got to go. honestly. i'll have someone help me take a photo; the thing's gotten fucking huge and now part of my hand down to my wrist likes to go numb or burn. not cool.  this one i not only didn't do, but probably won't do for a long time.  i did get off my ass and saw a doctor about the thing, but when i heard what my options were (surgery followed by crazy physical therapy, a wicked scar, and then more surgery a few years later), i realized that while my hand hurts sometimes, surgery isn't going to help.  not any time soon, anyway.  

not too terribly shabby, although when you only make five resolutions, keeping two and half of them isn't too terribly hard.  here's a list of things i did do this year that i'm totally proud of but weren't resolutions:

happy new year!

i made tiny pigs in blankets, a couple of dips, and we watched the ball drop in NY.  seeing dick clark made me tear up, though.  i'm glad he's still around and kicking, and doing what he loves, but it still comes as a shock to me that he's aging.  for most of my life he's looked exactly the same! 

also, if i haven't mentioned it before, i hate jenny mcCarthy!  they should have dropped the ball on that ridiculous, plastic injected dimwit. 

and on that happy note, happy new year! 

gearing up for the new year!

tonight i took D out for a grown-up dinner that involved none of the foods eaten over the holiday.  nothing with bacon, potato, chicken, cold cuts, turkey, or lasagna.  where did we go? we went out for sushi, of course.  awesome, awesome sushi.  there's a place in town that has one of those conveyor belts and jesus h. christ, i love those things.  watching little half-rolls of sushi goodness glide by, swooping in for the most delectable looking ones, watching the tiny plates stack up...it's pretty much my favorite thing ever.  the thing about sitting in front of the space-age conveyor is that you think you'll never get full of sushi.  it all slides by and it all looks great, and you think "oh those plates are so tiny...we can eat one more..." and then you get up to go pee and HOLY SHIT you are full of sushi.  it's like magic!  yummy magic.

tomorrow is new year's eve and you know that can mean only one thing: twilight zone marathon on syfy.  i'll pop out of the house at some point to buy some bubbly wine and crescent rolls for the pigs in a blanket (because champagne and hot dogs together are divine, duh), but i plan to spend the rest of the day on the couch, watching rod serling, and knitting.  does anything sound better than that?  um, no.  D will work part of the day, but he'll be home in time to kiss me at midnight and make a goofy hat to celebrate.  plus, as much as he loves me, no one loves that much twilight zone except for me.  he'll probably also get home in time to save me from the kids, who will want to beat me to death by then.  unless i can somehow convince them the twilight zone is awesome, and i don't see that happening.  kids these days don't dig anything in black and white, let me tell you.  too bad i pay for the cable!      

things we got for xmas

• three cookbooks, one all about making your own cheese.
• an ice cream maker.
• a deep fryer.

who wants to roll me down the aisle?  

hey look!

i made a calendar for next year!  it took way too long to make (something like five hours) but i think that's partly because i was just winging it.  if i make another it shouldn't take as long.  D got me the lovely Italian paper the squirrel is cut out of, and this morning i was looking at wall calendars on etsy, and thought, "oh, i should try to make one."  in supplies it cost less (i had everything but the rubber cement), but in time it cost more, that's for sure.  i didn't make too giant a mess either, which makes me happy.  in the end, i think it turned out cute. 

hello, darlings

look at this awesome purse my sainted mother gave me for xmas.  it's giant, it's sturdy, it's covered in sugar skulls and it's got a rad flat bottom so it stands upright (making it perfect for knitting).  it's funny how i rate purses now not just based on awesome looks, but whether or not it can carry my yarn and needles, and how easy it is for me to knit right out of the bag. 

there's an oddities mini-marathon on over at discovery, so i've been working on my missoni blanket and watching.  i think it would be totally worth the price of plane tickets to take the kids to NY to see the place in person.  we could go to some museums too, so it would be all kinds of educational...